Recently, I mentioned two dates on my facebook page, and a reader commented I should be her dating coach because she hasn't had one date in a while, let alone two.
I replied that she probably does just fine. Unless you have a dating blog (and a need for consistently new stories) quality is much more important than quantity when it comes to dating.
One side effect of online dating is quantity - which is why I have active profiles on three different dating sites. Another side effect is men coming out of the woodwork. It's happened before - and it happened again this past weekend.
Thursday night, a guy with whom I made a very big mistake last summer sent me a facebook message to ask me out. He went from telling me he wanted to go to the movies to telling me he wants to just date to telling me he wants to be in a relationship with me. I pointed out that he'd (literally) just said he didn't want anything serious. I'm still waiting for his retort.
Friday, Chef texted me. He's been MIA for about 6 weeks - apparently, he was spending time with his aunt in the south, where they obviously don't have internet or cellular connections, and was unable to send me any messages. He'd like to have dinner.
Saturday, I woke to two separate emails from guys who said I'm cute. Well, one said "Wow, your cute!" (sigh) and the other said I am "cute as a button." I appreciated the compliments (and thanked them both) but honestly, one is in his fifties and the other used a picture of himself holding a fish as his profile picture. We aren't a match.
I also spent Saturday fending off messages from three separate guys who just couldn't hold a conversation. One I engaged with a bit because it was freaking hysterical - more on that to come.
Sunday, Bachelor #1 (Remember him?) called - twice. He left one message, which I have not returned.
I did have a date Friday night - who canceled. He made up for it Sunday, and we had a lovely time.
So if you're frustrated by how difficult it is to meet new people, online dating might be worth a shot. You can meet people - sometimes a lot of people - easily and fairly quickly.
Sometimes, a little too easily.
Showing posts with label Chef. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chef. Show all posts
Monday, May 20, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Guess I had it coming
After the nonsense I've had going on, it was only a matter of time before I messed up my dating karma.
First, a few weeks ago, Bachelor #1 asked to see me. It had been a couple of weeks, and I honestly thought he had just lost interest - and was honestly OK. I said yes, but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go on a date just for the sake of having a date. We don't want the same things and he's clearly only interested in seeing what he can get. Not to mention, our compatibility is questionable at best.
So I canceled. I gave him several days notice, and told him a family obligation had come up that I couldn't ignore. I wanted to get out of the date without upsetting him, being mean, or writing him off completely. It was lame and cowardly and I know better.
So when he asked to go out the following weekend, it was no surprise when he texted just a few hours before I was supposed to pick him up and canceled - saying "something came up" with his family. Hey, it was a taste of my own medicine, which I can accept. (Side note: What I don't accept is the booty call attempt I got the following day. We have not spoken since. If he contacts me again, he will feel the full impact of my honesty.)
Not to be outdone, Mr. 1:30 am Booty Call (from that same post) stopped talking to me entirely the next day. He texted to say hi, I replied - and haven't heard from him since. I suppose he was annoyed that I never responded to his late night/early morning message. I was offended - but two wrongs never make a right, and I should have replied in the morning. Since I didn't, I really can't be upset that he has since written me off.
You may remember that I mentioned Chef had also emailed me. He asked if I would get together with him, and we made tentative plans, which I legitimately had to cancel. I offered a couple of alternate dates, and he replied by saying he's completely busy, maybe another time.
It's not right to cancel plans, blow someone off, or just fade away. I know that because it's been done to me plenty, and quite frankly, it sucks. Moments like these remind me that it is no more excusable when I do something similar, whether or not I intended to hurt any feelings.
These moments also serve as a lesson that I shouldn't be so hard on guys who do the same to me. Maybe they didn't care about my feelings - or maybe they were really just tired, or sick, or scared, or unsure.
Either way, anybody can make a mistake. Maybe I need to make remembering that my dating karma.
First, a few weeks ago, Bachelor #1 asked to see me. It had been a couple of weeks, and I honestly thought he had just lost interest - and was honestly OK. I said yes, but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go on a date just for the sake of having a date. We don't want the same things and he's clearly only interested in seeing what he can get. Not to mention, our compatibility is questionable at best.
