I am not a Match

I joined Match.com right after Trooper broke up with me, as an experiment. I'd always read that the online dating experience was different on paid sites (versus free sites like Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid). Since I was newly single and looking to make a change, I figured it was the perfect time to test that theory.

Something you want to keep in mind when purchasing online-dating memberships - they will offer you several deals. Inevitably, the best one will be the one-year deal. It will have the lowest monthly rate. It will also be the biggest hit to your credit card, as the whole thing will be charged at once.

Something else to keep in mind - they renew automatically, at the same rate. So if you purchase a six-month membership for $20 a month, you're charged $120 at the time of purchase - and then they'll charge your card another $120 six months later to renew your membership.

If you decide to subscribe to a paid site, I suggest going with a one-year membership. If you're really not sure, purchase a one-month membership, but be very sure to cancel that subscription before it renews automatically at the inflated monthly rate.

Back to my Match.com experience....

I did not have a lot of luck on Match at all. In fact - I had decided to non-renew my six-month subscription in November 2012. I was waiting until just before my account was ready to renew - and then I met someone. Though he turned out to be a world-class jerk, my faith in the process was renewed - and so was my subscription.

Fast-forward to June 2013, and I still wasn't having much luck on the site. But, I was enjoying the Stir Event concept enough that I decided it was worth letting the subscription renew. Plus, I missed the chance to cancel prior to the renewal date, and since I'd already paid for the next six months, I let it be.

Since June, I've gone on a couple of dates from Match. Both were borderline disasters, as were all of the emails I've exchanged. I've yet to find a suitable "match" on Match - so this morning I pulled the trigger and canceled my subscription before it renews automatically in a couple weeks.

My feeling? It's not them, it's me. Match seems like the absolute perfect site for twenty and thirty somethings looking for their first real relationship, and/or marriage. The search screen is full of beautiful, hopeful faces looking for their happily ever after.

It does not seem that Match works for those of us who are a little older, and no longer under the impression that marriage necessarily lasts forever. Also - and this is not a complaint, just an honest observation - most of the men on Match are looking for someone younger and thin. (I know this because a Match profile actually gets that specific as to what a person's preferences are. The number of men who will "accept" a woman who is "curvy" or "a few extra pounds" is quite small.)

The Stir Events (at least locally) were mostly happy hours hosted at venues that appeal to a younger crowd. So it was just a collection of those same young, beautiful people looking for other young beautiful people. Which is absolutely wonderful - for the right demographic.

I think Match is probably the perfect site for some people seeking dates - it's just not for me. If you're a younger, commitment-minded single, I would say it's absolutely worth the membership. I would caution that while the paid subscription does weed out some of those just looking for a hook-up, or catfish scammers - it's not absolute. There may be fewer of them, but they're still there. 

If it were free, or even just slightly less expensive, I probably would have stayed. But the reality is, there are other ways I can spend that money each month. 

Shaken, not stirred

I went to my second Match.com Stir Event last week. First let me say - I love this idea. The whole concept of taking what is quite possibly the largest, datable community and inviting them to one, giant, single-friendly, safe, fun place to meet other datable people is genius. Genius! Kudos to whoever thought this up.

(By the way, Match, if you're hiring, I'd love to work for you.)

Once you register for a Stir event, Match is great about nagging reminding you that you're "on the list." I got an email confirming my RSVP, an email telling me the event was in two days, and then a third reminder the day of - with a link to the mobile Stir site, where I could (supposedly) see profiles of people who were already at the event. Also an excellent idea.

Unfortunately, my mobile carrier and/or the site were conspiring against me. I was unable to check the profiles before walking into the bar.

Which was really unfortunate. Knowing that the guy I blew off the week before was already inside would have been excellent information to have before I was standing in front of him.

Let me back up...

We actually met a couple of months ago. I winked, then he winked. I emailed, then he emailed. Then he fell into the black hole...and reemerged to taunt me about the Yankees (he's a Red Sox fan - proving not every guy on Match.com is ideal).

