One of the first things I look for on a dating profile is whether or not the person is a smoker. If he is - I don't even look any further.
Smoking is a deal-breaker for me for a few reasons. One, it's a gross habit; the smell, the cigarette butts all over the place, stains on the upholstery and even the walls - yuck. Second, it's such a waste of money. Not that I'm great with a budget or anything - but if you're going to pour money down a drain, I can think of better ways. Naturally, that's not my issue if a date wastes his money - but it would be in a relationship. I don't date just to date, so if I know off the bat we couldn't be in a relationship, why bother?
But an even bigger deal-breaker than smoking? Lying. So don't say that you don't smoke, and then show up on our date with yellow teeth, wreaking of cigarette smell. Even worse, don't greet me with a hug - and get that smell all over my clothes and in my hair.
Lying makes me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
If you smoke, say so. Most sites let you say "trying to quit" so if that's the case, be honest. Maybe you only smoke when you drink - while I've never understood that, I do know it to be the case for some people. So put "occasionally" on your profile. (Though, I'll tell you, when I see that, I assume it means the person smokes something other than cigarettes; another deal-breaker for me.)
The truth is, you're not the guy for me. Which is okay - because I bet I'm not the lady for you, so it all works out. But you'll never find the person for you if you're not telling who you really are.
What are your deal-breakers?
What I never understood is why they get so defensive when you tell them it's a deal-breaker. I too feel the way you do and in the past, included that line in my profile. I can't tell you how much hate mail I received because of it. Hey, I'm not insinuating that you're an awful human being because you smoke, I'm just being honest and sharing my thoughts with you that we're not going to be swappin' spit anytime soon. Ever.
ReplyDeleteI once dated a guy who smoked. It was totally against my better judgement but (at the time) the smoking was the ONLY thing I didn't like about him so I took a chance. In the end it did end up being a deal breaker, despite the fact that he was a clean and respectful smoker. Let's face it, that smell penetrates EVERYTHING, not to mention the effect it had on my allergies and how irritating it was to have to step outside with him in the dead of winter for "ciggarette breaks" when we were out at bars/events and the way his mouth always tasted like an ash tray. Smoking was definitely not the only reason we broke up but it made a huge contribution. I could never be with someone who smokes.
ReplyDeleteDri - I've dated buys who smoked before. I tried to get past the smell and the kissing, but I just couldn't. That's how I know it would never work, no matter how clean or respectful a guy is.
ReplyDeleteAngela - I'd have to say it's because on some level, smokers know that the habit is less than deseirable. Some might even feel bad for keeping it up. So they lash out, getting defensive even though what you said couldn't possibly have been directed at them personally - being you don't even know them.