So I canceled. I gave him several days notice, and told him a family obligation had come up that I couldn't ignore. I wanted to get out of the date without upsetting him, being mean, or writing him off completely. It was lame and cowardly and I know better.
So when he asked to go out the following weekend, it was no surprise when he texted just a few hours before I was supposed to pick him up and canceled - saying "something came up" with his family. Hey, it was a taste of my own medicine, which I can accept. (Side note: What I don't accept is the booty call attempt I got the following day. We have not spoken since. If he contacts me again, he will feel the full impact of my honesty.)
Not to be outdone, Mr. 1:30 am Booty Call (from that same post) stopped talking to me entirely the next day. He texted to say hi, I replied - and haven't heard from him since. I suppose he was annoyed that I never responded to his late night/early morning message. I was offended - but two wrongs never make a right, and I should have replied in the morning. Since I didn't, I really can't be upset that he has since written me off.
You may remember that I mentioned Chef had also emailed me. He asked if I would get together with him, and we made tentative plans, which I legitimately had to cancel. I offered a couple of alternate dates, and he replied by saying he's completely busy, maybe another time.
It's not right to cancel plans, blow someone off, or just fade away. I know that because it's been done to me plenty, and quite frankly, it sucks. Moments like these remind me that it is no more excusable when I do something similar, whether or not I intended to hurt any feelings.
These moments also serve as a lesson that I shouldn't be so hard on guys who do the same to me. Maybe they didn't care about my feelings - or maybe they were really just tired, or sick, or scared, or unsure.
Either way, anybody can make a mistake. Maybe I need to make remembering that my dating karma.
Friday, April 12, 2013
A little boring
In case you're one of the people worried that single gals are always completely lonely and bored, listen to how my weekend went.
Saturday morning - I was approached by Mr. Crazy-Pants at the gym. He wouldn't take my hints to go away, so I had to leave. I hurried home and immediately hid all of my profiles. On a bright note, I have never moved so quickly during a workout.
Saturday afternoon - After canceling a date on Friday, Bachelor #1 texted to find out how late I would be (I was attending a party out of town). He thought perhaps we could "meet up" after.
Does that sound like an attempt at a booty-call? It did to me - and it annoyed me. A lot.
During the party, I received an email from Chef. Just checking in (after, like, three months). Hopes I will hang out with him sometime.
On the way home from the party, I received an email on Match from a guy I've been trying to connect with for two months. He favorited me, I winked at him, he winked back, I emailed him - and he never responded, until now. Finally some good news! We exchanged phone numbers, but that was all.
I got home from the party around midnight. At 12:30 am, I got a text from a guy who I had never met in person, and only emailed briefly on Plenty of Fish. He'd asked me out for Saturday, so he knew I had plans. Guess he assumed I'd be awake. He suggested we meet out. I declined.
I'm not positive he was attempting a booty call. However, guys, it's worth noting that when you suggest getting together after a certain hour (I'd say about 10 pm) it's always - always - suspect.
While I was lamenting my day by venting to Baking Suit, I got another text. At 1:15 am. From a guy I've been talking with, but haven't met. His text consisted of, "Wyd?" I didn't answer.
Talk about suspect. This totally felt like another attempted booty-call. At this point, I just wanted to cry.
On Sunday, I'd agreed to meet Mr. 12:30am for coffee, though I had no hope we would have a connection. I was right. I was in the coffee shop for less than an hour. While I was in there, I got a text from Mr. Ding-a-Ling, and an email from another guy on Plenty of Fish.
I wished both of them a Happy Sunday. Then I went home and hid under the covers until Monday night.
Sometimes, a little boring is exactly what a single gal needs.
Saturday morning - I was approached by Mr. Crazy-Pants at the gym. He wouldn't take my hints to go away, so I had to leave. I hurried home and immediately hid all of my profiles. On a bright note, I have never moved so quickly during a workout.
