A model of a bad profile

I've hidden all my profiles. I have enough problems with the people who already know how to reach me offline.

But that doesn't stop me from trolling dating sites looking for blog material. Last night, a profile on Plenty of Fish caught my eye. Specifically, the headline: I'm not a model, I just look like one! [Side Note: Not really.]

His marital status is separated, and his intent says he wants to date, but isn't looking for anything serious. He's 37, has kids, indicates he does not want more. His interest list includes Facebook (???). His profile is actually written semi-well.

His profile:

I've been on and off this thing about 4 times now. I'm sure you have seen me on here before and read my profile. [Because, obviously he's just so attractive and memorable, you wouldn't be able to stay away.] I am finally going through a divorce as of 2/18/13. I should be divorced in about 2 months. Before, I was the guy who wasn't even legally separated and still living with his wife. [And on a dating site?] Although, she slept on the couch [Mental note: If things don't work out, he makes you sleep on the couch.] and we both dated and did our thing. It kind of hindered my dating [Marriage does that.] but maybe I used it as an excuse to not get too emotionally attached or available to anyone. [Including his WIFE, apparently.]

Here's what I want. I want a woman who is between the ages of 28-38 years old. I'm not going to date anyone over 40 anymore. Especially, if you are older than my oldest sister who is 43. Yeah the sex is good but your kids are either teenagers or not even close to my age [I imagine he means he wants his date's kids to be close to the ages of his own kids. Or maybe he's found that women in their 40s have kids in their 20s, and he considers 20s too close to his own age.] and that does matter.

Please no stalkers, stage 5 clingers, and please please if you are lucky enough to make it to my Facebook [LUCKY ENOUGH?!] and it doesn't work out; do not contact my other woman friends to see if it was them I left you for [So 'it doesn't work out' always means he ended things.] or to search for answers. [If this is the kind of woman he usually attracts, he is probably crazy. Crazy attracts crazy. Or, perhaps he is the type of guy who takes perfectly normal, sane women and turns them into crazy.]

If you are looking for a sweet [Who makes women sleep on the sofa.], sensitive [Who refers to women as 'stalkers' and 'clingers.'], adventurous, funny and charming guy [Who believes women are 'lucky' to be with him.] than [That should be 'then.'] I'm your man.

If you'd like to get "lucky enough to make it to his Facebook" email me, and I can send you his profile name. But act fast! You don't want to let this one get away.