Monday, September 30, 2013

A little sting

In another attempt to change things, I have come face to face with a tough truth:
None of the guys in my area seem to be a good match for me.
Plenty of Fish seems to agree, and routinely suggests matches that 100+ miles away. Which is how I met a very nice man (I think we'll call him Jamaica).

Jamaica and I actually have a lot in common. From our career path (we at one time even worked for the same company), to hobbies, to lifestyle and political opinions, we are very in-sync. I have no doubt that if we could have just gone on a date, it would have been lovely. But, 150ish miles is a lot to ask, so we settled on several phone dates, all of which went very well and lasted several hours.

Still, when I suggested we meet, he blew me off. I mean - vanished. Thin air. Poof!

Which I suppose, given my recent history, should not surprise me. But it did. This was one guy who I thought might be different. At the very least, I thought if he wasn't interested, he'd be honest. Getting blown off when I've come to expect it is tough enough. But by the one guy I never thought would do it?

That one stung.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Square peg

Continued from here...

I don't actually remember what the breaking point was. Something happened that made me feel I needed to clear the decks, so to speak, and say goodbye to the guys who were hanging on but not really going anywhere.

Once that was taken care of, I really thought it was time to take a break. I hid all my profiles, and decided I'd just sit tight until things calmed down in other areas of my life.

Then out of nowhere, guys I had dated previously started coming back. Asking me how I was doing, what was new, what had happened, could they see me, etc. Proving once again that even when I'm actually trying to do the right thing, this nonsense just happens on its own schedule.


I'd already been thinking about this one guy, wondering whether I might have leaped to a conclusion too quickly. On the one hand, he had been quick to say I was "crazy" (to paraphrase) and was not willing to meet me halfway when it came to a disagreement. On the other hand - I guess that is a pretty reasonable reaction, considering he probably felt he was being unfairly labeled a liar.

So when he reached out to me, I thought it seemed fair to give him the benefit of the doubt and at least talk to him. So I did.

Our previous dates consisted of us just hanging out at his place. When we stopped seeing each other the first time, it was because I attempted a conversation that would bring us out of that phase. Huge mistake on my part, as eloquently explained in this post from The Awl (thanks Baking Suit).

Looking back, I realize that it wasn't reasonable of me to expect more from the relationship, when I had already settled for less. Something about a cow and free milk comes to mind, but I refuse to repeat any saying in which a woman is compared to livestock. You get the idea.

So, I made a decision that if we were to start seeing each other again, it would need to be different. The first night we spoke was just via text. The second night, he called - at 11 pm on a Friday. I was awake - but when he asked if he could see me, I told him no way. We had a halfway decent conversation, and I restated that I'd like to be his date - not anything less.

Saturday around 8 or so, he texted to say he wanted to see me. I told him we could have gotten together, but that I figured he'd ask to make plans when he had time. I reminded him that I preferred to go out as opposed to just "hanging out" at his place or mine. He said, "Fine."

(Which, by the way, I pictured him saying as he stomped his feet, pouted, and folded his arms, much like my little cousin would if he was refused candy. Not really that attractive.)

Sunday, I texted him later in the evening to see how his day was....and got no response. I eventually decided to email him and ask if that meant he preferred not to speak to me anymore. Said I would respect his wishes either way, just preferred to ask and know rather than just guess (like I had the last time).

He did reach out to me via text, the next day. Then there was a missed phone call... At this point, we still haven't connected, and I have no idea what's going on, what he's thinking, or really what it is we're doing, other than talking.

Part of me thinks he really is just like the guy described in the Dear Polly post. Not really into me for a relationship, and just looking for a round hole to "slide his piece-of-shit square peg into." I suppose time will tell.

What I do know is, it feels a lot better to be 100% honest - even too honest, if that's possible - and demand the sort of treatment I know I want and I know I deserve (while giving that same treatment, obviously).

Whether he sticks around or not, I'd call this a lesson worth learning.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

I'm a mess

I make a lot of dating mistakes. A lot. I try very hard not to make mistakes that will hurt other people, and I always protect myself physically. Of course, it'd be nice to protect myself emotionally, but when dating is involved, that's sometimes difficult.

After the whole Trooper thing ended, I did try to get back into a relationship (Remember Sparrow?). I failed miserably. The relationship had its problems, and probably would have ended anyway - but the truth is, I just wasn't ready.

