Sunday, March 15, 2015

Not quite yet

I know, better than many, how bad an idea it is to rush into meeting new people after a heartbreak. So I know that right now is not a good time for me to return to online dating. If I had any active profiles, now would be the time to hide them all.
Besides, I meant it when I said that deleting those profiles was my way of breaking a bad cycle. The last thing I need right now is to revisit bad habits.
I found myself wondering why it's such a temptation. Am I lonely? Do I just feel like I need to do something to take back control? Am I just bored? Do I just want an ego boost?
I think it's a little bit of everything. A few minutes on a dating site could cure any of those problems. I'm single, I want to have a little fun, so what's the harm?
Meeting people is great - and obviously necessary when you want someone new in your life. When motivated by an honest desire to just find new people, it's the best thing possible - fun, innocent, healthy. All good stuff.
The problem is, when motivated by boredom or loneliness or low self-esteem, all that healthy fun goes out the window. You (or at least I) meet the wrong people. My guard is down, and I'm looking for just anyone, not good, quality people who have something to add to my life. That pattern is how I've met some of the worst guys ever (and I've met some pretty bad guys).
I am open to meeting new people right now - in other ways. That keeps me open to possibilities, without returning to bad habits. Meeting people online is familiar and easy and it can work - and I may return eventually. Just not quite yet.
(So if any of you know a nice single guy who likes short, curvy, sarcastic brunettes - send 'em my way. Just make sure they're not psycho.)


  1. I've had to talk myself down from the ledge many times on this one also. Online dating gives you attention and serves as a distraction, but ultimately, it will not move you forward. Admittedly, I will go on from time to time to just browse, but that's it.

    1. I have not found success in meeting people any other way. That has a lot to do with my social circle, and my personality (I'm very shy). I figure now is a good time to work on changing those things. Eventually I can return to online dating if I want, after I'm in a better frame of mind to use it effectively.

  2. I find interest in how you use the term 'good', 'wrong' and 'worst' in this context. Do your actions change when interacting online after a 'breakup'? What makes you more vulnerable then?

    1. I'm more vulnerable because my self-esteem is usually shot after someone breaks up with me. It doesn't necessarily change the way I interact. But being motiviated by low self-esteem, I will sometimes find myself saying yes to dates I wouldn't when I'm only motivated by wanting to meet quality guys.

      I'm not suggesting this is true for everyone. It's a pattern I noticed about myself once I really started paying attention to my dating habits.