Saturday afternoon - After canceling a date on Friday, Bachelor #1 texted to find out how late I would be (I was attending a party out of town). He thought perhaps we could "meet up" after.
Does that sound like an attempt at a booty-call? It did to me - and it annoyed me. A lot.
During the party, I received an email from Chef. Just checking in (after, like, three months). Hopes I will hang out with him sometime.
On the way home from the party, I received an email on Match from a guy I've been trying to connect with for two months. He favorited me, I winked at him, he winked back, I emailed him - and he never responded, until now. Finally some good news! We exchanged phone numbers, but that was all.
I got home from the party around midnight. At 12:30 am, I got a text from a guy who I had never met in person, and only emailed briefly on Plenty of Fish. He'd asked me out for Saturday, so he knew I had plans. Guess he assumed I'd be awake. He suggested we meet out. I declined.
I'm not positive he was attempting a booty call. However, guys, it's worth noting that when you suggest getting together after a certain hour (I'd say about 10 pm) it's always - always - suspect.
While I was lamenting my day by venting to Baking Suit, I got another text. At 1:15 am. From a guy I've been talking with, but haven't met. His text consisted of, "Wyd?" I didn't answer.
Talk about suspect. This totally felt like another attempted booty-call. At this point, I just wanted to cry.
On Sunday, I'd agreed to meet Mr. 12:30am for coffee, though I had no hope we would have a connection. I was right. I was in the coffee shop for less than an hour. While I was in there, I got a text from Mr. Ding-a-Ling, and an email from another guy on Plenty of Fish.
I wished both of them a Happy Sunday. Then I went home and hid under the covers until Monday night.
Sometimes, a little boring is exactly what a single gal needs.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Law of attraction
On New Year's Day, X and I met up at a wake. [Great way to start the new year, right? Hopefully my family won't be making this a tradition.]
Neither of us were particularly close to the deceased. We know his family...kinda. So, we sat together, and since it was a wake, naturally we discussed sushi, his girlfriend, and upcoming vacations. Eventually, we got around to discussing my dating life, because why not?
"Billy asked me to stop 'pushing'," I said. "So I have. Now he won't go away."
"You know what that is, right? The law of attraction. People always want what they can't have."
I suppose that's true. I know that "playing hard to get" works for that reason - especially if you're dealing with the sort of guy who likes to do the chasing.
The thing is....I'm not playing hard to get. I stopped pushing because Billy hurt my feelings, and I decided I don't want to be around someone who hurts my feelings.
It's not just him, either. The holidays, apparently, make people just fall out of the black hole. Between Christmas and New Years, I was contacted by at least five different men, all of whom had - in one way or another - blown me off in recent months. Now, suddenly, it seems I'm all sorts of attractive.
Why?
It's the holidays, I guess. These guys didn't reject me before because I was a bad option - I just wasn't what they wanted at the time. Christmas and New Years bring out thedesperation romance in people. I'm sure they all went looking in their little black book contact list, saw me, and thought, "Hey, she wasn't too bad!"
Awwww...just what every girl dreams of - being "not too bad." I feel all warm and fuzzy.
Is that another "law of attraction?" I know the holidays obviously trigger something that makes people want to reach out and connect. People, especially single adults with little family connection, feel lonely during that time of year. The urge to fill that void, and avoid the loneliness, makes all the sense in the world.
The law of attraction also states that "like attracts like." The example given is opening an envelope; if you expect to see a bill - you'll see a bill. It's the power of positive thinking - you have to attract what you want.
If that's the case, then when we chase what we can't have, aren't we sending the universe a message that we're OK to settle? That we're willing to be with someone who doesn't really want us, just to be with someone? Wouldn't the law of attraction work that way, too?
I suppose in a way, the law of attraction is just another dating game. Sometimes - games make sense. If you just want a date, or a fling, or attention, playing games is the quickest way. But if I'm putting games out there...wouldn't it follow that I'll get games back in return?
If I'm looking for something honest and true and good - I'm not sure that will work. I don't want attention because I'm "not that bad." I don't want a fling to get me through the holidays, and I don't want just a date to keep me company until he's not lonely anymore.
