Twin flame

This post has nothing to do with me, Trooper, or a breakup. How's that for a change?

Engineer still has a girlfriend, but that didn't stop another woman from striking up a conversation with him when a bunch of us were out not too long ago. He was just being friendly; she took it to a whole other level.

So over the weekend, he told her that he wasn't interested. He did this via text - which, you'd think, would be enough to send her running. Not this girl - she said she understood he needed time, and she's perfectly happy to give that to him, because she knows he'll be back. What makes her so sure?

Because she believes Engineer is her "twin flame."

I beg your pardon?


In case you don't feel like reading that whole thing, let me sum it up for you. Your twin flame is like a soul mate. The idea is that you were once one soul, and at some point, you split and have been reincarnated as separate souls over and over, waiting until your souls are ready to reunite. Ideally, you'll reunite in what will be each of your last earthly lives, so you can ascend together. (For the record, I'm not sure exactly where you're ascending, since I thought people who believed in reincarnation didn't believe in the other thing. But that's what it says.)

A twin flame is a very spiritual, karmic relationship. The connection would be deeper than any other relationship you'd ever had. Signs that you have met your twin flame include an overwhelming sense of love and attraction, finding yourselves in complete synchronicity (calling at the same time, buying each other the same gifts), feeling so close that you almost feel related, and the ability to contact each other through meditation.

I very nearly choked on my Memorial Day hot dog, I was laughing so hard.


Engineer has known this lovely lady for about a week, and she's already certain he is her twin flame - even though, as far as I can tell, none of those signs has appeared. He says she feels they must be connected because they have similar interests.

"What interests?" I asked. His answer? Music.

Wait - what?! You can't infer a deep, meaningful connection based on the fact that you both like music! Everyone likes music, for crying out loud!


Engineer is my friend; he means a lot to me, and has been more than good to me through my whole breakup, depression thing. I want him to be happy; and I want him to have someone who is kind, and loving, who appreciates him and brings good to his life. He deserves at least that much from a relationship.

Given my options, at this point, I think I'd prefer the girl who doesn't want to approve his facebook request.

Spring cleaning

We clean everything this time of year, don't we? Closets, cupboards, garages, gardens....the list keeps going. We try to shed clutter and debt and extra weight.

If you're single, I guess now is also the perfect time to take stock of your dating habits, figure out what you should keep - and get rid of those that aren't working.

I found this list at the How About We....? dating blog. I have to say I agree - mostly.
I was just saying to a friend this past weekend that I don't like "the hunt." I am more comfortable in a relationship; I value the familiarity and comfort of knowing with whom I'm going to be. Like I said to her - I like dating, but I'm tired of going on first dates. I want to get past that stage - I just can't seem to get there.

That makes me In the past, that has made me prone to settling. After Big, and especially after 28-Year-Old, I decided that was not going to happen again. After Crush, I learned that I want butterflies, and won't settle for anything less. As a result, I have fairly high standards - or am, as some people say, too picky.

But I don't judge a book by its cover. For example, my date from last week is a student. I wasn't able to glean from our email conversations whether that was a full-time situation, or if he also worked. That made me nervous, and in the past it might have caused me to resist an actual date. But this time, I decided to give it a chance, and see how it turned out - and I'm glad I did.

I don't believe that the bar can ever be set "too high." I think the bar can be set inappropriately - that women (and men) can focus on the wrong things. But to say someone sets a bar too high, or is too picky, or whatever, suggests that she should settle. That she should relax, even on things that are important to her. I disagree. I think it's important that every woman realize that she should not be afraid to find that guy who is perfect for her.

"Some people are settling down, some people are just settling. I refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." Sex and the City

Friday Five: Disney pick up lines

Ahhh.... Romance.

I subscribed to the blog over at How About We..., a dating site that centers around suggesting a first date - and then seeing who is interested in similar plans. It's kind of cool, though I'll admit there aren't too many members in my area. Yet.

Anyway, a few weeks back they had a post about a twitter trending topic - Disney pick up lines. Fun! Here are my favorite five. Click here to read the full post.

• I wanna hakuna your matata.
• What's around your river bend?
• Your name is Chitty. My name is Chitty. Let's go finish the musical.
• My name is Mickey and there's nothing Minnie about me.
• My names Sebastien but I don't have crabs.

Got any to add?

Best of the Worst: What do you write, exactly?

I ran across a profile the other day that screamed "best of worst" - but of course, I couldn't find it again when I was ready to put my ideas together.

