Tuesday, February 1, 2011

What I've learned: Excuses

I'm smack in the middle of this whole love cleanse project, and I think I'm starting to learn a few things about myself.

Lesson One: I think I was using "finding a relationship" as an excuse to avoid things that I really need to change.

When I got divorced, there were so many things I should have dealt with - but I preferred to avoid (finances, home improvement, etc.). At the same time, my job situation became very unstable. I should have done something about it at that point - but I didn't want to face more change during the divorce.

I also don't think I really wanted to face being alone. I thought I did - but it turns out, doing things alone and being alone are different things (or so it seems). For these couple of weeks, I've done things with other people, for sure - all kinds of stuff, actually. But I've also spent time with just myself - no internet (gasp!), no phone, no TV. Just me and my thoughts. Very, very different.

It turns out - I'm not half bad to hang out with. *pats self on back* Not only that - but getting to know myself a little better is helping me. I'm more comfortable going places on my own, talking to people I would have avoided previously - and I think it's helping my writing (maybe...hopefully).

Not to mention - I'm forced to face that stuff I didn't want to before. I'm working on the job thing, I'm tackling some home improvements - and I'm finally coming to terms with my financial situation.

The real truth? All this stuff has to be fixed before I could ever have a good relationship. I couldn't even hope to hold up my end of the deal, and make things happy and healthy for two until I've managed to do it for one.


  1. One of the things I came to realize in the "search" for Mr. Right was that the more stable my relationship was with myself, the more I cared and showed that I cared about me, and the more I got my Life Ducks in a Row so to speak, the better my dating options were. It was so weird.

    I'm glad you're getting those Life Ducks in a row so that you can continue to improve your relationship with yourself. Good job!

  2. Thanks! It actually happened quite by accident. I thought when I did the "love cleanse" that I would just avoid guys for 30 days then pick back up. The learning and growing was a bit of a bonus.

    Who knew? :)