Well read

Continued from here...

So, with all these great connections, and all the laughing and smiling - it really seemed like things were going well. If he didn't like me, he wouldn't have suggested dinner, right? I mean - he'd have known right away if he wasn't attracted to me.

And if he was feeling no connection at dinner, he wouldn't have kept the conversation going. I tend to talk a lot when I'm nervous, and I know I sometimes take over a conversation. I tried to keep that in check, so he'd have ample opportunity to end the evening if he wasn't feeling it. No need to waste his time (or mine).

But he never did. We sat there for two hours before he even suggested calling it a night, and that was just because I mentioned that they were cleaning the dining room of the restaurant. Two hours of non stop talking, laughing, finding little things we had in common. Two hours.

When we left the restaurant, I asked him if he'd like to get together again some time. His response?

"Sure. I'll definitely keep in touch with you."

I immediately took this to mean that he wasn't interested, and was just being polite. Which really made no sense to me, but I felt like if he was interested, he would have tried to "seal the deal." If he didn't want to make another date right then, at the very least I felt like he'd let me know when he'd be in touch to do so.

Was I expecting too much? Was I over-thinking the whole thing? One friend said I don't know the guy well enough to read him, and his advice was to stop trying. But isn't dating a series of interactions where we're trying to read each other - and learn?

So when do we know each other well enough to read the other person?

Good date or what?

I went on a date Friday night. I wasn't very enthusiastic; he'd chosen a movie, which is a tough first date. We'd been emailing, but I was a little skeptical how much we'd have in common once we were chatting face to face.

We met about 30 minutes before the movie started. It was a popular new release, so we had to wait on line, and then get seated early, which gave us some time to talk. Perfectly enjoyable conversation, not at all awkward. The movie was good, and when we left the theater, he asked if I'd like to stop in the nearby restaurant and get a drink. Then, he changed that to getting a table - so we did.

We talked for two hours. About work, vacations, families...everything. Turns out, we went to the same high school (he's younger and graduated three years behind me). Oddly enough - he was at the lock & key party I attended a couple months back.

We grew up in the same area, we had a bunch of stuff in common and loads to talk about. He kept the conversation going and was laughing and smiling and making eye contact. We're both working day jobs as a way to pay the bills - while we do what we really like to do on the side. We've both joined the meetup group as a way to meet more people, make friends, find dates, etc. We both like sci fi and fantasy and movies, and museums, and traveling and family is important to both of us.

Is it just me, or does this sound like the date was going really well?

Friday Five: Disney pick up lines

Ahhh.... Romance.

I subscribed to the blog over at How About We..., a dating site that centers around suggesting a first date - and then seeing who is interested in similar plans. It's kind of cool, though I'll admit there aren't too many members in my area. Yet.

Anyway, a few weeks back they had a post about a twitter trending topic - Disney pick up lines. Fun! Here are my favorite five. Click here to read the full post.

• I wanna hakuna your matata.
• What's around your river bend?
• Your name is Chitty. My name is Chitty. Let's go finish the musical.
• My name is Mickey and there's nothing Minnie about me.
• My names Sebastien but I don't have crabs.

Got any to add?

Deja vu - all over again

After Crush, I did that thing where you just go looking to meet a guy - any guy. Since I'm about as far from being a bar rat as one can possibly be, I stuck with what I know: dating websites. I started trolling profiles and sending out "Hi, how are you?" type emails.

Suddenly, it occurred to me...I've been here before. This is where I was right before I met Big. In fact, sending out hundreds dozens bunches of emails was how I met Big. Now, a year and a half later, here I am, doing the same thing. Again.

But is it really the same? When I met Big, I was bummed. I'd just gotten rejected by my "transitional guy" following my divorce. I was filled with emotion, not just from that relationship - but also from my marriage. I was still in that place where I felt like I needed a boyfriend; I was still making excuses and not dealing with life.

That's all changed. This time, I am not only dealing with life - I'm living it. I'm making changes, making friends, and having fun. I have plans and goals and I'm happy - without a guy. Sure, I'd love to meet someone - but I'm looking for someone who fits my life, not someone to fit my life around.

So maybe I'm not just spinning my wheels. Maybe the trick is to embrace experiences for what they are, rather than trying to turn them into something else, and feeling disappointed when they don't measure up.

"Things do not change; we change." Henry David Thoreau

The good ol' days

Remember when we only had two choices if we wanted to talk to a guy? We could call him from a phone attached to a wall in our house, or meet him out somewhere and talk in person?