While searching, I did find a profile that made me giggle. I was thisclose to actually emailing this guy, even though that is totally against my promise. According to his profile, he is a writer with a bachelors degree. He loves literature, writing, spirituality and peace, among other things.

His profile reads:

Relationships are like a two mile well, filled with the most disgusting shit. But the top two feet of that well is the sweetest honey we'll ever taste.

Let's not jump in and gobble up all the honey and be left with shit. Gently dip are fingers in from time to time, take a taste and preserve the honey.

Um...who do you suppose pays him to write? I wonder if I could get that job?

In all seriousness - it's an interesting profile. Though - it does seem like he's saying he's looking for something more casual - even though in the 'looking for' section it specifically says he wants a relationship. That's becoming more and more of a pet peeve - guys saying they want a relationship because it's what they think women want to see, and not because it's the truth.

Which is really what makes him one of the worst.

Lock & Key - Not left out

Like I said, the lock & key party brought me straight back to high school dances - where I was always left out.

That's an awful feeling. Indescribably awful. My nerves were so bad that the afternoon of the party - I almost bailed. Then an awesome friend tweeted some encouragement: Look at it this way - you're going to find you and for blog fodder; they're going to get lucky. You win.

So I went. Like I said, I was also keeping a promise to a new friend who, it turned out, was even more nervous than I. Knowing I wasn't actually there to find a guy, and that I wasn't the most nervous and least confident - actually empowered me.

I've read that a confident woman is immediately more attractive. I've also read that when you're not looking for a guy, you tend to find one. I put those theories to the test that night. Turns out - there's some truth to both.

Among suit guy, and the guys who made some serious social faux-pas, there was one very nice guy. We had a lot of fun chatting; we seemed to have a few things in common; and he had just the right amount of confidence-not-cockiness.

He asked if we could get together that weekend - which didn't really work for me. We did exchange phone numbers, and have messaged/texted a few times. No real plans have been made, and I honestly don't know if they ever will be. Still - it was nice not to be left out of the dance this time. Maybe it gave me the confidence I needed to recognize another opportunity? I'm not sure.

But it seems like sometimes, all you need is that extra boost.

Is it a date?

I consider myself a very forward, take-charge kinda lady. And by forward, take-charge - I, of course, mean impatient.

It's a real issue for me to "wait" for a guy to ask me out. Partly because of the aforementioned impatience. Mostly because it feels like a game - and I don't play games.

This being the case, it was really tough for me to take my friend's advice and let Crush ask me out. But I really was interested to see what would happen if I "played the part" - meaning I flirted and hinted, but didn't actually ask. 

We chatted several more times after that first night - conversations ranged from flirtatious to serious to deep. I found myself thinking about him often - and smiling. A lot.

I'd about had it Saturday night, when I met a friend for dinner. We were catching up and when I filled her in, her opinion was that it would be okay to just say to him that I enjoy our conversations online, and ask if he'd like to meet sometime - you know, take the online conversation offline? We agreed keeping it casual was best, and I went home that night totally prepared to send him a message and just see what happened.

Turns out - I didn't have to.

Long story short - he asked me to share a You Tube video he'd made, I did, we went back and forth for a while, and eventually, he said, "At the very least, I think I owe you a drink." 

Hmmm.....?

I surveyed several friends, guys and gals, and everyone seems to be in agreement that this was his way of asking for a date. Only time will tell. But for now - I'm smiling.

Check, please

It seems like everyone's been sharing their two cents lately about who should pay for dates. I figured I should get in on the action. I may even share a whole nickel worth.

I'm into romance and feeling special and old-fashioned chivalry as much as the next independent, self-sufficient, pseudo-modern woman. So I like when a guy pays for me; it makes me feel special, and like he really does like me. On a first date, I feel like it's his way of saying he wants there to be a second date. Which is kind of what I think Cali Bradshaw was trying to say here - that women, no matter what you've heard, do like to be pampered.

I really don't think that should come as news to anyone.

Thing is...I don't like the old-fashioned feeling that a lady owes a guy something because he paid. I sure as hell don't want to owe anyone anything! So, I'll admit that if I don't want a second date - I am inclined to offer to pay on the first. Or at least split the check. I think on some level, I feel that by letting him pay, I'm saying I do owe him something - another date. Plus, I'll admit - I feel bad making a guy pay, knowing it's not going anywhere.

