Good in bed

Here's a little something new....

A little while back, I was approached by Eric Leech, a Featured Writer at datingwebsites.org, a site that offers information, advice and reviews of online dating sites. He asked about doing a guest post for Girl's Got Shine. 

Thinking it sounded like fun, and something a little different, I accepted his generous offer. After all - GGS is pretty skewed towards a woman's perspective. So, Eric is here today to tell us how a guy can tell if a woman will be good in bed. 

Ladies....get out your notebooks. 

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Girls, you know you've thought about it before. You've stared at the size of a man's hands during a first date. You've watched a guy throw down his groove on the dance floor, and wondered about his groove between the sheets. You've stared at cute guys on dating websites, imagining how cute they'd be in their birthday suit, and you may have even ogled a guy in aisle seven at the grocery store, wondering if he'd be as good at handling the canned peas, as handling your own... well, you get my point. It should come as no surprise that guys size women up in much the same way. Let's look at the top five things a guy looks for, to know if a woman will be a worthy adversary while engaging in the horizontal mambo.

1. Her Kiss- Good kissing is just as important to men as it is for you ladies. The biggest difference here is that we are looking forward to seeing exactly how adventurous the girl will get. If she uses only a tiny bit of her tongue and wraps the session up quickly, he'll assume the worst. However, if she is slobbery, sensual, ever-lasting, and vacuum intense, he'll remember to bring the rubber sheets, salad tongs, and value-sized canister of Crisco oil to the next date (well, not really, but he'll be pretty excited).

2. The Hips- Men love to watch a woman's hips sway back and forth as she walks. Studies on attraction suggest that men prefer women who overly accentuates their hips as they walk. In fact, even without seeing her figure, face, or style of clothing, a man will become interested, just by noticing her motion out of the corner of his eye. The way a woman uses her hips, says how much control she has over her lower extremities. If she can shake it in the vertical, he knows she can shake it in the horizontal, too.

3. Physical Touch-  A guy can tell a lot from a first date, just by how she touches him. A woman who is comfortable with touching him in public, will probably be even more comfortable once they get behind closed doors. A gentle caressing kitten in the restaurant, could be a ferocious man eating tiger in the bedroom. However, a clammy oyster on the dance floor, will probably be just as dank and cold on the sofa afterward (that's his theory, anyway).

4. Vocal Expression-  Remember the scene in When Harry Met Sally, when Meg Ryan faked an orgasm in the middle of the restaurant with Billy Crystal? I'm not here to discuss the fact of whether or not a guy can tell the difference between a real orgasm or not. What matters most, is Ryan would have been the sexiest woman in the restaurant to any man. Studies suggest men are drawn to sensual sounds of a woman's voice when she laughs, hums, or sighs. Brief vocal encounters give a man a hint of what a woman might sound like in bed. A woman can increase the likelihood of a man's enjoyment in sex, simply by her vocal enthusiasm. Lots of intense screams, means he'll finish like a minute-man. Quietly counting sprinkles on the ceiling, means he'll be shopping for Viagra by the next morning. There is nothing like a woman who knows how to ‘get into’ whatever it is she’s doing.

5. Sexy Talk- Contrary to popular belief, men do not want sex to be the only conversation at hand, but we do like a little prelude on the subject. Talking about it, lets him know she might be up for it if the occasion calls. Men like women who might be a little too shy and coy to bring up the topic. However, when push comes to shove, she can dish out the details with the same enthusiasm and color of a drunk, virgin sailor.

So - that's a guy's perspective. Comments? Ladies - how can you tell if a guy will be good in bed? 

Best of the Worst: Cougar on the prowl

They say that if you're on a dating website, you should look at other women's profiles, to scope out the competition. I've never done that, because I never really saw much point. My goal is never to appeal to the lowest common denominator - I always put my best foot forward. Guess I assumed the right guy would see that, past all the other profiles. *shrugs*

But like I mentioned, I figured it might be fun to look at what women do in their profiles - as long as I was poking fun at the guys' sites. So....

I found a profile of a woman about my age. First, I have to say, she chose the wrong photo as her main profile photo. It's grainy, was obviously taken with a cell phone camera - and is a mirror-shot with an ugly tile background and a soap dispenser - suggesting it was a public bathroom. It's not even the most flattering of her pictures, yet it's the first thing she's showing the men who visit her profile.

