Time out

Did you ever date someone who was stubborn and opinionated and who wouldn't back down or admit he was wrong for anything - even if he was?

I have. I'm also quite sure that anyone who has ever dated me would say this sometimes describes me. While I'll admit to my share of stubborn moments, even I can't compete with this...

Found it here

Following a disagreement, a guy told his girlfriend that he would not be speaking to her over the weekend. He would not text or call her, and she should not reach out to him because he would not answer or return her phone calls or reply to her texts. They had no plans to see each other becasue theirs is a long-distance relationship, and travel was not in the cards that weekend.

I suspect he thought this would "put her in her place." I know he told her this was her "punishment." I imagine he envisioned her having a very lame weekend, waiting and hoping to hear from him, and was probably pretty proud of himself that he didn't reach out to her. He probably expected she would sit at home, maybe spend some time with family, at first stewing, then eventually coming to the conclusion that she was, naturally, wrong.

Basically, he put her in time out.

I wonder, though, how he'd feel if he knew that same woman spent her weekend talking with a new guy she met online. One who was successful and good-looking and fun. One who she spent all of Saturday night with and most of Sunday afternoon? One who took her to see one of her favorite bands, and spent the weekend just generally having fun and relaxing?

Time out indeed.

Asked and answered

I've been thinking a lot about how to improve my communication skills...so that seems to be a running theme over here this week.

Several people leaped to a conclusion about how this date ended, based on the fact that I drove all that way to meet a guy who was staying in a hotel. Seems it never occurred to them that a lot of questions had been answered prior to me agreeing to that date.

Like I said - I'm not an expert at this kind of communication. But I am improving.

• Yes, it was our first date - but we'd been talking and texting for nearly three weeks prior to meeting.
• Those three weeks included two full days of a little question and answer session via text; when I say a full day, I mean about a 10 hour train ride. You'd be surprised what you can learn if you talk for 20 solid hours.
• We specifically talked more than once about whether we were both looking for a hook-up, or something with long-term potential; our answer was the same.
• There were no expectations when I met him, even though he was staying in a hotel that night. The man lives out of hotel rooms. No matter where/when I met him, that was going to be the case.

Yes, I realize the whole, "I'm looking for someone to date," could have just been a line to convince me to meet. That's true any time any guy says any thing. If I travel through life assuming that every good thing a guy says to me is just a line, I'm going to miss when someone finally tells me the truth. I'm not willing to take that chance.

Truthfully, it does not make sense to me that this guy would work so hard to get to know someone he saw as nothing more than a (potential) hook-up. Seems to me if that's all he wanted, it would be easier to find someone closer, or just go to a bar and pick up some random person. If he's working that hard for a (potential) hook-up, he should consult his Being a Player for Dummies handbook, because he's doing it wrong.

Yes, I realize it shouldn't be necessary to have the "Where is this going?" conversation after just one date. That makes it seem like there was no discussion before hand. Thing is, the guy has a tough schedule. It was even tougher the week following our date, because he had plans to travel - like, far. I asked if he wanted to see me again. That was all that seemed reasonable after a first date. It's all I want to commit to after a first date. He said yes, he does want to see me again, but he was not in a position to say when that might happen.

It may sound stupid, but not getting that next date on the calendar makes me anxious. All I can do is sit, and wait, and live my life, and see what happens. I can't know what's next until it happens. I suck at that.

I may be bad at communication - but there's one thing I do know: It is really annoying to be asked the same question over and over.

• He said he's looking for something with long-term potential. (He actually answered this question more than once.)
• He said he wanted to meet me; and we did.
• It went well.
• He said he wanted to see me again.

The questions are asked and answered. I may not like exactly where things sit right now, but he's not really to blame for my hang-ups. He has never not answered a question I've asked, and so far, he's been on my page.

Regardless if that changes, what his true intentions turn out to be, or where anything goes - this uncertainty is a part of dating. If I can't handle it - I shouldn't be dating in the first place.

Long distance sex

Long distance relationships have their ups and downs, and their own unique challenges. The one no one really focuses on (out loud) is the fact that sex isn't as big a part of a long distance relationship. (At least not sex that you're having with that person; but that's a different post.)

Thanks to a very horny love struck inventor who was in a long distance relationship for a while, there is an answer (pending) for that problem.

The smartphone sex toy includes a "female end" and a "male end" that enable both partners to simulate whatever sort of sex tickles their keypad. It's enabled with bluetooth technology, wirelessly connecting it to your phone, where it also downloads a video chat service so that you can see, hear, and "feel" your partner across the miles.

Thanks to the Inquisitr for posting this, and to Baking Suit for forwarding the most wonderfully random stories from her reader.

Going the distance

Ever see that movie? I just love Justin Long, and I have a girl-crush on Drew Barrymore.

Anyway....

The couple in that movie have a very long distance romance - he's in New York, she's in San Franciso. I remember thinking when I watched the movie that there is no way I could ever do a long distance relationship.

Fast forward almost two years, my feelings on relationships have changed a bit. I'm no longer opposed to the LDR. In fact, I have two friends who have both had a fair amount of success with relationships that involved a distance of about 150 miles. I can see the advantage, especially after spending time on my own. I like my space; an LDR lets me keep it to myself.

So I wasn't opposed to chatting with Sparrow when he contacted me through Plenty of Fish. Cute, the right age, and no misspelled words or grammatical errors in his profile.

It was one of the best conversations I've ever had with a person right off the bat. Tons of chemistry, a lot in common, and he got my humor, even through email and text messages. Of course, he lives about 100 miles south.

We seized the opportunity of a mid-week holiday, and met about half-way for fireworks and hot dogs on the Fourth of July. I tweeted I had a date that might be worthy of a new outfit - and he was! We had a fabulous first date that lasted about 10 hours - and ended with a bang.

Great, right? But here's the thing...

I'm starting to see what some people don't like about the distance. Sure, it's nice to have your own space. But what about when you don't want that distance? I love a little spontaneity; a quick text to see if you want to meet for ice cream, or a movie, or check out a free concert. There's none of that when your date is 100 miles away.

Don't get me wrong - I love the big dates. I love planing my outfit, getting excited, and anticipating the fun we'll have together. But when everything is an activity, you do lose a little bit. Everything is fun, days are jam-packed with stuff to do; you don't really have a chance to just sit around after work and watch the news. Or see what the person is like when you're running mundane errands.

I suppose it might make a difference if we'd established a relationship first - and then it became long distance. But that's not my situation; and he seems to great to just walk away.

So, do I try to make this work? Work through the questions and uncertainty? Try to figure out this whole new set of rules.

Sounds like the plan - at least for now.