I've spent the last year or so sort of blindly dating. At first I had no idea what I wanted. Now, I think I've figured that out - but I'm still wondering if it's something I want right now, or something I vaguely see as part of my distant future.

Of course, that's really another post altogether. In the meantime...

I've been spending a lot of time thinking, talking to myself, searching for answers. I've used friends as soundboards, written blogs, and even had several heart-to-hearts with my cat.

All of us (cat included) have come to the same conclusion: I'm a mess.

Found here
Not quite a hot mess, mind you. I haven't passed the point of no return on any slut-o-meters (I don't think). I haven't gone full-blown Samantha from Sex and the City, and I can name all of the guys I've met. But I've definitely been on more dates than one might think reasonable, talked with more men than I can keep track of, and all with very little to show (except for this blog).

My problem, as I see it, is I wasn't willing to commit to what I wanted. I convinced myself that casually dating was OK, because I like being single and having my independence. That was pretty easy to believe, since it also happens to be true.

The problem with the casual date (and by date, I sometimes mean sex, sometimes I really do just mean date) is at the end of the day, that's not how I'm wired.

I eventually want a relationship. When I spend a lot of time with someone, I get invested. I start to feel more connected. If I let that happen, all the while knowing it can't ever be more, then I'm setting myself up to get hurt. Which is just silly, and really a big waste of everybody's time.

Respect and courtesy are also a big deal to me. Whether a guy has long-term potential, is just fun to hang out with, or he's the worst date ever, I will always do my best to treat him well. But a lot of guys use the "casual" thing as an excuse to treat a woman poorly. That will bother me. It's going to make me feel unsatisfied and unhappy and a little empty. Most importantly, it's going to make me feel bad about myself and challenge my carefully-protected self-esteem - which eventually turns me into a mess.

I recently came to the conclusion that something needs to change. I realized, after a lot of thinking and advice, that change needs to be what type of dating behavior I'll accept, and engage in. I'm hoping this moves me from the mess category into the satisfied category.

Even though it may mean a short stop in the lonely category, too.

To be continued...

Monday, September 23, 2013

Define drama

"I don't do drama." 

I come across this on so many online dating profiles. I see it worded many different ways, but I'd say about 95% of the profiles I read mention a preference to avoid "drama." 

I've even focused on it myself - if I message a guy who says he hates drama, I key in on that and tell him I feel the same. Which is actually true...I hate drama. (Unless it's other people's drama...I'll totally laugh at other people and their drama.)

So the other day, when I was once again locked in an internal (and by internal, I mean talking to my cat in the kitchen) conversation about why everyone other than me has someone special, somehow, I came back to this whole "drama" question. For the first time, I wondered: 
Is the problem that we all define drama differently? 
I'm not sure why I asked this question. (The cat wasn't either; he was mostly concerned with how quickly I wasn't filling his food dish.) It just suddenly occurred to me that when a guy says he doesn't want drama, what he may mean is that he doesn't want to deal with stuff like communication, sharing, know, a relationship.

Which would mean that, to these guys, a woman like myself (who tries to talk and learn and share) must seem like the biggest drama queen they've ever met. They probably even think I'm a little crazy, what with my wanting to touch base and see how their day (or even week) went.

But maybe I should have been asking this question all along. I mean - literally asking. Maybe I need to be asking these guys what they mean when they say they want to avoid drama. Maybe instead of just assuming we agree on how to avoid drama, I need to find out what exactly it is that he's trying to avoid.

Would I get an honest answer? I'm not sure. I guess that depends on the guy. But I think the question is worth exploring. If nothing else, it'll be a more interesting conversation starter than, "So who's your football team?"

Oh, and for those wondering, yes I did eventually get the cat fed. 

Friday, September 20, 2013


In honor of Unmarried Single Americans Week.
Because every person deserves to know she's awesome. Even if she has to remind herself.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Top ten reasons I like being single

If you're single, and don't really want to be, there's plenty about the single life that can suck. It's easy to focus on those qualities and forget all the things that make single life absolutely fabulous.

So, as a reminder for myself, and my fellow singles (inspired by this post I found while looking for some pictures)...

10 - I don't have to share my closets or my remote control.

9 - I can cuddle with my cat at night without anyone complaining.

8 - I come and go as I please without consulting anyone.