So I think by saying "OK" to any of that - I'm undermining my own goals.
These are all great guys. I'd have been happy if something had worked with any of them. But for whatever reason, they walked away before.
I want someone who will find me - and not want to let me go. Someone who realizes how lucky he is that I am in his life. Someone who adds to my happy.
My new law of attraction? If you can't give me that, you don't get to stay.
Neither of us were particularly close to the deceased. We know his family...kinda. So, we sat together, and since it was a wake, naturally we discussed sushi, his girlfriend, and upcoming vacations. Eventually, we got around to discussing my dating life, because why not?
"Billy asked me to stop 'pushing'," I said. "So I have. Now he won't go away."
"You know what that is, right? The law of attraction. People always want what they can't have."
I suppose that's true. I know that "playing hard to get" works for that reason - especially if you're dealing with the sort of guy who likes to do the chasing.
The thing is....I'm not playing hard to get. I stopped pushing because Billy hurt my feelings, and I decided I don't want to be around someone who hurts my feelings.
Why?
It's the holidays, I guess. These guys didn't reject me before because I was a bad option - I just wasn't what they wanted at the time. Christmas and New Years bring out the
Awwww...just what every girl dreams of - being "not too bad." I feel all warm and fuzzy.
Is that another "law of attraction?" I know the holidays obviously trigger something that makes people want to reach out and connect. People, especially single adults with little family connection, feel lonely during that time of year. The urge to fill that void, and avoid the loneliness, makes all the sense in the world.
The law of attraction also states that "like attracts like." The example given is opening an envelope; if you expect to see a bill - you'll see a bill. It's the power of positive thinking - you have to attract what you want.
If that's the case, then when we chase what we can't have, aren't we sending the universe a message that we're OK to settle? That we're willing to be with someone who doesn't really want us, just to be with someone? Wouldn't the law of attraction work that way, too?
I suppose in a way, the law of attraction is just another dating game. Sometimes - games make sense. If you just want a date, or a fling, or attention, playing games is the quickest way. But if I'm putting games out there...wouldn't it follow that I'll get games back in return?
If I'm looking for something honest and true and good - I'm not sure that will work. I don't want attention because I'm "not that bad." I don't want a fling to get me through the holidays, and I don't want just a date to keep me company until he's not lonely anymore.
So I think by saying "OK" to any of that - I'm undermining my own goals.
These are all great guys. I'd have been happy if something had worked with any of them. But for whatever reason, they walked away before.
I want someone who will find me - and not want to let me go. Someone who realizes how lucky he is that I am in his life. Someone who adds to my happy.
My new law of attraction? If you can't give me that, you don't get to stay.
Friday, December 28, 2012
A tone for 2013
2012 started off just ducky. I thought I'd found the love of my life; my happily-ever-after. He turned out to be nothing more than a really well-disguised frog who broke my heart and sent me reeling into months of grief and heartache. Thank goodness for good friends.
Then I met a guy who, though it didn't work out, taught me an awful lot about myself. I learned what I really want from a relationship, and what I need to change in order to find it. Plus he took me on a really good vacation.
I also met a couple of OK guys. One taught me that ridiculously good-looking guys could actually be interested in me. A valuable lesson, which helped me to meet another guy.
I attempted a dating nap - and failed miserably. It's coming, trust me.
I went on a few really bad dates. Eventually, I met a guy I really like, which has led to very little positive. You haven't heard about him, because I can't even find words to describe how I feel. Yes, it is that bad, and that is how the year is ending.
Still, 2012 wasn't a total loss. I learned a lot, did a lot, and made some important decisions. I made some bad choices, which led to some good stories.
But I'm not sorry to see 2012 go.
I plan to ring in 2013 alone; home with my new TV, my BluRay (both courtesy of X), and my kitties. I believe that 2013 will be a good year, full of positive choices and options, and new, exciting stories. I believe 2013 will be a year full of happy. I believe that any good I find will start within me.
