What I've learned: Excuses

I'm smack in the middle of this whole love cleanse project, and I think I'm starting to learn a few things about myself.

Lesson One: I think I was using "finding a relationship" as an excuse to avoid things that I really need to change.

When I got divorced, there were so many things I should have dealt with - but I preferred to avoid (finances, home improvement, etc.). At the same time, my job situation became very unstable. I should have done something about it at that point - but I didn't want to face more change during the divorce.

I also don't think I really wanted to face being alone. I thought I did - but it turns out, doing things alone and being alone are different things (or so it seems). For these couple of weeks, I've done things with other people, for sure - all kinds of stuff, actually. But I've also spent time with just myself - no internet (gasp!), no phone, no TV. Just me and my thoughts. Very, very different.

It turns out - I'm not half bad to hang out with. *pats self on back* Not only that - but getting to know myself a little better is helping me. I'm more comfortable going places on my own, talking to people I would have avoided previously - and I think it's helping my writing (maybe...hopefully).

Not to mention - I'm forced to face that stuff I didn't want to before. I'm working on the job thing, I'm tackling some home improvements - and I'm finally coming to terms with my financial situation.

The real truth? All this stuff has to be fixed before I could ever have a good relationship. I couldn't even hope to hold up my end of the deal, and make things happy and healthy for two until I've managed to do it for one.