Worth remembering

Don't forget to remember.

Wrong number

This is how I have felt all week.
Thank goodness it's Friday.

Official grievance filing

Yesterday was Festivus. Did you air your grievances?




Visit bureauofcommunication.com 

 

PS - Merry Christmas Eve!!

Declaration of Romantic Intent



Found on Facebook.
Source: BureauofCommunication.com

I feel like I should start using this when I decide I am interested in someone. Yes, I know - open, honest communication is more adult and important - blah, blah, blah.

There's something to be said for a little fill-in-the-blank simplicity. Keeps me focused, concise, and on track.

Back later

I'm home sick. Actually, technically I'm home because of back pain - the medication for which has made me sick.

It sucks to get old.

I will be "back" soon, to share a few bad decisions.

Happy Thanksgiving



Source



Sometimes, rejection is OK.

Just ask a turkey.

Yoga videos on Gaiam TV

Visit GaiamTV.com

Around these parts, we mostly discuss relationships - the good, the bad, and the ugly. While relationships are fun (or at least fun to talk about), there is more to life.

Dealing with change (which could be the end of a relationship - or the beginning of a new one) is hard for everyone - and harder still for some. There are constructive, positive ways to manage change - and other ways that are far less so. I like to think I lean towards the constructive - with the occasional chocolate detour.

Getting fit, both physically and mentally, is one positive way to deal with any life change. For whatever reason, no matter what's going on, people seem to focus more on change during the fall months. Maybe it's the change in season, or the change in wardrobe? Maybe it's because that's when the new school year starts, and we're all perpetually thirteen years old? 

No matter the reason, if you're like me, fall might be the time when you clean out your closet, your facebook friends, and your old habits. Physical fitness is one habit I'm always looking to revive, and the best way for me to do that is to find something new. I bore easily, and then I give up, and before I know it, I can hear cookies calling my name.

Gaiam TV is a new way to explore different fitness videos and topics, and find something that grabs your interest. Gaiam is the first of its kind; a streaming video service catering to those interested in health, wellness, personal development, and fitness. You'll find thousands of hours of yoga videos, featuring workouts from Jillian Michaels, Mari Winsor, and Rodney Yee. 

Along with yoga and fitness videos, you'll also find videos on topics like spirituality, metaphysics, and films & TV. There is also a Gaiam store, where you'll find yoga and fitness equipment, items for your home, bath and body, and workout clothing.

Visit GaiamTV.com

Gaiam gives users 24/7 access to workouts, as well as health and wellness information. The service is compatible with smart phones, streaming devices, televisions, personal computers, and iPads, making it ideal for keeping fit while travelling (Think visiting family for the holidays; who couldn't use a sanity break?). 

Sort of like Netflix for Yoga.

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If you're looking to get fit this fall, why not get fit with GaiamTV? Click here to get started.

***This post was sponsored by GaiamTV.com. I received compensation for trying the service, and sharing the information.***

Tough work

Today is Labor Day - a US holiday that "celebrates the economic and social contributions of workers."

Mostly, it's just an excuse for us to take a day off in September and have picnics, go to the beach, and shop sales. It's also the "unofficial" end of summer.

In that spirit, I thought we'd celebrate the tremendous effort some men make it seem to do the simple things - like text you back, call when they say they will, and be on time for dates.

Many act like that deserves a holiday.

Solid advice

It likely meant something different in its original context....

But I think "avoid pricks" is good advice in any context. Take it as you will. 

How *not* to behave

First, I'd like to clarify that Engineer knows I'm writing this, and I got his permission first.

I went out with Engineer a couple weeks ago, to the place where he originally met the woman I now affectionately call Twin Flame Girl (or TFG). He told me she would be joining our group, and I couldn't resist because...well, I'm not dating, and I need dating disaster stories from somewhere.

We met for karaoke at a local hole-in-the-wall type place, with decent food, a nearly-friendly bar staff, and okay acoustics. TFG joined us a little late, immediately found a seat next to Engineer, and started searching for a duet. Awwww....

We had a group of six. This is the kind of place where everyone knows everyone. So, while Engineer was paying TFG attention, he was also interacting with other people. At one point, he sat down next to me, looking at the song sheets, trying to coax me into singing. He chose a song and she said, "Oh, I knew you were going to pick that one!"