Turns out - I might not be alone in that thinking. I came across this article via the magic of twitter just a day after reading Cali's post. Interesting.

So, what are my guidelines? Truth be told...

• If he requested the date, I expect he'll pay.
• If I requested the date, I expect to pay.
• If he wants a second date, I do expect he'll offer, because most guys do. That's not a deal-breaker.
• If I expect he's going to pay, I try to not to order something too crazy (price-wise). 
• I always make sure I'm in a position to pay the bill. 
• I always offer to pay (unless he beats me to it, and doing so is awkward) - and I'm always sincere. 
• I don't like splitting the bill; that makes it feel too much like a business transaction. 

What do you think? Who should pay, and when?

Lock & Key - Smart guy

Remember those guys I was telling you about, who practically insulted me to my face at the lock & key party? Well, I believe in giving credit where it's due, so - I gotta tell you that one of them did something I thought was very smart, and very, very impressive.

If you recall, a comment was made by one of the guys about Suit Guy, and a couple of the women (myself included) explained that women aren't really all that impressed by that sort of thing.

This is a unique opportunity. It was later in the evening; pretty obvious that none of us were interested in each other - so we really just a group of new friends talking. These guys had the perfect segue and opportunity to ask a couple of single women what we really do look for.

One of them took it.

So, we told them. Women like smart, nice, confident men. We like men who are honest; who are polite; who are funny. Who are natural, and who don't try too hard. Are looks and money really a factor? No. (Not that there aren't women out there focused on those things; just that they're not in the majority.)


And I explained that if he was going to meet women online, he needed to spell-check his profile and make sure that when he sends an email, it includes no typos, grammatical errors or "text talk." Then I got down off my soap-box.

What would you have told this guy if he asked what you look for in men?

Rule Book

The other day, while pondering this situation, it occurred to me that pondering might not really be necessary. I decided I needed a guy's perspective on whether or not Crush was actually showing any interest. So, I asked the only guy on earth I trust - my ex. I gave him the short version and asked his opinion on what the whole thing might mean.

My ex said no, Crush probably isn't interested. That once a guy, even a shy one, has gotten up the nerve to say hello, he will not walk away without getting a date, or at least planting that seed. He said I need to let Crush come to me. He says that's how I weed out the jerks from the nice guys; the ones who are willing to put in the effort are the ones that really like me.

Care to guess my response to that? Something along the lines of, well practically every date I ever had with Big was his doing - and he still walked away, saying he was never attracted to me, never thought of me as more than a friend, and that it was all my doing.

I think Ex mighta taken one for the team, as it were, which I did not intend. I apologized, though the story did make my cousin giggle.

I think a truly nice guy is one that would just know what he wants - and it wouldn't matter how it happened. Who cares who initiates the conversation, or asks for the first date? Shouldn't the point be that you've met this person, you're interested - and now you'll get a chance to see where it goes? Why does it always have to be a game with men? Who's in charge, who's setting the pace - what is that?

The truth is - I'm happy to play by whatever rule book anyone wants. I just wish they'd stop all the rewrites.

No-dating zone

Currently, I have a couple of "interests." One is a guy I met online who seems alarmingly normal, and therefore we won't be talking about him. Yet.

The other is a fun story. Let me go back to the beginning.

I was in college; freshman year. There was an upperclassman a bunch of my friends thought was just wonderful. I met him at some party/bar thing, and promptly developed a crush that lasted...well...until my next crush. (What? I was 18!)

A couple of years ago, I was at a birthday party my cousin was throwing for her husband. We all went to the same college; and they'd invited a couple of friends of theirs, also from college. The friends showed up with their cute-as-can-be baby girl. The guy looked familiar; I assumed it was just a vague college connection.

Think I connect those dots? If you do then you clearly don't read this blog regularly. Stick with me, I'm almost there. 

Fast forward to a couple of months ago. I connect with another guy from college on twitter. I start following his blog, where he regularly has friends contribute. Who shows up as a guest blogger? My crush from freshman year!

I followed him on twitter; he friended me on facebook. As I often do when I add a new friend, I checked out his profile (I like to see who I know that also knows other people I know - ya know?). Who shows up as a mutual friend? My cousin (the one who had the birthday party).

Yes, she knows him well from college. Yes, he is single - having broken up with the girlfriend he was with the night I met them at the birthday party. (Note to self: I really need to be more observant.) I decide this makes him officially undateable and forget the whole thing.