So the tone I'm setting for 2013 is one of peace and quiet, and comfort and happiness - all found with me, and me alone. I'm hoping it helps me to find the center I'll need to move forward and make 2013 a fabulous year.
"Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties." Hellen Keller
Monday, December 17, 2012
It's raining
In many ways, my life is cyclical. Either there's nothing going on - or everything is happening all at once.
Some might guess this is because my astrological sign is Cancer, which is ruled by the moon, which of course is cyclical. Others might guess it's because I'm a woman, and we're also cyclical. Some might say it's because that's how it is for everyone.
I say I really don't care why it happens...but for whatever reason, when it rains in my life - it freakin' pours.
That's never more true than when it comes to dating. I go through long stretches where I meet no one and am ready to adopt 18 cats. Then, out of nowhere, someone pulls a plug on the black hole, and all the guys fall out and land in a heaping pile smack in the middle of my nice, calm, quiet, happy little existence.
Cooties.
That's what happened at the beginning of the month. In one day, I got an email from a guy I went out with once three years ago (pre-Big), another guy who I had talked with before Trooper but never actually met in person - and this guy. I also got a message from a guy on Match who I thought had gone away (not this one, another one), and a guy on Plenty of Fish started calling me again, after we hadn't talked in a while.
That was one weekend. See what I'm saying? Pour-ing....
....and I haven't even mentioned the new guy I met the next day.
I'll admit the attention is good for my ego - but not much else. It makes life busy and complicated and stressful. I'm worried that I'll lead someone on, or that I'll meet a few people who seem right - and then pursue the wrong one. I'm worried that no one will end up liking me, and I'll feel let down.
I would much prefer to meet one person at a time, see how it goes, and then if it doesn't work out, replace him with the next. A nice, organized, calm, orderly love-life.
The thing is, life doesn't always give us what we prefer. It gives us what we need, and often that arrives in the form of a lesson to be learned, in preparation for something bigger.
So I can let myself get caught up in the rain, and all stressed out, and worry if I'll make a mistake, and eventually just chicken out and avoid the whole thing. Or I can take a breath and realize that the storm was sent for a reason, and if I push through, there's probably something even better for me on the other side.
Time to grab my umbrella.
Some might guess this is because my astrological sign is Cancer, which is ruled by the moon, which of course is cyclical. Others might guess it's because I'm a woman, and we're also cyclical. Some might say it's because that's how it is for everyone.
I say I really don't care why it happens...but for whatever reason, when it rains in my life - it freakin' pours.
That's never more true than when it comes to dating. I go through long stretches where I meet no one and am ready to adopt 18 cats. Then, out of nowhere, someone pulls a plug on the black hole, and all the guys fall out and land in a heaping pile smack in the middle of my nice, calm, quiet, happy little existence.
Cooties.
That's what happened at the beginning of the month. In one day, I got an email from a guy I went out with once three years ago (pre-Big), another guy who I had talked with before Trooper but never actually met in person - and this guy. I also got a message from a guy on Match who I thought had gone away (not this one, another one), and a guy on Plenty of Fish started calling me again, after we hadn't talked in a while.
That was one weekend. See what I'm saying? Pour-ing....
....and I haven't even mentioned the new guy I met the next day.
I'll admit the attention is good for my ego - but not much else. It makes life busy and complicated and stressful. I'm worried that I'll lead someone on, or that I'll meet a few people who seem right - and then pursue the wrong one. I'm worried that no one will end up liking me, and I'll feel let down.
I would much prefer to meet one person at a time, see how it goes, and then if it doesn't work out, replace him with the next. A nice, organized, calm, orderly love-life.
The thing is, life doesn't always give us what we prefer. It gives us what we need, and often that arrives in the form of a lesson to be learned, in preparation for something bigger.
So I can let myself get caught up in the rain, and all stressed out, and worry if I'll make a mistake, and eventually just chicken out and avoid the whole thing. Or I can take a breath and realize that the storm was sent for a reason, and if I push through, there's probably something even better for me on the other side.