You know - because they're Twin Flames and all, so they're in synch. Right. 

A little while later, TFG left the bar. No goodbye, no explanation, no nothing. I didn't notice right away, because I was tweeting. When I realized what the three guys were talking about, I asked, "Did she leave?" Engineer wasn't sure, and said he was going to text her to find out.

I thought about trying to stop him, because right then it occurred to me what she was probably doing, and him texting was exactly what she wanted. But either I didn't think or act fast enough, or maybe I just didn't want to get in the middle. Either way, he sent her a text, and she responded by saying she'd left because "he didn't seem to want her there."

I told him that's a classic passive-aggressive manipulation. I shook my head and said that was ridiculous, and he deserves better. Now - just so we're all clear and before anyone jumps down my throat - I'm not judging her. I'm sure she's a very nice woman, and she is attractive enough, and seems friendly and smart.

My observation of "passive-aggressive manipulation" is just that - an observation made from experience. I've behaved this way before, so I know. Of course - I was 13 at the time. But whatever.

"You realize she's probably out in the parking lot," I said. And, in fact, she was. She stepped back into the bar, and came back to our table to talk to someone else, while Engineer performed "Creep" by Radiohead.

I found that funny, in an ironic sort of way. It got even funnier when he got to the line in the song that goes...

She's running out the door
She's running
She run, run, run
Run

....And even funnier when the whole bar started singing the lyrics right along with him.

She's running out the door.


I could not stop laughing. Engineer's friend was trying to get me to shut up by gesturing that TFG was standing behind me. He doesn't know me well enough to know I just don't care. [I mean that in the nicest way possible, of course.]


As if this train wreck wasn't already perfectly timed, what do you think happened next? Well, while TFG is talking to Engineer's friend about (whatever I couldn't hear, but presumably Engineer-related) - the two of them were called to sing their duet.


They performed their song [Cruisin' by Smokey Robinson - I think], with her making sure to use his mic instead of her own so they'd have to stand close, and whispering in his ear just before the song started. She managed to turn it into a big production - which I also thought was a way of manipulating the situation. They came back to our table, and she sat down as if all was good.

I excused myself - saying goodbye to everyone at the table - and headed home. While I like a good bit of (someone else's) drama, I'd actually reached my limit.

Here's the thing.... Engineer admits he likes the attention, and I think he probably also legitimately likes this girl. Like I said, she is pretty, and seems nice enough. I get it. If you ask me, all three guys from our group probably like her a little bit. So obviously, she appeals to guys on some level with which I'm just not in touch. That's cool.

But in my opinion (which I've shared with Engineer) - he deserves way better than a passive-aggressive, manipulative, immature woman. I just have my doubts that someone who behaves this way knows herself well at all, or is in a position to have a healthy, constructive, long-term relationship.

I also worry if things don't work out, how she'll react if Engineer ends things. Can you imagine?

P.S. - Should I, at any point, start behaving this way, you all have my permission to call me out on it, then ground me.

Twin flame

This post has nothing to do with me, Trooper, or a breakup. How's that for a change?

Engineer still has a girlfriend, but that didn't stop another woman from striking up a conversation with him when a bunch of us were out not too long ago. He was just being friendly; she took it to a whole other level.

So over the weekend, he told her that he wasn't interested. He did this via text - which, you'd think, would be enough to send her running. Not this girl - she said she understood he needed time, and she's perfectly happy to give that to him, because she knows he'll be back. What makes her so sure?

Because she believes Engineer is her "twin flame."

I beg your pardon?


In case you don't feel like reading that whole thing, let me sum it up for you. Your twin flame is like a soul mate. The idea is that you were once one soul, and at some point, you split and have been reincarnated as separate souls over and over, waiting until your souls are ready to reunite. Ideally, you'll reunite in what will be each of your last earthly lives, so you can ascend together. (For the record, I'm not sure exactly where you're ascending, since I thought people who believed in reincarnation didn't believe in the other thing. But that's what it says.)

A twin flame is a very spiritual, karmic relationship. The connection would be deeper than any other relationship you'd ever had. Signs that you have met your twin flame include an overwhelming sense of love and attraction, finding yourselves in complete synchronicity (calling at the same time, buying each other the same gifts), feeling so close that you almost feel related, and the ability to contact each other through meditation.