Then the other night - he opens a facebook chat and we start talking. For like two hours. About work, people, music, etc. He mentions he saw one of my online dating profiles, and we start chatting about being single and dating horror stories.

The next day my cousin announces that he is, in fact, dateable. The friend broke up with him, she and I aren't close anyway, etc.

So what do you think, readers? Dateable? Or am I in a no-dating zone?

Lock & Key - Suit of armor

I told you about the lock & key party, and that I met a few characters. I believe I also promised you some stories....

One of my favorites was Suit Guy. He came in a little later than me, so I didn't notice him until he sat down at a table not far from mine. He was good-looking, and seemed confident. He was well-dressed - though, I noticed he didn't unbutton the suit-jacket, which is unusual, especially when sitting down.
SN: One thing about the fact that I don't approach a lot of people at events like this - I see and hear a lot. I'm quiet, and almost never the center of attention. Sometimes, I think people actually forget I'm there, and maybe let their guard down more than they normally would.

Suit Guy was sitting at a table with a group he obviously knew. But he was seated so that he was almost facing anyone who approached the table, with the chair pointed out. Sort of half facing the table, half facing away. That seemed weird - until I noticed what was happening.

Seated that way, Suit Guy appeared to be inviting women over to him. He was making himself available to anyone who wanted to approach, without actually leaving the table or going off on his own. I also noticed that, as women approached him to see if his key would open their lock - he'd say they had to sit on his lap to find out. And they would.

Interesting.

One of the guys at my table shot Suit Guy a look-to-kill and said, "I hate guys who come to these things dressed like that. It's like women think they're rich or something." The other woman at the table, and I, were quick to dispell that myth. We told him that's actually not true. That women either give a guy like that the benefit of the doubt and assume he just came from work and couldn't change - or we think he's trying too hard.

I'll be honest - I wasn't positive which it was with Suit Guy. At first I assumed he'd just come from work - but the whole lap project seemed like he was trying awfully hard. The guys were convinced all the attention was because of the suit. But in all fairness - it could have been the fact that he was sitting so as to open himself up to the whole room. If anything, I guess I'd wonder if maybe he goes to a lot of these parties, and is a bit of a player?

Something else that was interesting? At the end of the night, he won a pair of movie tickets for a local theater. After all those women paraded over to him and sat on his lap, giggling and touching his arms, etc., etc. - think he invited anyone to the movies? Sure.

The one woman who refused to take a turn on his lap.

Bag of hair

Have you ever seen the movie Fever Pitch? If not, I highly recommend you do. (Though, you may want to skip the last ten minutes or so; an accurate retelling of the 2004 World Series. *shudders*)

There is a scene where Drew Barrymore's character is talking to her friends about how perfect her new boyfriend (Jimmy Fallon) is. Her friend asks what she thinks his "bag of hair" will be. Confused, they all look at the friend as if to say, "A-wha?" She goes on to explain about a woman she knew who was dating a guy who was also perfect - and then she found a bag of hair that he'd been collecting in his closet.

What do you do when you find your new love's 'bag of hair?" I'm not talking about finding out that the guy you love doesn't put the seat down, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste, or isn't good at laundry. We all know that no one is perfect, but those are the kind of things you either over-look because he's so wonderful otherwise - or you don't even notice at all because they're just not important.

I'm talking about learning something about a person that changes your whole perception of who you thought they were. Like, if you met a guy, dated him for a few months - and then found out he lived with his parents, or worked as a male-prostitute or wore brown shoes with a black belt (kidding - sort of).

This obviously comes up when you're dating. When we first meet someone, we put our best foot foward. We try and hide those things that we think might be a turn off, or that we would prefer to only have to explain to someone if it gets serious. So, stuff gets left out of the first date chatter.

I think this comes up even more when you meet people online. The first problem is that everyone assumes that people on a dating site are there for the same purpose; when, in fact, that's not really true. If you're there to find a relationship, it can be quite a bag of hair when you find out the guy you're talking to is only there for an FWB type arrangement.

Some people are really good behind a keyboard. They might appear really smooth, confident and sophisticated in their profile, and even in emails. But in person? Their awkward, lived-with-my-parents-til-I-was-forty self comes shining through. Other people think it's okay to flat-out lie in a profile. So, when you make a date and expect to meet a professional, educated guy with a great sense of humor - it's a huge shock when he shows up wearing a dirty t-shirt, driving a rusted pickup with a pack of cigarettes in his hand.

