Tuesday, April 15, 2014
But there's one guy who has always kept coming back. At first it was annoying...then it became amusing.
The thing is, the last few months....I also keep going back. I have reached out to him more than once to reconnect, even if it's just to say hi and check in. We haven't seen each other since January-ish.
I have no illusions about who he is or what he wants. He can be a difficult guy, and he has not seemed open to the idea of any sort of committed, long-term relationship.
But no matter who else I meet, or how good (or bad) dating seems to be going - he's always on my mind. It's like all roads lead to this guy, and no matter how hard I try to get away, I end up right back where I started.
I like the idea that people can be meant for each other. I do believe everyone we meet serves a purpose in our life. But I don't believe a strong attraction or even a real connection is enough to sustain a lasting relationship.
Eventually, you have to work out the logistics. We don't like to talk about it, because it's not all romantic and draped in fantasy, but things like personality differences, religion, politics, geography can all impact relationships in a big way.
I've always figured me and this guy had great attraction and a great connection, but logistics would prevent us from having a successful relationship. Yet I can't get this person out of my brain.
Which is a logistic pretty tough to ignore.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Have you seen the Buzzfeed list of 29 Startlingly Honest Dating Confessions?
Confessions I find totally reasonable:
• I stopped dating someone because I didn't like his Netflx queue.
Confessions I find totally unsurprising:
• I'm dating someone for his money.
• I'm dating a man that's as old as my father.
• I run background checks on every guy before I start dating him.
Confessions I suspect will lead to big problems:
• I'm dating a dad, but have no interest in being involved with his kids...I just love him so much.
• We act like we're dating but he won't make it official. He just says "we will." I've fallen...I hope he's serious.
....and now, a few of my own personal, startlingly honest dating confessions...
• I have gone on dates solely for free meals, blog material, and/or sex.
• I have lied to end a bad date quickly.
• I have dated people longer than I wanted, just because I was bored.
• I would rather make a guy break up with me than have to do the breaking up. I'm always afraid I'll cave if he asks for another chance.
• I have dated guys who I honestly believed to be out of my league.
• I think I might have a fear of commitment.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
I can't emphasize enough how important it is for a guy to have a plan. There is no bigger turnoff to me than when a guy asks me out, and then says, "OK, what time and where do you want to meet?"
Planning a date is work. If I was looking for a project, I could have found one on my own.
So when I say I'll meet you for coffee, and ask you to let me know where, saying "Probably some Dunkin' Donuts somewhere," is not a plan.
Considering there are approximately 873,954 DDs in this area, what you've really come up with is a hassle. I do not need to meet men in order to find a hassle. I have family for that.
Honestly - if you're not even interested enough to actually choose a place, how badly do you really want to meet? It's OK if you're not that into me - just say so, and we can just move on.
I can get my own hot chocolate.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Sometimes when I look at who Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid want to match me with, I giggle. Mostly just so I don't cry.
I know they have to work with what they've got - but I wish I could just give them a hint.
We're probably not a match if...
• He's wearing camouflage in his profile photo.
• Or really, any photo.
• In fact, if he even owns any camouflage.
• If he has posted a photo of himself holding a fish.
• Or a dead deer he obviously just shot. Or really, any dead animal.
• Or a gun.
• If the name of the town in which he lives includes the word "Falls" or ends in "ville." There may be exceptions to this, but only a few.
• He can not properly spell the name of the town in which he lives.
• If he has posted a shirtless photo.
• Or a bathroom-mirror selfie. C'mon.
• He drinks more than socially.
• He doesn't actually know what socially means.
• He has problems with any other 3rd grade words.
• He owns a snowmobile. Or a kayak.
• He runs marathons and is looking for a partner to run with him.
• He thinks the man should be the head of the household.
• Or that cooking is a "woman's job."
Thursday, March 20, 2014
It should go without saying that it's not advisable to send strangers money. Unless, of course, you can afford to lose it and are planning to consider it a donation.
It seems one New York man did not get the memo, and sent nearly $70,000 - $70,000! - to a scammer in a series of transactions.
Apparently, "OKCupid's reputation made him feel safe, and he trusted the profile of a man he met in February 2013." (New York Daily News)
He is suing OKCupid for $70,000, for not warning users that scams like this could happen.
Like I said to Baking Suit (thanks for sending the link) - I suppose I'm lucky that I am too poor to be a desirable target for these scams.
As adults, it should go without saying that sending money to strangers is a mistake. Sadly, though, these scammers are good. So good, they know how to find people who not only have the money, but are also lonely and trusting enough to believe that "talking on the phone one month in" is a whirlwind romance.
Let's be clear: It is not.
But OKCupid doesn't entirely agree with me, on the "it should go without saying" part, anyway. If you visit the full site (not the mobile site or app) and navigate to the legal page (menu at the bottom of the screen) they do warn users to be careful about sharing personal information (example: sure, I have $70k), and that the site has not conducted background checks. Which, incidentally you should realize, since your background was not checked.
They do not specifically warn against this particular type of scam. I suspect we'll see an update to the warning, and probably a message to all users with that warning soon enough.
File this under the heading "expensive lesson learned."
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
I prefer dating older guys. I've tried dating younger, and it never works (Remember Gardner?!). Of course there's an exception to every rule. It obviously comes down to a man's personality and character, but in general...age definitely matters.
I like the fact that older men are usually pretty confident. They don't have the same hang-ups and insecurities I often see in younger guys. I also like that most older guys are more secure. I'm nearly 40 (sigh) so a lot of the guys I date are late forties or even fifty. These are generally not guys still moving from job to job, trying to decide what they want to do. Another big plus is that men this age are not looking to have kids, and if they have kids, they are almost always older.
Most men that age are settled - in their career, family, and home. They have a certain amount of security, which translates into confidence. They know what they want, and how to get it. They also are often very chivalrous, and treat me in a way I don't find with younger guys. Thirty-five year-olds don't know they should walk on the outside of the sidewalk.
I know most of my friends feel differently. They find older guys to be dull or too set in their ways. Some women I know just don't like the idea that they are "old enough" to date a guy of a certain age. It makes them feel older.
I'd be lying if I said there aren't some drawbacks to older men. They tend to think they know everything - and certainly more than me, given my age. They often have an old-fashioned view of relationships - men are the head of a household, women should do the cooking, etc. Younger guys are certainly less attached to traditional gender roles, and more open-minded and flexible.
Older men are sometimes so set in their ways that forming a solid relationship is tough, if not impossible. They've often been single for so long, being a part of a couple is totally foreign.
That's when it comes back to individual personality and character. What a person wants, how he treats me and others, his goals and beliefs and sense of humor are all more important than his age.
Maybe I need someone right in the middle?