We spoke on the phone and were supposed to meet for lunch - and then he "lost my number." He emailed me again around Christmas, along with every other guy I know who is lonely romantic.

The weekend before the Stir event, he asked me to meet him for a drink. I already had plans to meet Engineer and some of his friends for a comedy show (to celebrate - Happy Birthday, Engineer!) but told him I would text him when the show was over.

I never did. Why? I'm not sure. I was tired, and not feeling all that well. It was later than I originally thought. I was all the way at one end of one city, and he was all the way at the opposite end of another.

All excuses. Bottom line - I didn't care to meet him, so I went home and ate cookies.

Back to the Stir event....

I hadn't even made it to the bar when I heard my name. It took me a few seconds to connect the dots, but I finally realized who was standing in front of me.

He smiled. I smiled. He bought me a soda and we sat down and chatted for a while. It actually felt a little like a first date. It was nice - but a little awkward, since we were both there having accepted an invitation to a singles event, presumably to meet other people.

Then his friend showed up. I got the impression he was Match-Guy's wing-man - and why would he need a wing-man if he was into me? We all chatted for a bit. Then Match-Guy spilled his beer on our table, and since the smell makes me nauseous, and since Criminal Minds was starting in a hour, I said my goodbyes.

I never met anyone else, because I was sitting with him the whole night. Not that it was a bad night - just not what I had planned.

All in all, not a bad night. Certainly could have been worse - I could have run into this guy.

Stirring things up with Match

You may have seen the match.com TV commercials for their 'Stir Events.'

The commercial gives you a good idea of how it works. You need a premium, paid subscription to Match.com. When they're organizing an event in your area, you'll receive an email invitation. You RSVP; you'll get a couple of reminders, and your name will be on a list at the event.

(Your invite and reminders warn you that if you RSVP yes, not showing up or canceling could affect your receipt of invites to future events. Basically - match is looking to fill these events, and no-shows don't fit the plan.)

So, I signed up. I wasn't overly interested; I'd already met Sparrow, and wanted to see where that might lead. But my curiosity got the best of me. 

According to the commercials, they organize all kinds of events - wine tastings, bowling, cooking classes, etc. My event (the first locally) was a happy hour. The venue was a small bar which, it turns out, was closed off to the public for the event. Not only that - match had the TVs at the bar turned off, to encourage us to talk to each other, rather than get distracted. 

(They did not have us turn in our phones.)

So how was it? Well, first of all, it really was just a happy hour. A local bar, nice atmosphere, filled with more women than men, most of whom were drinking. Some sitting at the bar, a few at tables, and some just standing around. Women congregated to once side, men to the other (like a high school dance); there were a few brave souls who ventured into the middle and mixed it up a bit. 

Happy hours are not really my thing. I don't drink, and I always feel out of my element in a bar or lounge. A sports bar, where I can watch a baseball game? Fine. Trivia? OK. But just standing around in a bar, trying to talk to strangers? Meh - not really my thing.

But - don't knock it til ya try it, right? 

I have to say - there is one major difference between the Match event and a regular happy hour: You walk in knowing that everyone in the room is single, and looking to meet new people. It's also obvious, after about 5 minutes, that every one of them - even the ridiculously good-looking - feel as awkward as you.

There's something a little empowering about knowing you're not alone.

I went on my own; it took about 3 minutes to locate a group of women who were friendly and, it turned out, a lot of fun. If you're really too scared to go it alone - your invite will probably allow you to bring a friend. Take them up on that offer. No single friends? Who cares! Bring a married friend. Hey, you just need the company, and this way, you're not really adding to the competition. 

If it comes down to going alone, or not going at all - go. Step outside your comfort zone; try something new. Hey - if you're trying to meet someone, and haven't yet, maybe it's time to try something different. Maybe an event like this is exactly what you need. 

If it doesn't work out - you'll at least have a good story.