Now, we can get his status updates on facebook, check his latest tweet or foursquare check-in, send him an email or facebook message, text him, IM him, or DM him....what'd I miss? 

In some ways it's great - instant gratification and instant results. Making last minute plans means no night is ever a lost cause until it's over. 

It's also bad - have you drunk-dialed or texted at 2am? Or how about sent an email with all those thoughts and feelings that he never would have seen if you'd had to actually mail a letter?

When I was trying to say what I had to say to Crush, I was actually disappointed to find him online. Weird, right? It should be the perfect opportunity to get it done and over with.

Here's my thing... Sending the message made it seem like I just had something to say, so I was saying it without a lot of pressure. It also meant that my feeling foolish could be put off until I got his response. Saying something in IM felt like I was cornering him, and also that my foolishness would manifest itself in real time. *shudders*

Of course, with relationships, talking in person is always best. Body language and facial expressions mean a lot, and instant reactions are helpful. Emails are too easy to ignore, think about, rehearse, etc., and it's really hard to have a meaningful exchange in short bursts of 140-160 characters.

But sometimes you don't need to wait for that chance to talk in person. If you're just going to have a, "thanks, but no thanks," kind of conversation, why waste time having that one-on-one? You can just say it in a message and get it done, and move on.

I guess it depends on the conversation, the people and the relationship. Seems all the ways that technology has simplified communication has really made things very complicated.

Best of the Worst: Ummm...married?

We haven't done one of these in a while. So, I wanted to share a real gem. This guy viewed me at one dating site, so I stumbled upon his profile. My only thought was: What the....?

*******************

Self Summary

Dear God, it keeps telling me this summary is too short. I'm married, to someone I met on this site. What the f**k more does this f**ing thing want? Jesus f**king Christ.

I am old, complex, and married.

What I'm doing with my life

Being married

The first thing people usually notice about me

Wedding ring

You should message me if...

You don't mind married guys who won't cheat, I guess? How the f**k should I know why you should message Me. You should message me if you know how to entirely delete the "I'm looking for" section of the profile, because it appears to MAKE you pick something.

********************

I desperately want to email this person and ask him why he doesn't go to account settings and delete his profile. I can't find anything in his profile that indicates he's looking for friends, or even for a swinging partner for him and his wife, both of which I've seen on this site.

Should I message him?
	No
	Yes, and be angry about it. Who does he think he is?
	Yes, and be funny about it - in a helpful way.
	Yes, and be sarcastic about it because he's a jerk.
	Get the hell off these dating websites and go out!!
pollcode.com free polls

Broken rules

After 28 Year Old, I did promise myself that I would be more flexible on the whole issue of age. After all - he was a super-nice guy, and if I'd stuck to my "no younger guys" rule, I never would have known.

So, the other night I got a message from a guy online. It was actually a missed IM, and it said, "You look lovely." That was it, nothing more. That's an awfully nice thing to say, so I checked out his profile. He was good-looking, his profile was well-written. He's into art, movies, live music, antiquing; he lists writer/artist as his profession and says he likes to travel. Sold!! Except...

He's 18 years older than me.


That's a whole lotta years. He could be my father. In fact, he's older than my best friend's step-father - and she's the same age as me!

But, I promised myself I wouldn't let age be the deciding factor anymore. Besides, worst case scenario, this would be a great blog story and make you guys laugh, right? The stuff I'll do in the name of a good blog post.
So, when he opened up another chat, I responded. He started out very nice, saying he really liked my profile, and that he thought we had some things in common. Then he said he hoped I didn't mind, but he likes to be very open.

Now - I'm a pretty open person. There's not a lot I won't discuss, and there's not a lot that offends me. However, I've made it pretty clear in my profile that I am looking for a relationship, and any relationship needs to build over time. I am of the opinion that you build a friendship and a rapport first - and then, if it clicks, you start with the personal stuff.

Apparently, this guy feels differently. About ten minutes in, Mr. I'm Refined and Cultured and Sophisticated wanted to discuss what he likes to do in bed. More specifically - what he'd like me to do to him.

Seriously? This was happening?

Thankfully, I have a sense of humor. If I hadn't been able to laugh - I think I might have cried.

I'm okay with a lot of things, and I'm willing to overlook a lot, too. But I'm not okay with being disrespected, or with a man who tries to excuse his poor behavior by calling it "upfront" and "honest." I'm also not okay with someone who repeatedly returns to a topic of conversation, even after I've asked him to let it go.

There are some rules I just won't bend.