(Not exactly) A Sacrifice

Lent starts today. Can I tell you a secret? I was raised Catholic (even confirmed) but I've never gotten ashes on my forehead. One, because I almost never know when Ash Wednesday is (I only know this year thanks to twitter) and two, because I don't like to mess with my makeup during the day.

Anyway....


My friend was talking about what to give up for Lent, and it got me thinking....what should I do? I don't normally give anything up, but she has a point about it being a good opportunity to kick start some changes.

Since the love cleanse officially ended, I've approached some guys online - even approached a guy I know. Nothing has panned out, and that has hurt my ego a bit. So, I was already considering giving up approaching guys...maybe for another 30 days. Then I saw the post and thought - why not make it 40?

So, as of today - no more asking guys out for this girl. I will keep my profiles active, and I'll still visit the sites and read emails I receive - mostly so I can share them with you as part of the Best of the Worst. I'll also still go to events like the Lock & Key party tonight and the Bachelor Auction (get your tickets yet) on Saturday - those are new for me, so probably a good idea for personal growth.

And blog material.

Best of the Worst: Tigers and wagon wheels

I was a bit depressed this weekend. I went online and sent out a couple of emails - with no responses. Nothing like killing your ego. I quickly recovered, though - and thanks to Sassy for sending hugs and smiles my way.

I did get one email this weekend from a guy who I did not email first. He's precious. I couldn't wait to share.

First of all - he's 49. 49! I am trying to be more open-minded about this whole age thing (in both directions) - but that's quite an age difference. If he was a Palin, he could be my dad.

Also, his profile picture is the classic Myspace photo (taken in front of a mirror). I'm willing to overlook those in some cases; I live alone, so I get it. But reflected in the mirror behind him is a large, white tiger (either on some kind of print or a throw). This did not bode well.

Not wanting to judge unfairly, I opened up his profile detail. The photos only got worse; shirtless, at a trailer with a chainsaw; at a pickup truck in the woods; and in (what I am assuming is) his living room - with a wagon wheel in the background, right next to his wide-screen TV.

Stop laughing. No, seriously....there's more....those are just the pictures.....

The site asks what you do for a living. His response: oun tree service n bounce zee bounce [NO - I'm not making that up!]


I'd share his profile with you, but honestly - it just got worse. All lower-case, no spaces between punctuation, and he misspelled the words "drama" and "goes."

I did not email him back. I cleaned out my closet instead.

To date or not to date....

The guy I mentioned in this post has re-emerged. He caught me on yahoo and started chatting. He asked if maybe we could get together sometime.

He gets points for approaching me first, apologizing for being a little too overbearing that night, and for suggesting we go out and do something, not inviting back over to "hang out."

He came right out and said that he's lonely, and that he'd like to try dating again. I appreciate that he came to me, but I dislike when a guy tells me he's lonely. I've spent time learning how to be alone without being lonely...I feel like I need someone who's in the same place.

There were other issues, too. He's a cool guy; smart, creative, funny, talented, attractive, etc. But I'm not sure there was a "spark" - and I don't care what this article says - I'm not doing that to anyone else.

If I ask any of my friends, they'll tell me to go out with him. But that's because they all think that I sit at home, crying in my takeout night after night, with nothing to do. The truth is - even if I wanted to go on a date this week, I don't have time.

So, instead, I'm asking you. To date or not to date....that is the question.

Walks like a duck....

I like to think that my singleness is a matter of choice. Yes, it was born from a breakup I took hard, but I made a decision to avoid dating until I was happier with myself, and with who I was meeting. So, I don't like to call what I'm in now a "rut." But still - if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck....

Quack.

So, I was reading this article about how to get out of a rut. The advice, for the most part, makes sense. It doesn't just talk about my kind of rut (aka - not really finding any dates); it also hits on dating patterns that will keep you from finding love, even if you're finding dates.

You don't feel good about yourself. This is probably the problem most of us have; I know I do. Let's face it - if you feel bad about yourself, you could be in a room full of single, interesting guys - but you won't approach them, and you won't be approachable.

You swear all the good ones are taken. Well, duh - this would definitely cause a rut. If you're not looking - not paying attention, even - you won't find anyone. Period.

You write off a date, thinking he lacks long-term potential. This is classic behavior of someone who truly is too scared; she shouldn't even be looking for a date. There's always a reason an excuse why this guy just isn't for her.