I find bags of hair all the time. Sometimes, it's little things, like a guy telling me that he can't live without modern communication - and then telling me he only wants to talk on the phone. Other times, it's something more signficant - like a guy saying he's looking for a relationship, only to turn around and ask me if I'm interested in casual sex.

What's the worst bag of hair you've found (online or off)?

Best of the Worst: Care to see my abs?

He was cute. His profile said he was a professional with a masters degree, and was looking for a relationship. His profile headline read: Are You the One? No kids, no drugs, no smoking, no divorce. His profile was well-written, with capitals and punctuation - I didn't even find one spelling error (and I looked, believe me!). He even admitted that he can be a little dorky, but can also be romantic, and said he preferred to start things slow, get a conversation going, and then take it from there.

He did one of these things where he said he wanted to meet me. (On plenty of fish, this is like a ranking game. I don't really understand it, to be honest.) I didn't approach him first, but since I heard from him, it's okay to respond - so I did. He emailed me back, introduced himself and said he'd like to chat. We exchanged a couple of emails - and on the fourth or fifth, he said to me:

Do you care to see my abs?

Unsure what exactly to do with that, I responded:

Um....no? Just looking to chat and see how things go.

I never heard back from him after that....

*shakes head*

What do you do with that? It's such a tough situation. Some guys just don't know any better; I don't want to be mean or judge harshly - but I also don't want to be made to feel uncomfortable.

I reread his profile, and my thought is that he joined the site looking for casual sex; then stayed thinking it was a way to meet dates, and maybe find something more when he's ready. Nothing wrong with that - but if you're going to approach someone whose profile clearly states she's here for dating and, ultimately, a relationship...

Maybe keep the abs covered for a little while longer.

Yeah, that...

Ever wonder...

• Why a guy would send you the exact same email he already sent you once - as though it's the first time he's contacted you? 
• Who the women are that wouldn't notice that? 
• Why a guy who doesn't know you and owes you nothing would go to the trouble of saying he'd like your phone number so that you could meet - only to not call? Why not just say nothing? 
• Why the same friends who say it's so cool that you're single, and that they think you're awesome for not settling, turn around and settle for guys who treat them poorly, just so they don't have to be alone?
• Who would include the word computer in their user name, and then say they're not much for writing email messages?
• Why guys assume that because you're on a dating website, you are looking for casual sex? There are sites for that if that's what you're looking for.

You know those days when things just don't seem to be going right, and everything seems a little bit more challenging than it should be? Yeah, that....

Just in case

I stumbled on this post about date ideas that are likely to create chemistry.

I used to love shopping dates. It's so random; especially if you're shopping somewhere that has a variety of shops all within walking distance. I went on more than one shopping date with Big - including several where I was Christmas shopping and looking for something specific - and we always had fun.

Another favorite date of mine is a museum. It triggers some fantastic conversation, and is also great for people watching. I'm not big on the idea of group-eating, but the article mentions an us-against-the-world type of mentality - people watching will get that going.

Dinner is a fine dinner idea...but I prefer not to do that for a first date. I've been on those dates where you know within a few minutes that it isn't going anywhere...but there you are, trapped in a booth. No thanks.

Same goes for movies; a perfectly fun idea, but probably not until after you've had  few dates with the guy. There's no real way to get to know anyone in a theater. Though, if you must go to a movie, you can pay attention to where he likes to sit, how early he likes to get there - and his choice in movie snack. All important to know.

If weather is permitting, amusement parks, fairs and festivals can also make a fun date. Something different, a little fun - and maybe you can win him a prize. Plus, if you still like each other after dealing with crowds, walking and over-priced junk food all day - maybe there really is something there.

I might be looking for some date ideas in the near future, so I thought I'd ask....

What are some of your favorite date ideas?

To date or not to date....

The guy I mentioned in this post has re-emerged. He caught me on yahoo and started chatting. He asked if maybe we could get together sometime.

He gets points for approaching me first, apologizing for being a little too overbearing that night, and for suggesting we go out and do something, not inviting back over to "hang out."

He came right out and said that he's lonely, and that he'd like to try dating again. I appreciate that he came to me, but I dislike when a guy tells me he's lonely. I've spent time learning how to be alone without being lonely...I feel like I need someone who's in the same place.

There were other issues, too. He's a cool guy; smart, creative, funny, talented, attractive, etc. But I'm not sure there was a "spark" - and I don't care what this article says - I'm not doing that to anyone else.