7 - Coming and going applies to events too - I arrive when I want and leave when I'm ready.

6 - The only messes I pick up (or not) are my own.

5 - I never have to miss out on anything because it's football season.

4 - I have had plenty of bad dates, and made plenty of mistakes...which mean I have great stories.

3 - I have become very aware of who I am, what I want, and what I deserve.

2 - I know I don't have to settle.

1 - I know exactly who my best friends are, who I can count on, who will always have my back - and who won't.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

What not to say to a single friend

Advice from friends is great, and always welcome. I've learned that even advice not taken can be helpful. I mean, even bad advice can help you find perspective.

But unsolicited advice is tough sometimes. Big used to say "unsolicited advice is criticism," which I always found to be wise. If a friend hasn't asked for advice, chances are, she either doesn't know there's an issue, or she already has a solution. Either way, pointing it out might feel like criticism.

Singles get advice all the time - most often from people in relationships. Sometimes it's helpful; other
Found it here
times, it's just frustrating. I like to think I have a fairly good handle on being single. I certainly have plenty of experience; I have also put a lot of effort into turning negatives into positives.

Still, now and then I get a little sad. I might feel rejected, or doubtful, or lonely, or even angry. The thing is, I know that's temporary, and I know ways to overcome. I think I'm still entitled to my feelings.

So sometimes, advice frustrates me. I feel like - wait, I'm pretty good at this whole single thing. Being single shouldn't automatically make me wrong. So why do you assume I need advice?

There are a few things I'm very tired of hearing. Inspired from this Buzzfeed list, my favorites are...

Trust God's Plan

I actually find this to be a helpful reminder. That's because I believe in God's plan for my life, and trust that if I listen to Him, things will turn out the way they're meant to.

The reason I'm not a fan of this advice is because if a single person doesn't believe in God, the advice could be a little discouraging. Who wants to think their happiness depends on a deity they either don't believe in, or don't have a relationship with?

If everyone felt this way, Christian Mingle would be the only dating site, and Stir Events would be at church. If you know this reminder will be helpful to a single friend, by all means, share. If you're not sure, keep your mouth shut and offer ice cream instead.

Maybe it's time to work on yourself

Unless you're new around here, you know I'm in favor in taking a break from dating. If you're single and dating long enough, it can start to feel like a job. Like any other work, you can get burned out. A break is good. However....

Growth and self-improvement should be a life-long pursuit. Something that should continue even in a committed relationship. Married people don't file for separation every time they start a new why should a single person have to be alone to learn or grow?

If you want to give this advice, tread carefully. It could come across as a suggestion that there is something specific wrong with your friend - that is keeping her from finding love - that she needs to improve. She might start to think that every bad date, every guy who treated her poorly was her fault - even if she knows she can't be more than 50% responsible for any issue.

Plenty of people find happiness without love

If there was ever a hot mess of relationship advice, here it is.

First - it sounds like giving up. Like you're suggesting that your single friend raise the white flag, adopt 100 cats, and become a hermit.

Second - it's a little unfair. Sure, people can choose to be single, and be very happy. But I guarantee your single friend is thinking, "Why don't I get to choose? What's wrong with me that I don't deserve a happily ever after?" You've just reminded your friend of every, single thing she dislikes about herself.

Of course we know that wasn't your intention. You're trying to be encouraging, and remind her there are other ways to find happiness. That's fine - but you might want to frame it as temporary, unless you want to find your friend on an episode of Hoarders.

Here's the thing.... Whether your friend is newly single (as in just through a breakup) or has been single a while but feeling down, she's in a sensitive place. Your advice, while very good and well-intended, might come across as critical. Be prepared that your friend, in her very vulnerable state, might see it that way.

The good news is, your friend probably knows this stuff already. She'll snap out of it, and come around on her own.

The truth is, if she hasn't learned the lesson yet, she probably won't take your advice, anyway. Some lessons we just have to learn for ourselves.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

On a break

I prefer not to whine about my real life too much, and certainly never here (I have a whole other blog for that kind of whining). But, occasionally real life spills over into dating life... and that's happening right now.

I'm super-stressed over some things happening at work (the paycheck that actually pays my bills). I'm also super-stressed about a fundraising event I'm working on.

Do I have time to date? Sure I do. I'm not any busier than anyone else, and I can shuffle priorities with the best of 'em. My problem is not time management.