Time to grab my umbrella.
Friday, October 19, 2012
She wanted to play hooker
Remember I promised to tell you about the woman Chef met, who he said came on too strong? I always keep my promises.
Acording to Chef:
Sort of reminds me of something that happened not too long ago. A guy emailed me on a dating site, and I replied. His second message asked how I was doing, and I replied that I was having a nice quiet night. His response?
"Want me to cum over and make it not so quiet?"
Good grief.
Don't get me wrong. I'm no prude. I think sexual fantasies can be fun and healthy and a great part of a good relationship. I also think innuendo can be funny.
Like with any humor, time and place is important, as is knowing your audience. So how long does it take to know someone well enough that you can share these comments and thoughts?
I'm not exactly sure. Somewhere between one week and a lifetime, I think. Three messages is definitely way too soon.
Acording to Chef:
We met online. She admitted that she had approached me because I am tall and black - and those are her only requirements.
She also told me she wanted me to treat her like a hooker - telling her what to do, yelling at her, etc. That was her sexual fantasy, that she wanted someone to fulfill.
She shared this with me after a week of texting - and before we'd ever gone on a date, or even talked on the phone.
I wanted to play scrabble...she wanted to play hooker.I found the whole thing pretty funny. Truth be told, I couldn't stop laughing. I'm always amazed at how quickly a guy who seems normal can turn - I guess I sometimes forget that women can do the exact same thing.
Sort of reminds me of something that happened not too long ago. A guy emailed me on a dating site, and I replied. His second message asked how I was doing, and I replied that I was having a nice quiet night. His response?
"Want me to cum over and make it not so quiet?"
Good grief.
Don't get me wrong. I'm no prude. I think sexual fantasies can be fun and healthy and a great part of a good relationship. I also think innuendo can be funny.
Like with any humor, time and place is important, as is knowing your audience. So how long does it take to know someone well enough that you can share these comments and thoughts?
I'm not exactly sure. Somewhere between one week and a lifetime, I think. Three messages is definitely way too soon.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
I'll admit...
...that I got this idea from Baking Suit.
...that I should probably not continue to spend time with Chef - but I probably will, at least for now.
...that Mr. Ding-a-Ling and I might not be compatible for the long run, but I'd still like to meet him.
...that While mysterious and intriguing may not be the basis of a great relationship, they could be the basis of a really great story.
...that My future is so important to me, I have a tough time living in the present.
...that I sometimes give myself permission to make a mistake, as long as I know I'm not hurting anyone else, and I believe I can handle any personal consequences.
...that It has taken me a long time, but I finally know what I want out of life, and a relationship, and I'm getting much better at recognizing when a person can't offer what I need.
...that I probably seem like I make all sorts of bad decisions, but that isn't always the case.
...that Sometimes I talk to guys just for entertainment, practice, or a blog post.
...that Sometimes I'm too careful.
....that Other times, I'm not careful enough.
...that I'm happy that Trooper is in my life, but sometimes it breaks my heart that he doesn't love me the way I love him.
...that I really do miss Sparrow, even though I know it couldn't have worked.
...that I am sometimes afraid that I will never find the love that I want.
...that I am sometimes afraid I don't deserve the love that I want.
...that I sometimes doubt if I'm pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough, or successful enough. Sometimes I just doubt if I'm enough, period.
...that I always (eventually) come back to my faith, and repeat to myself over and over, "Just believe" - and then I do.
...that life is scary, and it would be a hell of a lot scarier if I didn't have my friends.
...that I should probably not continue to spend time with Chef - but I probably will, at least for now.
...that Mr. Ding-a-Ling and I might not be compatible for the long run, but I'd still like to meet him.
...that While mysterious and intriguing may not be the basis of a great relationship, they could be the basis of a really great story.
...that My future is so important to me, I have a tough time living in the present.
...that I sometimes give myself permission to make a mistake, as long as I know I'm not hurting anyone else, and I believe I can handle any personal consequences.
...that It has taken me a long time, but I finally know what I want out of life, and a relationship, and I'm getting much better at recognizing when a person can't offer what I need.