I very nearly choked on my Memorial Day hot dog, I was laughing so hard.


Engineer has known this lovely lady for about a week, and she's already certain he is her twin flame - even though, as far as I can tell, none of those signs has appeared. He says she feels they must be connected because they have similar interests.

"What interests?" I asked. His answer? Music.

Wait - what?! You can't infer a deep, meaningful connection based on the fact that you both like music! Everyone likes music, for crying out loud!


Engineer is my friend; he means a lot to me, and has been more than good to me through my whole breakup, depression thing. I want him to be happy; and I want him to have someone who is kind, and loving, who appreciates him and brings good to his life. He deserves at least that much from a relationship.

Given my options, at this point, I think I'd prefer the girl who doesn't want to approve his facebook request.

Ouch

Tooth Fairy - not really the same thing
Source

I get it. When your heart is broken, it's tempting to think about getting back at the person who hurt you. 

But using your job to get revenge? Not cool. You don't eat where you...you know. Mixing business with emotions is never a good idea. 

In the case of a Polish dentist - it might also be illegal. Her ex came to her right after their breakup with a toothache - and she removed all of his teeth. 

While that seems extreme, this should be a lesson to people everywhere. If you just dumped your dentist in the bedroom, it might be time to find a new dentist chair, too.

Are you generous or attractive?

Seems like there's a dating site for just about every person, situation, or possibility. I don't judge; if it feels right, and doesn't hurt anyone, I say rock on.

I'm intrigued by the idea of a travel dating site. MissTravel.com went live on April 9, with promises to pair generous members with attractive members. The generous members pay for the trips - airfare, accomodations, dining.

So what do the attractive members do? Other than agree to accompany the generous members on the adventures, it doesn't appear much. Oh, and look attractive, I guess.

Sounds like dating for a purpose, right? Exactly. In fact, that's what the site's founder Brandon Wade seems to do best. He also runs seekingmillionaire.com, seekingarrangement.com, and whatsyourprice.com. Says Wade,

All my websites have one theme in common - generosity. Generosity goes a long way when it comes to dating.

Uh huh. Thing is...I thought there was already a name for people who date others for their "generosity?"

No date? No prom

This has to be one of the worst things I've read. A teenager in PA is being banned from her own prom because she doesn't have a date.

Can you imagine? Her date backed out after she paid $95 for prom tickets. She's already invested money in the dress and the shoes. She's ordered the flowers. She's willing to go solo, but her school - Archbishop John Carroll High School, which is run by the Philadelphia Archdiocese - won't allow her.

When I had my senior prom 20 a few years back, most people wouldn't have had the courage to go alone. Definitely not any of the girls I knew. A few went with groups, and didn't have a particular date - but not solo.

I think this young woman should be applauded for her courage and her confidence. Instead, the school is holding her back.

For them to say that we're not good enough to go unless we have a guy standing next to us, it's just kind of sickening.

I agree. It is kind of sickening.

Playing catch up

By far, one of the biggest challenges when you're going from being single to in a relationship is time-management. At least for me, it's tough to adjust to spending the time you want to with that other person, while still getting all the stuff done you need to get done. Not just work or writing or correspondence - but little stuff, like the dishes, gets behind as well. 

I'm adjusting to make sure I get to spend as much time with Trooper as I can while still maintaining a balance that allows me to meet my responsibilities. Sometimes, being a grown-up can really stink. 

In that spirit, I wanted to mention again that guest-posts are always welcome. Got a dating dilemma? Want to share a dating horror story? Have some dating tips? Please feel free to send them on over. 

Everyone's got something to say.

Email me at girlsgotshine@gmail.com - include your guest post, a suggested title, preferred artwork, and your name and bio (including any links to your blog) as you'd like it to appear. Keep in mind that I don't edit. I do reserve the right to only publish pieces that keep with the GGS spirit; dating related and not too tough on any gender or group (but a little sarcasm never hurt anyone). 

If you've submitted something for a guest-post and I haven't responded - please accept my apology. I will get to it - but if you want to submit it again, I definitely won't hold it against you. 

If you submitted a link to a post that's already appeared on your blog, I apologize, but I may not get to those. If you'd like to submit it as a post to be shared over here, I'm happy to do that. Include a link back to your blog post if you like. 