My problem is that when I'm stressed, I get depressed. When I get depressed, I shut down. That means that dating (you know - looking cute, being charming, actually talking to another human) is, like, work right now.

My other problem is that when I get depressed, I tend to view everything as a major pain in the neck, and I'm way too sensitive and unforgiving (Side Note: I've also been called to jury duty later this month. Those poor criminals don't stand a chance.). That's not a good place to be mentally when meeting new people and trying to determine if they're worth a little effort and/or compromise. In my current state of mind, I don't want to do either. For anyone. Ever. 

Add to all of this the fact that the dating pool is in some serious need of chlorine at the moment. The last few dates I've been on were complete jerks who eventually just blew me off with no explanation. The last few guys I just talked with turned out to be not at all what they portrayed. The last few men I tried dating seriously just didn't work out.

Basically, I'm just bad company right now. So, it might be time to regroup, hide the profiles, and come back swinging in October. Hopefully by then the work situation will be under control, jury duty will be done, and I will be through my fundraising event.

Life won't ever be boring or quiet for me (which is cool), and dating might never be completely easy. But it can be better. Like I said - it's all about priorities. Right now, I'm thinking dating shouldn't be one of mine.

So, maybe in celebration of, or inspired by, Unmarried and Single Americans Week - me and dating are officially on a break. Which, I guess makes me uber-single.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Unmarried and Single Americans Week

National Singles Week was started in Ohio in the 1980s, by the Buckeye Singles Council. Used to recognize single Americans and their contributions, the week is now widely celebrated as Unmarried and Single Americans Week (September 15 - 21 in 2013). The "unmarried" reference is because many people, though not married, don't identify with the term "single" because they are divorced, widowed, have kids, etc.

The United States Census Bureau released statistics regarding Single Americans in July. The numbers come from a variety of credible sources (all of which are cited). For the government, I imagine the purpose of this number-crunching has a lot to do with politics and representation. After all, if I were running for office, I'd want to know how many of my possible votes I might alienate by talking up "traditional family values."

Their study shows that, among other things, there are 103 million adults (people over 18) in the US who are unmarried. 53.6% of those people are women (which just goes to show if you're a single woman, the odds are already not in your favor. Shocking.) Of those 103 million adults, 62% have never been married; 24% were divorced, 14% were widowed.

My purpose in talking about Unmarried Single Americans Week is to reassure myself (and perhaps others) that I am not, in fact, the last single (or unmarried) woman on the planet.

It just feels that way.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Heart bruises

The last of the "several guys" is a man I met a couple months ago. Technically, we went out a few times - then he went on a business trip and I didn't see him for six weeks. We kept in touch during that time, but obviously, it was just friendly and casual.

The thing about this guy, is it will always just be casual. Traveling for work is a way of life for him (he's gone six months or more out of the year). When he's not traveling for work, he travels to see friends. When he's not doing that, he's visiting his kids (who live about 2 hours away).

Not a lot of time to give a date, and not a lot of time to develop anything more than a casual relationship.
Found it here

I knew that going in, and like the other guy I talked about, I was fine. At first.

In the meantime, I met several other guys who were unwilling to give me any time or priority. I think that helped me realize how much I value when someone gives me his time, and makes me a priority.

This guy (we'll call him Waldo) isn't in a position to do any of that. All he can offer is down-time from work. On his schedule, and his terms.

So, I told him that doesn't work for me. He told me it's all he can offer, and he hopes things don't have to change. I told him they do because the current arrangement results in my feelings getting hurt, which can't continue.

And that was that.

It ended on friendly terms, and I'm sure we'll keep in touch, and maybe see each other again some time.

Though it was technically me who ended things, it still felt a little like rejection. I couldn't help the thought (fleeting, but still) that maybe he'd admit he has feelings for me too, and want to actually try.

Of course I knew better, and we hadn't known each other long enough or well enough for my heart to break.

Just a little bruised.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Fall into love

If you're on Facebook, you know this is the week kids everywhere returned to school. You know this, because your feed was undoubtedly flooded with pictures of kids you don't even know posing at bus stops everywhere.

(Side Note: I post none of these pictures. We should totally be connected on Facebook). 

(Second Side Note: Not for nothing, but if I had kids, I probably wouldn't post pictures of them on the internet, with their names, announcing where they go to school. But what do I know? I'm not a parent.)