...that I probably seem like I make all sorts of bad decisions, but that isn't always the case.
...that Sometimes I talk to guys just for entertainment, practice, or a blog post.
...that Sometimes I'm too careful.
....that Other times, I'm not careful enough.
...that I'm happy that Trooper is in my life, but sometimes it breaks my heart that he doesn't love me the way I love him.
...that I really do miss Sparrow, even though I know it couldn't have worked.
...that I am sometimes afraid that I will never find the love that I want.
...that I am sometimes afraid I don't deserve the love that I want.
...that I sometimes doubt if I'm pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough, or successful enough. Sometimes I just doubt if I'm enough, period.
...that I always (eventually) come back to my faith, and repeat to myself over and over, "Just believe" - and then I do.
...that life is scary, and it would be a hell of a lot scarier if I didn't have my friends.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I'm a snob
I went on a date the other night with this guy.
Turns out - he's really not a jerk. He really did delete his profile because he didn't like the women who were approaching him. He was not attempting to plant doubt in my head about my previous relationship, but rather comment on how impressed he was by the lengths to which I would go to try and make a relationship work.
A few weeks back I told him I couldn't continue talking to him because I needed time to sort things out with Sparrow, and see if it could be worked on. He reacted poorly; he's since admitted that was becasue he prefers to not be in situations where he knows he doesn't have a chance.
That seemed very fair - and honest.
During a phone conversation, and subsequent date, I learned a lot.
But the more I think about it - the more I think (and hope) she might be on to something.
His "bachelor" status is, in large part, tied to his lifestyle. Being single suits him; and he suits the single life.
So maybe it isn't about me being a snob, or getting too caught up in the future. Maybe it isn't about me not wanting to try, or make an effort, or seeing things in black & white.
Maybe it is about me finally recognizing that I am in control. Maybe I'm finally learning that it is OK to keep searching for the right person who fits into my life, instead of trying to fit myself for the the wrong people.
Maybe it's about acknowledging, and appreciating, that everyone will have some good qualities. Maybe it's about learning what qualities are actually important to me.
Or maybe I am just a snob.
Either way - at least I know I'm in control.
Turns out - he's really not a jerk. He really did delete his profile because he didn't like the women who were approaching him. He was not attempting to plant doubt in my head about my previous relationship, but rather comment on how impressed he was by the lengths to which I would go to try and make a relationship work.
A few weeks back I told him I couldn't continue talking to him because I needed time to sort things out with Sparrow, and see if it could be worked on. He reacted poorly; he's since admitted that was becasue he prefers to not be in situations where he knows he doesn't have a chance.
That seemed very fair - and honest.
During a phone conversation, and subsequent date, I learned a lot.
- He's very tall
He cooks (we'll call him Chef - which totally makes me think of the muppets)
Source - He has had some work and health issues which left him without a job for a while
- Being out of work has put him in a tenuous financial position
- He lives in a neighborhood that scares the crap out of me
- He does not have a car (currently)
- He's very intelligent
- He's also very sweet, and respectful
- His sense of humor is right in line with my own
- He believes some of his troubles (part time work, no car) are temporary
- He is a night owl who works weekends, making our schedules nearly opposite
- He sees himself as a "forever bachelor" - so even if we formed a relationship, it seems it already has an expiration date
But the more I think about it - the more I think (and hope) she might be on to something.
His "bachelor" status is, in large part, tied to his lifestyle. Being single suits him; and he suits the single life.
So maybe it isn't about me being a snob, or getting too caught up in the future. Maybe it isn't about me not wanting to try, or make an effort, or seeing things in black & white.
Maybe it is about me finally recognizing that I am in control. Maybe I'm finally learning that it is OK to keep searching for the right person who fits into my life, instead of trying to fit myself for the the wrong people.
Maybe it's about acknowledging, and appreciating, that everyone will have some good qualities. Maybe it's about learning what qualities are actually important to me.
Or maybe I am just a snob.
Either way - at least I know I'm in control.
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