And lastly, I had a question in comments about whether you can write me with questions. The answer is, absolutely! Again, girlsgotshine@gmail.com will get you right to me. Keep in mind, I'm always looking for blog material, and if your story is a good one, or you want advice from the masses, I may want to share. But - I will never identify where the question came from, and I also would never share at all if you specifically ask that I not. I can totally keep a secret.

OK - I think that catches you all up. We good? Good.

Second Annual Bachelor Auction

Remember this event from last year? Well, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - Capital Region is hosting their Second Annual Bachelor Auction on Saturday, March 31. Once again, the event is being held at Vapor Night Club in Saratoga, NY. Once again, a date with one of  the areas 15 most eligible bachelors will be up for grabs!

Guys for sale - what could be better? Last year, this event raised over $11,000 for the foundation - proving that guys are, in fact, not completely useless.

This year, proceeds benefit the AFSP's Out of the Darkness walk for R.I.T.A - a walk to benefit suicide prevention programs. The walk was started in 2005 by friends and family of Dr. Rita Leighton, who died by suicide in 2004. 

As if bidding on good-looking bachelors to raise money and awareness for a good cause - last year's Hostess, Amanda Talar, will be back this year. 

Tickets are already on sale - visit here to make your purchase. There are a limited amount of VIP tickets, which include a meet-and-greet with the bachelors before the auction. If you're planning to bid - I highly recommend the VIP ticket. 

Follow the event's facebook page for details on the bachelors, as well as entertainment and door prizes for the evening. You can also check out pictures from last year's event. 

Not interested in bidding? Come out, anyway! I'll be there - and no, Trooper is not on the auction block. It's a fun night out for a good cause. Grab your favorite outfit and accessory - and your good friends - and come have some fun for a cause. Hope to see you there! 

Worst of 2011

My 2011 ended on a fantastic note. That doesn't mean that there weren't a few dating disasters. Here are few I would classify as the worst.

- Trapping myself in a guy's bedroom while trying to make a hasty, angry exit
- Too soon for the L word (way too soon)
- (Barely) a date with a Crush - who got married a few months later (to someone I know!)
- Guy who lied - about everything
- Having to "break up" after a first date

Still, I've got nothing on some of these.

Superstitious date

Today is full of superstitions. Some people won't even go out on Friday the 13th - never mind schedule something important. Like a date.

I consider myself more particular than superstitious. I don't have a lucky top or bracelet that I always have to wear. But if I showed up to a date with a pair of earrings that wasn't quite right with my outfit, I'd convince myself that the whole thing was going to go wrong.

I also believe in jinxes. I don't like to get too ahead of myself, or get my hopes up, out of fear that I will give my good fortune a case of bad luck. I prefer to be cautiously optimistic, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

But there are plenty of superstitions when it comes to dating. People don't like to stray from certain lucky habits, or patterns, for fear that if they do - the date will surely fail.

- Pick your lucky place
- Wear your lucky shirt
-  Don't arrive too early or too late
- The method you use to confirm the day of
- Who orders first
- Who pays
- Don't set up a date for Friday the 13th

I would actually love to set up a date on a Friday the 13th - especially a first date. How cool would it be to tell that story when you're still together a year later?

"Yup - Friday the 13th is lucky for us!" Maybe you'd even get married on a Friday the 13th. Or Saturday the 14th.

I guess it's all a matter of how you look at things.

Every queen deserves her king

I remember once talking to a group of friends about older couples getting married. My friend who works in the wedding industry said she worked with a couple who was in their 70's, both widowed, and had decided to get married.

I like the idea that love is an ever-changing thing, that's different for everyone. It doesn't come packaged in a perfect box with a ribbon, and it doesn't always take on the schedule we expect. For some, the conventional timeline works; for others, things work out differently.

But they do work out.

This story, which I read over the weekend, is proof. Aretha Franklin - the Queen of Soul - is getting married, at age 69, to her "forever friend." How nice is that? Not only to have a "forever friend" - but to be lucky enough to marry him?

I can't think of anything more picture perfect.

Oh, and Ms. Franklin assures everyone that she is not pregnant. Just in case you were wondering.

Happy New Year!