When I was a kid, Fall was always a new beginning. A chance to finally be more organized; to study harder;
Found it here
to make more friends; to have the best outfits. I didn't always accomplish everything, but the point was, Fall was when my new year really started. That feeling has never really changed, and even as an adult, Fall is my favorite season. 

I think the theme of 'new month, new season, new beginning' translates into relationships, too. Seems that singles everywhere get a little anxious this time of year, reaching out to new people, and even trying to reconnect with ghosts from dates past. 

I shared this observation with Engineer. He thinks it's because people are faced with more time at home now that the weather is changing, and they don't want to spend that time alone. He also thinks people are thinking about securing a date for holiday parties, a New Year kiss, and the ever-important couples Halloween costume. 

While I myself am not especially concerned with finding a Beast to go along with my Belle, I see his point. There are certain times of the year when people don't want to be alone, and there are certain times of the year that inspire people to make changes, renew efforts, etc. 

I, personally, will probably stick with a wardrobe change - but, hey, you never know what might happen.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Men at work

Earlier this week, I pointed out how two guys have called me crazy, and I mentioned that they are both substance abuse counselors. Which got me thinking...are there professions that are tougher to date than others?

I haven't conducted a study, and I'm not a sociologist or a psychologist, so I can only answer the question based on my own personal experience and ... er ...research. Lucky for all of you, that research has been pretty extensive (let's keep that between us, K?)

Substance Abuse Counselors - See above. They seem to be convinced they know everything about interpreting your actions and words. They also seem to be pretty good at finding a way to blame the whole thing on you, anyway. Personally, I think this is because they are often former addicts, and that's what addicts do. Or maybe it's because they spend so much of their time counseling others in how to own their problems, and they forget they aren't counseling their date to do the same. Either way, in order to date this guy, you need to be ready to take on a whole lot of blame.

Law Enforcement - This includes police (state, county, municipal), other law enforcement agencies, and corrections officers. These guys are historically bad at commitment, and are known for being "dogs." Personally, I think it's because they have to separate themselves from their work, and maybe that disassociation spills over into their personal life. Or maybe it's just because one needs a specific mind-set to do any of these jobs, and that personality trait makes for a bad date. Either way, if you're dating this guy, be prepared that he may not be in it for the long run. Also - his hours will probably suck.

Car Salesman - These guys come off shady, maybe because they make their living telling people what they want to hear in order to close a deal. That definitely spills over into their personal life. This guy will be able to read you like a book (better than any counselor ever could) and will be saying all the right things within minutes. If you're going to date this guy, be prepared that most of what he says is simply not true.

DJ, Musician, Artist, or other creative types - First of all, let's be practical - unless you're dating Josh Groban or Jay Z or James Patterson, this dude has no money. You will get stuck paying for a lot, and probably driving everywhere. It's one thing to always pay your own way - but to have to pay his, too? Just something to consider. Like law enforcement, these hours also suck. Even worse than the hours is the fact that creative types have no concept of time. They get wrapped up in their project, with no regard for you or your plans or your feelings. If you want to date this guy, be prepared to never be in his starting lineup.

Self-Employed - There are definite and obvious exceptions to this observation, but basically...this guy is two steps away from unemployed. Just keep that in mind, because really, if you wanted someone to take care of, you could go to the shelter and adopt a pet.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Call me crazy

Men throw around the word "crazy" to describe women all too often. I've said before, and I stand by my words, that if a man meets a lot of "crazy" women, it means either he himself is crazy (crazy attracts crazy), or he's the guy making them all crazy.

George Carlin once said,
"Here's all you need to know about men and women. Women are crazy, and men are stupid. The main reason women are crazy? Men are stupid." 
That goes back to the whole Mars and Venus thing, and how women don't understand men because men and women are so different. So a guy "being a guy" can drive a woman bonkers. Of course, the opposite is also true - a woman "being a woman" probably can drive a guy nuts.

So why don't women call men crazy? Because men don't react to a woman's "crazy" - they run away (that's stereotypical guy behavior - I realize it's not true of all men). When a guy is confusing or hurtful, women react; that reaction is what some guys refer to as "crazy."

And all women - every, single, one of us - has it inside of us to go "crazy." Our triggers are all a little different, and our level of crazy might change with experience or age - but it's there. Anyone who tries to tell you differently is either in denial, or trying to sell you something.