Your dates look great on paper - only. I guess this is the opposite of the excuse dilemma. Instead of looking for a reason not to date someone - you're making every excuse to keep dating someone, based on his resumé. Love is based on feelings; not on pedigrees.

You aren't feeling instant sparks. This is probably the one answer with which I don't really agree. The problem they present is writing someone off if you don't feel sparks on the first date. Their solution is, if you feel neutral - try again. Give the sparks a chance to grow. You can probably guess what my issue with that might be.

I'm not sure any of these address my current situation (with the possible exception of the "you don't feel good about yourself"). But, I know what to look out for if I ever waddle climb out of this rut.

Soundtrack

A friend posted about soundtracks the other day, and it got me thinking: My life doesn't really have a soundtrack. I like music, but it's not that big a part of who I am.

I don't have an iPod (anymore - grrr) and my CD collection moved out a couple of years ago. It doesn't really phase me. I rarely listen to music at home, but if I do, I can stream music off a radio station or listen to pandora. Truthfully, the only place I really listen to music is in the car.

I find the occasional "feel good" song that I like for myself. Currently, it's "Perfect" by Pink. Most of "my songs" are songs that make me think of someone special specific. Which can be a bit of a bummer - because a song goes from being happy to sad in the blink of a breakup.

A while back, Kristi Gustafson posed a question to her readers - What song title describes your love life (past and present)? At the time, I was still with Big - so my present song was....wait for it....You Make Me Smile by Uncle Kracker. I love that song - and now I can't even listen to it without crying.

But the real kicker? Life After You by Daughtry. I love that song - probably because it came out around the time that Big and I met, so it was on the radio, and in my head, often. So, I associate the song with him. Not to mention, the line, "...all that I'm after is a life full of laughter...as long as I'm laughing with you..." is exactly how I feel felt about Big.

Maybe music means as much to me as it does to other people; just in a different way.

Best of the Worst: Tanning booths and sex?

Like, I said, I'm not actively dating. While I figure out exactly what that means and how well it works, I am still perusing dating-site profiles, and of course, reading emails that are sent to me. Most sites will tell you who has viewed your profile - I often start there and just pick a profile at random.

This guy was cute. His photo looked nice, and he was smiling. Then I read his profile - and proceeded to copy and paste it here.

i'm still single,thx for looking,i like art,street art,fine art,graphics,bikes,motorcycles,tattoos,old stuff,going out,not into sports or tanning booths,i work long hours,own a home and a business,into a wide variety of music,i'm looking for a cool chick who is easy to get along with,i prefer .............!!! (check me out on facebook <insert private email here>) i have lost 40 pounds since these pictures were taken,i'm six foot four and 270 also,i was in a bad car accident last year,broke my back,pelvis,4 ribs,ruptured my spleen,bit my tounge in half,concussion,have not had sex since then and am having a hard time,sooo,i'm just looking for somebody who can deal with my issues,and that person is hard to find,thx

I don't ever, ever - ever - need your profile to tell me how long it's been since you had sex. Also, even if we set aside the craptastic (thanks Cute Ella) grammar - it's still an awful profile. Why? The whole point of a profile is to make an impression; to make someone want to get to know you more. Telling me you have issues and are looking for someone who can deal with them is not going to get that job done.

Am I saying someone with physical challenges shouldn't date? Nope. What I am saying is, dating should be fun. It's supposed to be an exciting time, when you're full of hope and looking forward to meeting new people. If you're all, "I'm bummed; life is tough; I can't deal," then how are you in the right frame of mind to date?

If you want to be upfront about physical issues, that's cool. I think people appreciate the disclosure. But be positive. "I was in a bad accident last year. Recovery has been a challenge, but I'm getting there. I still want to dance - but might ask you to hold my crutches while I show off my moves. ;)" Something like that. Let me know that you recognize you have limitations - but you're defining them, and not letting them define you.

If you're not really in that place? Then maybe you shouldn't be dating.

Also, the space bar is that huge key at the bottom of the keyboard. Can't miss it....

Passive dating?

Is passive dating a thing? I googled it, and what I found were articles about dating styles. Not exactly what I was looking for - but in case you're curious, here's a good one.

Here's what I'm wondering - what would a dating "expert" call a woman who is single, willing to meet people - but not actively looking for a date?

That's me right now. I am actively trolling my online profiles (here and here) - but more for blog material than actual dates. I have come across a couple of guys that were worth an email, but no one that's reciprocated my interest.

So, what am I? Maybe facebook needs a new status - Single, Not Dating. Or, like I tweeted the other day - Smarter Than the Rest of You.