She also has a high school photo of herself uploaded. No, I'm not kidding. Like I said, she's about my age - at that time, everyone wore those horrible, off-the-shoulder, faux-gown tops for their senior portrait. (SN: Everyone except me.) Why, in the name of all that is good in the world, would you share that on a dating profile?

What makes all of this even worse? For her profession, she lists photographer and says she owns a studio. Seriously - and your profile picture was taken with your cell phone in a public bathroom?

Listen - I'm no beauty queen. I hate photos of myself, and I there are few things I like less than searching for a picture I can live with enough to post it to a profile. Believe me. Thing is, joking aside - in this context, your profile pictures are your first impression. It's really important they be attractive, show off your best features, and show that you at least cared enough to take the time. Not to mention - guys are visual. Like it or not, looks are what they care about most, and notice first.

At least give them something good to go on.

SN: Cougar was her word, not mine. I'd never refer to a woman like that unless I know it's what she considers herself.

Check, please

It seems like everyone's been sharing their two cents lately about who should pay for dates. I figured I should get in on the action. I may even share a whole nickel worth.

I'm into romance and feeling special and old-fashioned chivalry as much as the next independent, self-sufficient, pseudo-modern woman. So I like when a guy pays for me; it makes me feel special, and like he really does like me. On a first date, I feel like it's his way of saying he wants there to be a second date. Which is kind of what I think Cali Bradshaw was trying to say here - that women, no matter what you've heard, do like to be pampered.

I really don't think that should come as news to anyone.

Thing is...I don't like the old-fashioned feeling that a lady owes a guy something because he paid. I sure as hell don't want to owe anyone anything! So, I'll admit that if I don't want a second date - I am inclined to offer to pay on the first. Or at least split the check. I think on some level, I feel that by letting him pay, I'm saying I do owe him something - another date. Plus, I'll admit - I feel bad making a guy pay, knowing it's not going anywhere.

Turns out - I might not be alone in that thinking. I came across this article via the magic of twitter just a day after reading Cali's post. Interesting.

So, what are my guidelines? Truth be told...

• If he requested the date, I expect he'll pay.
• If I requested the date, I expect to pay.
• If he wants a second date, I do expect he'll offer, because most guys do. That's not a deal-breaker.
• If I expect he's going to pay, I try to not to order something too crazy (price-wise). 
• I always make sure I'm in a position to pay the bill. 
• I always offer to pay (unless he beats me to it, and doing so is awkward) - and I'm always sincere. 
• I don't like splitting the bill; that makes it feel too much like a business transaction. 

What do you think? Who should pay, and when?

Is that today?

I have a date tonight - with a wonderful friend. I'm pretty sure I'll have a better V-Day than I would have if I was still with Mr. 28 YO, and I'm excited.

My V-Day gift will be from me - dinner, probably shoes and maybe an outfit for the Bachelor Auction. I know exactly what that gift says - "Boys have cooties (but some might be worth the trouble)."

But, if you're one of the few (okay, so I'm a bit jealous) who will get a gift from your sweetie today - here's a guide to help you decipher what exactly his gift is saying to you.

My kind of Valentines Miracle....

A Break from the Breakup

So, you've probably guessed that I created this blog primarily to get over a break up. Because - well, because break ups suck. 

From time to time, though, I'm going to take a break from the breakup. Partly because I don't want to bore you, dear reader. Partly because it's not all about me. Mostly because life is full of other stuff and who wants to be so wrapped up in heartache that we miss anything? 

Based on my name, most of my followers are girls gals strong women. But I picked up a guy follower the other day (go me!). So, in your honor, @Chasetophers, I'm posing the following question, and am hoping for a guy's perspective (as well as the gal's; sorry, but no - I'm not asking about BBQ):

How do you define a lie? 

Is it just what a person says? Or is it also how she behaves? If someone acts like they're your friend, then talks behind your back - is their friendship a lie? Or is that just human nature? 

What about in relationships? If a person (guy or girl) pushes a relationship, acts affectionate and caring - and then turns around and changes their mind - was that a lie? Would your answer change if you knew the person admitted that he/she was "forcing" their feelings? 

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, both in the context of my own life and the lives of several of my friends. I'm basically upfront with others; I say what I mean and I mean what I say. No one ever has to guess where they stand with me. 

But not everyone is like that. Some people are just more guarded and careful. So is that just part of your personality? Or is putting on a pretense the same thing as lying? What if it misleads another person into saying or doing things she might not have otherwise?  

Is it wrong to form expectations based on the way someone acts? Is it only a lie if they actually say something - regardless of what they do?  

What do you think?