If I ask any of my friends, they'll tell me to go out with him. But that's because they all think that I sit at home, crying in my takeout night after night, with nothing to do. The truth is - even if I wanted to go on a date this week, I don't have time.

So, instead, I'm asking you. To date or not to date....that is the question.

Not quite

Remember that guy I was telling you about? Well, I totally chickened out on asking him out on twitter or facebook. But, as luck would have it, I stumbled upon his profile on a dating site. Since dating is the purpose of the site, and since we were both there anyway....I sent him a message.

Me: I stumbled upon your profile, and thought...don't I know him? Turns out - I do! We should get together some time, and trade horror...I mean, funny....stories.

Him: Ha! Yeah, I've run into a few people I know on here. Weird. Should we just meet at (the place we ran into each other once before)? ;)

Me: If I remember correctly, you didn't like the coffee. Must be someplace better.

Him: Nah, decent coffee. 

Me: Well, what about (a local coffee place)?

*crickets*

Yeah, haven't heard from him since. Not only that, I replied to one of his tweets (as a joke; not date-related at all) which also remains ignored. I'm assuming that means that he only responded to be polite, and is not interested.

There's no way to know what turned him off. It could be something in my profile on that site; or it could be something I've posted elsewhere (like twitter or a blog). It could be anything, really - for all I know, it might not even have anything to do with me.

But of course, I focus on my looks, because that's my most vulnerable point.

So, while it's fine that he's not interested, I have to admit - my ego wasn't ready for the bruise. Since that's just a reality of dating - I think it's safe to assume that I'm probably not ready for the whole "dating scene" yet. So, I'll return to my single-not-dating status.

For now.

How about we....

....is a new dating website that's focused less on the person and more on their suggestion for a first date. Profiles start out with, "How about we...." and the person finishes the sentence by saying what they would want to do on a date. "....go to a movie," or, "or go to dinner," or "go kayaking."

Huh?

I created a profile just to see what the site was about, and haven't yet decided what I think. To be fair, it is a new site, so there aren't many members - which makes finding matches tougher. I like the concept - but one problem is that a lot of members don't use the site properly. So, their profile starts with, "How about we.... looking for a beautiful, smart, intelligent Barbie Doll..." Kidding. Sort of.

It says a lot about someone when they can't even follow simple instructions. It's too bad, too, because what someone suggests for a first date says a lot about him. Is he traditional, conventional or just plain boring? Or is he fun, spontaneous and a little adventurous?

Personally, I like something very low key. I like to be able to talk to my date, but I don't like to feel committed to a long date. I mean, what if it isn't going well? Ever been trapped in a dinner/movie situation? Oy.

What would you suggest for a first date? If it's good I might steal it. :)

Inner twelve-year-old

I have (what I think might be) a bad habit. I tend to judge a guy, and our entire relationship potential, without even giving it a chance. Especially when I'm feeling like as I am now - unsure of myself. So I come up with excuses reasons why the relationship wouldn't work, and why I should therefore not even bother.

For instance, this guy...he has some hobbies in which I know I'm not interested, and that it wouldn't be fun for us to share. So, then I decide I'll just leave it alone, because why bother wasting his time or my time, and I'll just save us both the trouble, because really what good would it do for either of us to get our hopes up in a relationship that isn't going anywhere, anyway. *deep breath*

I'm willing to bet that if I were to read anything written by a relationship "expert," he/she would tell me this is a very bad idea. That it's a mistake to make assumptions; that if I'm interested, I should at least give it a chance, and see where it goes.

The thirty-something woman in me knows that's true. But my inner sixteen-year-old is still reeling from not being invited to the prom.

First step

One minute, I just want to stay on my dating hiatus; the next minute, I'm trolling online dating profiles, or thinking up strategies to ask that guy out.

Oy.

It's tough making the first move. I think it's easier for me to do online. For one thing, if I find a guy on a dating site, it's pretty safe to assume he's there to meet people. Worst case scenario, he's not interested and doesn't reply - I'm no worse off, and there was no in-person rejection.

But to approach a stranger - or worse yet, someone I know casually? Oh, that's a whole different story. First, there's the fear of rejection. That's so much more embarrassing in person (I think, anyway). Second, if it's a friend, I put the friendship at risk. That's a scary thought - because it means I actually do have something to lose.

I was reading this article about reasons to make the first move. Makes some sense...but the whole idea still makes me nervous.

How do you get past that hurdle?