Not meant to be

A lot of guys came out of the woodwork in January. Some messaged, others called. A couple just viewed my profile. The majority reappeared during the full moon. I attributed the additional traffic to still-single guys making a January power-play on their resolution to find a girlfriend in 2014.

I don't know if any did. I do know none found one here.

Most of these guys were the usual suspects. Guys who routinely fall in and out of the black hole.

But of all the people who might circle back, this guy was the last I would have expected.

He started by asking how I was doing. I briefly considered just ignoring the text. But a) that really isn't my style, and b) I thought the conversation might offer some good blog fodder.

After a few polite messages back and forth, he asked if we could get together sometime. I (again briefly) thought about setting up a date and just not showing. I quickly dismissed that idea, knowing I'd never go through with it.

I went with honesty instead, and said I would have liked that.... but for the fact that he stood me up. He apologized. I accepted his apology, but told him I'm just not up to trying again, especially after so much time has passed. I added that I had really liked him, and my feelings were really hurt.

I couldn't help myself; I asked why he didn't show that day. He responded that he didn't have the money and didn't want to look like a "low-life."

Let me stop here. Let's set the record straight on one thing, right now. Yes, it sucks to have to cancel plans. Yes, it's embarrassing to admit you have no money. But when it comes to dating, there is nothing - not a single thing - more disrespectful, hurtful, and just plain unnecessary than standing a woman up. Just straight up leave her hanging, waiting at a restaurant. Especially when you suggested the date; you picked the time and place.

I have no idea if this guy is being honest. Assuming he is, it really is too bad. By all counts, we really liked each other, and maybe could have had something nice.

If he had just said he didn't have the money, I would have quickly pivoted and suggested a less expensive date. Or I would have suggested another time. I wouldn't have been upset, and I certainly wouldn't have thought less of him. In fact - I would have had a lot of respect for his honesty.

Instead, he did the most cowardly thing a guy can do. He let immaturity and pride get in the way. Now we'll never know what might have developed between us.

It would be tempting to get upset about the whole thing. To think it's unfair, or that it's just a case of bad timing. To wonder if maybe it can be repaired if we "just try." But I already know there's no such thing as "the one who got away." I know this all means it just wasn't meant to be.

I wonder if he knows the same?

Fool me twice

If you can believe it - it happened again. After almost five years of dating without ever being stood up, I was stood up twice in one week. Before you ask - yes, it was a different guy.

Similar situation...single dad, seemed to have his act together, seemed very nice. We started talking online and we seemed to have a lot in common. What's also nice is we don't live too far from each other.

I emailed him first - and when he replied, he told me he kept visiting my profile but didn't message me because he "wasn't sure I'd reply." So, I took the hint he's not big on the first move, and asked if he'd like to meet for coffee "sometime."

I just wanted to put it out there that I'd like to meet. I did not pressure him into a day. He asked my schedule, he picked a day, time, and place.

The day of, I messaged to ask if we were still on...and heard nothing. At that point, I knew I probably shouldn't bother going - but since we'd actually made and confirmed plans already, I didn't want to just not show up, in case he did. Then I'd be the jerk who stood someone up.

So I went - obviously, he did not show.

Several days later, I got a message from him apologizing. He said he'd gotten some terrible news about a friend, and had been out of touch for several days. He said he felt bad that he messed it up because he "really wanted us to meet."

I decided I would accept his apology, tell him I was sorry about his friend, and said I'm sure something will work out eventually. I did not see any point in being mean about it, or getting angry. I also did not want to question his honesty.

But - as a friend pointed out - I do think if he really wanted to meet me, he would have apologized and then suggested another day and time.

We still talk now and then, though he's made no mention of meeting, and I will certainly never bring it up again. I do have to wonder - what could his endgame possibly be? What is the point of continuing to talk, if you know you don't want to meet?

Fool me once

At the end of the summer, I met this guy. He seemed nice - smart, funny, with his act together. Single dad, with a good job, and a nice life. We went on one date and had, I thought, a great time. At least I had a great time, and he said he did, too.

We made plans (at his suggestion) to go out again later that week. He cancelled last minute, saying something had come up at work. No big deal. We made plans to meet up again that Sunday. Saturday came, and I hadn't heard from him, so I texted him to see how his day was going. Nothing. I didn't really think anything of it, knowing he was busy with his son's football practice.

Sunday came. I texted a couple of times...nothing. So, I assumed he'd changed his mind about getting together again. I was confused, but obviously wasn't going to chase after the guy, so I let it - and him - go.

A few weeks later, he messaged me. Asked how I was, blah, blah, blah. He asked if we could get together - then cancelled on me about an hour before we were supposed to meet. He said something had come up, and he'd like to get together that weekend.

I was obviously skeptical, but I told him sure - he could get in touch with me on Sunday if he wanted to go out. Never heard from him, and once again, I let it go.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I heard from him again. He said he wanted to talk and see if I might be interested in getting together. I reminded him that I had always been interested; he was the one who kept canceling and blowing me off.

He said, here he was thinking I was the one who wasn't interested. He said he'd pulled back in an effort to see if I was really interested - and when he didn't hear from me, he figured I wasn't. He said his friends had told him to stop with the games and just ask me out.

We met for dinner that night. Again, it seemed to go really well. Good conversation, we seemed to be on the same page in terms of what we wanted out of dating. We agreed to get together again that coming weekend.

We texted and talked on the phone a few times over the next few days. That Saturday, he asked if we could get together on Sunday to watch football. He suggested "about 1" at a sports bar. Sunday morning, I checked in with him to confirm we were still on - and he said yes.

So after church, I went (sorta out of my way, mind you) to the sports bar. I was early; about 5 minutes to 1, I texted him to let him know I was there and waiting outside for him. No response; I thought perhaps he was on his way and couldn't text while driving.

Fifteen minutes later, I still hadn't heard from him, and he hadn't walked past me to get into the bar. I did a quick walk through, and didn't see him. The place was packed, so I really didn't want to use up a table unless I knew I'd be staying. I went back outside, and texted him again.

Still nothing.

I checked with Baking Suit on what seemed like appropriate wait-time for a guy who said he'd meet me "about 1." She felt 1:30 was more than reasonable, especially since he wasn't responding. I actually waited until about 1:45, when I'd been at the bar for almost an hour.

Just to be sure, and so that I could never be accused of not having made an effort to get in touch, I called him. As I expected, I got his voicemail.

I was pretty proud of myself. As tempting as it was to leave him a really nasty message, I managed to keep my voice very calm and my message very polite.

"Hey. Thought we were meeting around 1. I've been here a while, so I'm going to head out. Hope everything is OK. Take care." Then I left.

I have not heard from him since, and I don't expect I will. If I do, I reserve the right to not be so polite.

Side Note: This is the guy who felt not responding to texts, calling, etc. was not disrespectful. Given that's his feeling on canceling and ignoring, I'm inclined to assume he just didn't show up because he didn't feel like it, and feels he was perfectly justified in doing so because "that's life."

I now feel far less guilty about telling him I don't blog about dating.