And then there's this...

I told you about my fears, and how I gave in to them and asked Sparrow for a break.

Here's something I didn't mention.

A while back I was approached online by a guy who is normally someone in whom I'd have been very interested. I replied, saying thanks for the email, but I just started seeing someone.

He said he was leaving the site, and gave me his personal email in case "that doesn't work out." I responded in kind with my email, saying we could talk as friends if he wanted. Then I thought we were done.

We were not. (I realize now I should not have given him my email address. I'm overly polite, or naive, or he caught me in a bad moment. Whatever the reason - what's done is done.)

He has messaged me several times, and is clearly interested in dating, or at least getting to know me. I've been honest with him - right up to telling him that I was on a "break" but that truthfully, I really like "the guy" and would not be surprised if we try to work things out.

He thanked me for being so up front and not leading him on.

Then he asked if us getting married was "off the table." (I said, yes, it is off the table.)

Here's the deal....

This guy really has nothing to do with my doubts about my relationship. However, I am a person who believes that "cheating" starts long before anything physical happens. Emotional affairs are a very real thing, and while I don't think they ever really cause problems in a relationship, I do think they can aggravate those that already exists.

I've not met this person, and currently have no plans to do so. I'd be lying if I said the attention isn't flattering. I'd also be fooling myself if I said I wasn't a little sad at the idea that I might never get this kind of attention again. After all, this sort of exchange only happens when a relationship is new - and it's only new once.

But did even talking to this person get inside my head? Did it exaserbate what were already very real concerns, and get me to do something I wouldn't have otherwise?

That idea truly horrifies me. Not because I think I've done anything wrong. No one has been lied to or led on. I just really, truly, hate the idea that I am allowing myself to make clouded choices. That my choices aren't really my own, because I'm giving outside influences a power they should never have.

As if relationships aren't confusing enough, now I'm letting the cooties take over.

Setting social media boundaries

Baking Suit sent me this article from The Inquisitr, about the next big hit in online dating - Words with Friends.

That's right, the next big thing in dating isn't the latest dating site, or even facebook. It's the popular scrabble-like game that everyone is playing.

Zynga, the games creator, polled 100,000 players and found that 1/10 said that playing the game has "led directly to a hookup." Some other fun stats from the poll:

• 40% said they would date someone through the game
• 43% say they have cheated on someone...in the game
• 24% say they have exchanged their WWF handle rather than a phone number

At first, I thought this was ca-razy. Then I got to thinking; this actually isn't all that unusual - or new.

I personally know more than one person whose own relationships were affected by online gaming, especially with popular games like World of Warcraft. Before the games were online, people met in person to play with others who shared the interest. Why would we think it would work any differently when the games went online?

We do everything online - plan vacations, pay bills, track fitness plans. We regularly use sites like Match or Plenty of Fish to meet people.

Sure, it's easy to think that because the games are online, the relationships formed while playing will stay there - and therefore, pose no real threat to "real life" relationships.

I have to disagree with that for two reasons. First of all - what's to say those relationships will stay online? I have dozens of friendships that started online, and moved to real life. That's not even counting any of the guys I've met on dating sites - those are just friends I've met through blogs and twitter.

Second - if a couple is having problems, no good can come from one person finding companionship elsewhere. Even if it stays online, it drives the couple further and further apart - until mending the problems seems all but impossible.

So what's the secret? Do we avoid any online interaction once we start dating someone? That seems extreme.

It's really all about boundaries; we set them in real life, and we need to find a way to set them in our online world as well. Social networking, whether it's on a site like facebook or a game like WWF, is here to stay. It's time everyone figured out how it fits in every part of life - including relationships.