I know I have crazy in me. It came out during my divorce. Divorce is traumatic and awful and depressing and heartbreaking. I did and said a lot of stupid things. I'm just lucky that X forgave me. I'm also lucky that I didn't get arrested.

If I got that hurt now, would I react the same? I'm not sure. I'm older, a little wiser, definitely more mellow. I've been through heartbreak and didn't react poorly - but I haven't been in a fourteen year relationship that ended in such a dramatic way. So it's kind of hard to predict what I would do now, in that same situation.

I'd like to think I've matured past the crazy, but I am also sure I would have some reaction.

I've learned that, no matter what the woman's reaction, guys will often refer to her as crazy. As recently as last month, I had a conversation with a guy who said I was "buggin." I wasn't yelling, or swearing, or even raising my voice or being rude. I was expressing an opinion, and calling him out on some behavior I didn't like. In his mind, that was enough to make me crazy.

I am sure other men have done the same. Like the guy who wasn't interested, only to find out another woman had "mental issues" so he came back to me. I told him that I got the impression he wasn't interested in me, and he said I "thought it through too much." I'm sure he has thought to himself, "There goes another crazy one." I mean, if he could say the other woman is crazy, what would stop him from saying the same about me?

I guess the point is - we're all a little crazy. The trick is to find someone whose crazy compliments our own.

[Interesting side note: Both of those guys are former "bad boys" who are now substance abuse counselors. They say I'm crazy, but the dude I meet with once a month, who has an actual Ph.d assures me I am not.]

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Mars, Venus, and jerks

"Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" 

The "most well-known, long-lived, tried-and-tested relationship guide ever" was published in 1992. I was eighteen years old. Back then, I naturally knew everything, so I had no need for a relationship guide.

It didn't take long for me to figure out that men and women do not, in fact, view anything the same way. If I was at all fuzzy on that fact, it would become crystal clear three years later when I moved in with my fiancé. We lived together for three years and we were then married for ten.

Trust me - I know men and women are worlds apart. In fact, I'm not even convinced Mars and Venus are different enough, but the title's sold millions, so there you go.

I've not read the book...but it seems to be quite quotable. The idea makes sense, and actually, not too long ago, a friend sent me a great video of Mark Gungor talking about the same idea - how men and women have trouble communicating because they don't see things the same.

If you've visited this little corner of the interwebz recently, you know I've had my struggles with communication, and dealing with men who don't act the way I'd like, or expect, or prefer, or whatever. It's happened several times.

Let me be the first to say, some of this has to be on me. I'm too impatient, too greedy, too needy, too selfish, too immature, too unreasonable - too something - in each of these cases. I could have handled any of these situations differently, and still be talking to, dating, friends with, or even in a relationship with any of these guys.

That's called compromise. Relationships are work. I totally get that. But here's the thing...

Found it here
None of these were "relationships" and none of them should require "work." At this stage, stuff should just work naturally, on its own. I should be able to just be who I am (which can be selfish, but also quite charming if I do say so myself), and the same goes for him. If a relationship is going to last, there will be plenty of time for us both to have to compromise and work at it down the road. A real relationship gets tougher, not easier - so if it's starts out tough, where's it headed? I am, quite simply, not interested in finding out.

I also believe that, regardless of where the communication breakdown started, if it falls apart that easily on something as simple as calling when you say you will - we're probably not a good match. If the guy was into me - he'd call. If I was into him - I'd be more flexible. It's that simple.

Which brings me back to the Mars vs Venus thing. I completely understand that men and women don't communicate the same way. However, it's one thing to be a guy (wanting to fix everything, wanting to avoid relationship talk) and another to be a jerk (canceling plans, not making plans in the first place, not calling).

All men are not jerks - and all jerks are not men. I realize some of what these guys are doing can be explained away by "well, he is a guy" - but not all of it is excusable. A lot of it just boils down to common courtesy - which should have been covered by their mom, or their dad, or their Kindergarten teacher. I'm not dating teenagers; these are grown men - they are established, with kids of their own (sometimes grand-kids even).

They are supposed to know better. I'm not supposed to have to teach them or train them how to behave or how to treat me. They're supposed to come already wired on how to treat a woman. If they don't - I'm just not interested.

If it's lessons they're looking for, they should date elsewhere. Of course, they could also feel free to read this blog.