Ten dating lessons I learned in 2013

In a lot of ways, 2013 sucked, at least when it came to dating. When I looked back over the guys that shaped the last 12 months, I thought, "Good grief." Then I decided to focus on things besides dating that shaped 2013. Much better.

But of course, this is a dating blog. You're not here to read about the raise I got at work, or the new direct sales adventure I started.

So rather than recap the guys, I decided to recap the lessons. Much less depressing.

♡ I want ridiculous love. By that, I mean I don't just want ordinary, "this will do" kind of love. I want a "knock my socks off" kind of love.

♡ I am a little afraid of commitment. Not because I don't want a relationship - because I don't want the wrong relationship. I believe that fear helps me move more slowly, and will ultimately help me recognize the right guy when he comes along.

♡ Some people will disappear from your life as quickly as they appeared. Sometimes they won't say goodbye. It doesn't make them a jerk. In fact, these people deserve forgiveness, not anger.

♡ I'm simply not meant to understand everything.

♡ It takes a lot of time and communication to really "get" a person. Knowing he wants a relationship or hates drama is only half the story. You still need to understand what those things mean to him. If you both define "relationship" differently, it won't matter how much you like one another.

♡ It's OK for me to define what I want, and not accept being treated poorly. It's not too much to expect common courtesy. I deserve to be treated well, and there's no reason to make room in my life for those who don't agree.

♡ Though I sometimes get a little lonely and a little sad, I know I'm better off on my own than I would ever be settling.

♡ I can date casually, but only for so long. I want long-term potential. To say otherwise is simply a waste of everyone's time.

♡ Boundaries are very important, especially when it comes to friendships with exes.

♡ I'm a pretty strong person. Someday, someone is going to be lucky he found me.

Someone for everyone

Baking Suit sent me this photo. I think she found it on facebook. 

Two days later, a single friend texted that she'd seen the photo. It bummed her out, which I believe was the creator's intent.

I'm not even going to get into how mean and harsh this is. I've seen the woman all dressed up, and I've seen her in her more...natural state. Is she attractive? I don't particularly think so, and I'm sure there are plenty who agree.

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm "curvy" - a quality many men don't find attractive. Yet, I meet plenty of men who actually prefer my body-type to the thin look. Does that make me more attractive than my skinny peers? No. It means different guys find different women attractive.

Which is sort of the premise of life, if you really stop and think. I mean, we can't all like the same people, the same careers, the same homes, the same religion, the same lifestyles... This is life, not Stepford.

What's important to remember is that the guy who loves "Honey Boo Boo's Mom" (Mrs. Honey Boo Boo?) sees something in her the rest of us do not, which is a lovely thing.

It's also important to remember that just because she has a boyfriend, doesn't mean he's the boyfriend you want. There's really no point in making the comparison.

A photo like this really plays into a woman's tendency to base her self-worth on whether or not there is currently a man who finds her attractive. Personally, I think that's what needs to change. You can't always please a guy - so stop trying, and just concentrate on pleasing yourself.

"You're damned if you're too thin and you're damned if you're too heavy. According to the press I've been both. Its impossible to satisfy everyone and I suggest we stop trying." ~ Jennifer Aniston*

*(Yes I realize the point of the picture is about more than just weight...but the whole comparison reminded me of the JA quote, which I've always loved.)