Trust life a little bit

"What will you do [about your blog] when you find someone?"

It seems like it was about 100 years ago when a friend asked me that question. (In reality, it was probably about 4 years ago.) At the time, I answered that if it ever happened, I would probably just change the tone of the blog to talk more about a single woman making the transition to life as part of a couple. I wasn't too worried, because I really never thought it would come up.

Well.... it's come up.

It happened pretty fast and I'll admit, I'm having a little trouble catching my breath. There's a few lingering doubts and worries, but with each day I find myself thinking about them less and less.

My biggest struggle has nothing to do with him, his baggage, my trust or commitment issues, etc. It has to do with me - wondering why am I OK with such a huge change, and why am I not more worried about losing the woman I've become? As I said to Baking Suit, "My lack of uneasiness is making me uneasy." Silly, right?

I told him that I trust and care for him enough to put my cynical, cold, hardened single-gal attitude in the backseat - and I do. But I'm used to that woman. I know her. I understand her. I trust her. She got through some awful stuff - I value her strength. I'd never want to lose her.

Not only that, but my friends know and trust her, too. Will people be happy for me if my life changes? Will they accept me? Will they accept him?! Will they respect me for finding and accepting happiness?

Baking Suit sent this link last week. It's right - I don't owe anyone my independence or my single lifestyle. If it no longer serves me, it's time to let it go.

My true friends will stand beside me.

Draft stage

No kidding, I have like six posts in draft stage right now. I hsd a clear idea of what I wanted to say, but I couldn't make sense of it in writing. I returned to one post after a few days only to realize I didn't even understand my point.

I have started seeing a guy I actually, you know, like. We're moving glacially slow at this point, so I have no idea where it might go. But I like him enough that I haven't even signed into a dating site in a couple of weeks. Those who know me well will agree - that is saying something.

In the meantime, I've been poking around dating blogs, looking for inspiration. Nothing. Which is surprising - there are some great blogs out there.

I think being in limbo in real life might cause a writing block for me, as well. It's almost like avoiding expectations or wondering in my life also suspends my ability to write about looking towards the future. Putting a hold on my feelings must mean I have to put a hold on the writing, too - at least for now.

So, while my life is in its own "draft stage," I'll keep taking notes. Things are bound to sort themselves out at some point, and then I'll hit publish.

In the meantime, feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

Inspiration

I have no inspiration right now. Well - I have a little, but no time to put it on the screen.

So here's a picture of Shemar Moore (thanks to Baking Suit).

If that's not inspiring, I don't know what is.

Alternate dating profile

I try to keep my dating profiles very positive and upbeat. First - I can't stand reading woe-is-me type profiles, so why would I write one? Second - a positive profile will (should - in theory) attract positive people.

So I avoid negative words and phrases. I talk about things I like, things I do, and what I want. I try to avoid saying I won't do something, or I talking about things I dislike, or any phrase that sounds like "don't message me if..."

Since I also try to put this same positive spin on life, it turns out this is a pretty fair representation of my personality. But every now and then, I don't feel positive. I'm human; I occasionally feel sad, or angry, or frustrated, or just plain tired and defeated.

I sometimes wish I could have a second profile, for those days. I imagine it would say something like this:

Found it here

In search of blog material

I have a job that I don't really like, but it pays my bills. Well - most of them. I like to shop, and I work several freelance jobs on the side to try and pay off the extra. As a result, I have little free time - and I write a dating blog.

I don't really like to go to the gym, but it helps offset my junk-food preference. No, I don't like to hike, bike, or kayak, so please don't ask. I'd rather be at the mall.

Please don't message me if you're clingy, needy, controlling, or just out of a relationship. Please don't ask me to share anything - closet space, a remote, too much of my time, or my feelings.

You most likely won't have all the qualities I want, but if you have just a couple, I might keep you around while still dating other guys. Even you do happen to have all the qualities that I want, I'll likely still get bored - or scared - and eventually find a reason to cut you loose.

Despite all that, I think I'm an OK catch. I can take care of myself, have plenty of friends, love my hobbies, and am generally happy being single. I'm reasonably cute, and I have nice style and great shoes. I'm also pretty funny.

As a matter of fact - you should consider yourself lucky just to be added to the rotation. If it doesn't work out, at least you'll make good blog material.

NaBloPoMo - A February project

Baking Suit turned me on to the NaBloPoMo February Writing Prompts over at BlogHer.

If you're not familiar, writing prompts are intended to give bloggers inspiration, and to encourage writing - something, anything - every day. While I'm not an everyday writer, I do like to schedule as much as I can to post everyday.

Coming off the heels of a very tough bad-for-me pseudo-relationship, and having just met an amazing man about whom I'm not quite ready to write (jury is still out on how amazing), writing prompts are perfect.

For the next 28 days, we'll discuss:

Friday, February 1, 2013
When was the last time you said, "I love you."?

Monday, February 4, 2013
Tell us about your first crush.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013
How old were you the first time you fell in love?

Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Do you remain friends with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends after you break up?

Thursday, February 7, 2013
Describe your ideal date night.

Friday, February 8, 2013
Name the most romantic movie of all time.

Monday, February 11, 2013
What is your ideal Valentine's Day celebration?

Tuesday, February 12, 2013
What is your favourite Valentine's Day candy?

Wednesday, February 13, 2013
If you could send out valentines this year as you did back in grade school, what type of valentine would you send out to your blogosphere class?

Thursday, February 14, 2013
How do you feel about Valentine's Day?

Friday, February 15, 2013
How did this Valentine's Day compare with Valentine's days of years past?

Monday, February 18, 2013
What is the most romantic book you've ever read?

Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Martin Luther King Jr. unpacked love and hate when he said, "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." Which is easier for you to feel: love or hate?

Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Erich Fromm said, "Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you'." How do you define mature love?

Thursday, February 21, 2013
Do you think people can live without love?

Friday, February 22, 2013
Aristotle said, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." Do you agree or disagree?

Monday, February 25, 2013
Do you think you would enjoy being a "sex symbol?"

Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Do you think sex education should come from the parents, the school, or a mix of both?

Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Mae West described sex as "emotion in motion." Unpack this idea in a post.

Thursday, February 28, 2013
When do you feel your sexiest?

I never blog about dates

In my online dating profiles, I disclose upfront that I am a blogger. I tell people about my personal blog, and about the blogs to which I contribute for news organizations. I do this because once someone has my full name, links to those blogs are only a quick google search away. Also - I'm proud of what I do, and don't wish to hide.

I don't tell people about this blog. In fact, the only guy I've ever told about this blog was Trooper - and that was only after we'd been together for a while, and I knew I needed to come clean before things got any more serious. I feel like there's a fine line between "I haven't said anything yet because it didn't matter" and "I'm flat-out keeping secrets."

I went on a first date with a guy not too long ago who knew I blogged, because he read it in my match.com profile. He asked what I blogged about - and I gave him my standard answer.

He thought for a beat, looked at me and asked, "I'm not going to end up in a blog, am I?"

I looked right at him and with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, replied, "In my personal blog?! Of course not. I'd never do that."

That's not a lie. I would never blog about him - on those blogs.

I'm going straight to hell, aren't I?