Online dating is just like anything else - it has its ups and its downs. It's really just something a single person does in today's dating world. It's another option. If you're looking for love (or even just a little like every now and again), why would you rule anything out?
Meeting people online can feel a little...forced. I've found that when I meet guys, they often jump right in to "relationship mode." I met a guy a couple of weeks ago who seemed really cool. We went on one date, and I really enjoyed myself, so I agreed to a second. On that date, he whined when I said I was going away for the weekend (to see family) and actually wanted to come along with me.
That wasn't the first time something like that has happened. Do I just attract that kind of desperate, lonely guy? Maybe (I certainly wouldn't rule it out). I also think the online meeting might be a factor.
When you meet online, you both know (or think you know, anyway) upfront that the other person is looking for a relationship. I think a lot of people assume that the fact that you met online means you can just skip all the courting steps that a couple would go through if they met, say, at work. First get to know each other...then become friends....then date....then a relationship.
The thing is - that's all part of building a relationship. Relationships should always be organic - they should always be allowed to develop at their own rate. A profile can't replace the important connections that you build while getting to know someone and becoming their friend.
So take it slow. Let it happen; there's no reason to force anything, if it's meant to be, it will work out on its own. Don't wish away the courtship or the romance. You know, that feeling in your stomach? The butterflies.
We all want our butterflies!
great post!! i know exactly what you mean. i met one guy - had one (1!!) date, and by the next time we spoke he asked me to go away with him that weekend (i couldn't AND didn't want to) and asked if he could go to my next ob appointment / ultrasound with me. um, what? creep-eeeey. needless to say it didn't work out. but i don't know what is with these guys who think we want to jump into something without knowing them. strange.
ReplyDeleteOh, it drives me nuts! And it happens way too often. I'm relieved to know it's not just me. I've had guy friends say to me, women make no sense, you want attention, so then we give it, and then you complain. I guess, I just want it to develop at a rate that makes sense, regardless of how we meet. I'm picky, I guess - but that's me. :)
ReplyDeleteNope, it's not just you. Maybe it's the guys who are on those sites?
ReplyDeleteAnd as much as I hate the totally overused word "organic" it does fit in this instance and it's perfect :) Relationships need to grow and blossom at their own pace, sometimes that does happen faster than others, but it has to take some time!
I agree, it takes time for things to develop. Makes me think back to the days of high school when just one look or one chat in the hallway was a wonder.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the online dating pool might be a little more desperate than others, because for many people it seems a last ditch effort; there's no easier way to meet people. Since ipods and cell phones, it can be difficult to strike up a conversation with someone you find attractive just anywhere.
I've always been bad at the approach; meeting people online is a good way to work around that. And not everyone I meet is ready to rush it, but so many are, it can be frustrating.
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