Criteria

One of the things I like best about Match, that other dating sites lack, is the fact that the profiles tell what the person's criteria is (if any). For example, right next to the profile picture, information like this appears:

MrPerfect is looking for women ages 26-38 within 50 miles of Albany, NY

Of course, nothing is without exceptions. I mean, Prince Charming searched the whole kingdom for Cinderella, and her shoes didn't even fit right. You can't plan who you'll love.

Still, now I know that if I'm 40 and live 100 miles away from him - even if all else is perfect - there's probably little reason to email him. Or if I do, I should at least be prepared that he may not be willing to step outside those requirements.

At the bottom of a Match profile, you can share even more information about the person you hope to meet. If you have preferences for race, religion, education, income, lifestyle (smoking, drinking, etc), body-type - even hair and eye color, for those who only date blue-eyed blondes!

Most people don't go into too much detail in this section. One thing almost everyone completes is the body-type they find attractive. I actually find this pretty helpful. I'm not even close to being "athletic and toned" or "thin" so if a guy specifically states that's what he finds attractive, why waste his time, or mine?

Whether you follow people's criteria without exception, or prefer to take a chance here and there, I still think it's worth respecting what they say they want. I mean - hopefully they know best what will work for their life, right?

I have been approached by many, many men who are considerably younger than me. On OKCupid, I get it


Guess they're hoping I'm a cougar.

 - it's a totally different circumstance. Plus, my profile doesn't actually say that I want to meet people in a certain age-range.

But on Match? A guy 10 years my junior approached me last week. He even said to me, "I know I'm younger than your profile states you want - does that bother you?"

Well, yeah. Especially since his profile specifically said he "definitely" wants to have kids someday - and mine says I definitely don't. When I pointed this out, he said, "That's OK. I work a lot right now, so not having kids is not an issue."

Great - so you don't want to have kids right this second. But the thing is...you're 28! That will probably change, especially since you already know you want a family. So why on Earth would you approach a woman who is past the age where she can safely have kids, and who is saying she definitely does not want them - ever?

My profile actually says I am looking for men my age and older (I say up to 49; I can't bring myself to admit I could date a 50-year-old, yet). Why? Not because I have anything against younger guys - but with older men, the issue of having kids is usually eliminated. Either they already have and don't want more, or they've decided they never want kids. Either way - problem solved!

I usually avoid men who are looking for younger women - especially if they're in their forties, and they're looking for a woman in her twenties. I figure either they're still hoping to meet someone who can have kids - or they're just emotionally immature, and have found their games don't work on women their own age. Either way - not for me.

I don't believe in having a type. Opposites attract all the time, and you never know with whom you'll find a connection. Sometimes it's worth a little extra effort, just to see what might happen.

But don't completely discount what someone says they want. Even if you don't think it has anything to do with you, it might offer a little insight into the person you're potentially trying to meet. Who someone chooses to spend time and effort on says an awful lot about him.

Cradle jumpers

In an effort to find more trouble blog material, I restored my OK Cupid profile last week. I'd hidden it over the summer after meeting Sparrow, and honestly forgot all about it after I started dating again. But Plenty of Fish has been getting me into nothing but trouble and heartache lately, and Match is full of men who want a housewife and mom-to-be - so I figured what could this hurt?

If you've never used it, OK Cupid is a very interactive site. The home page is set up like a newsfeed, with the latest activity for all users. Users are invited to comment (which shows up in the form of a private message) on new photos, answers to profile questions, etc. The site (and phone app) notify you of every visitor, and give you an extra heads-up if a visitor is a particularly good match. The site is bright, with a pastel logo, and questions and profile set up that read like a Facebook quiz.

You can probably imagine the demographic OK Cupid seems to attract - young, and very attached to the online world. It's not really surprising, then, that within ten minutes of restoring my profile, I had emails from a 28 year old, a 22 year old - and a guy who lives 3,000 miles away.

Not exactly what I was going for...but the site wasn't done yet.

A couple days later, I got an email from a guy who is 19 years old. Nineteen!! I could have children that age. I actually had step children who are older. To put it in perspective, a few days before I got an email on Match from a guy closer to my age - who is old enough to be this person's grandfather.

Nineteen is too young even by the acceptable cougar standards.

But I couldn't resist - especially after prompting from a favorite tweep. I responded, "Our age difference is really too much for me. Any chance your dad is single?"

No response. I assumed he was probably irritated by my question, or hadn't fully grasped my age when he sent the first email. Then - he emailed back. Said my profile seemed cool and fun, and I was very pretty, so he wanted to talk to me.

Aw. That's sweet. He's 19!!

I didn't want to talk to him. There's nothing romantic or sexual about a man young enough to be my son. All I can think about are my friends who are moms, and how they would feel if their teenage (Teenage!) son was flirting with a peer.

Plus, a friend mentioned something I hadn't considered - what if he's not really 19? What if he's really 17 - or 16? Now we've blown right past the point of impropriety and directly to illegal.

I went back in to block his profile - which I found had been deleted.

I guess someone else decided jumping out of the cradle wasn't a good idea.