Since you asked...

*If you're going to cheat on your girlfriend, maybe don't cheat with the woman who lives across the hall, and is therefore bound to run into your girlfriend.

**While we're on the subject - if you're not ready to be exclusive, simply not agreeing to exclusivity should solve the problem.

***If you are ready to be exclusive, don't just assume the other person is, too. Hint: Sex doesn't equal exclusive to everyone.

****If you say you'll call - call. If you might not be able (or want) to call - don't say you will. Yes, it really is that simple.

*****Don't assume that because I'm a woman, I'm in a hurry to assign you a label. You know what they say about people who assume.

******I don't care how jaded or cynical you are. If you like someone, and thought maybe you were "more than friends," hearing them refer to you as a "friend" stings, just a little.

Found it here

Since you asked...

» You shouldn't have to specify in your profile that you won't be abusive. Yes, some men are - but not abusing a woman is the bare minimum you can do to be a good guy. If you lower the bar any more, you might trip.

» I'm not on a "search" so please don't ask me how it's going. I'm out to meet nice, cool, smart people and hopefully find a connection worth pursuing. Don't make me sound like Pochahantas leading an expedition.

» You message me for days...then ignore me for week...then message me and tell me how you met someone, it didn't work out, and you are wondering how I'm doing. Translation: You were more interested in her, but it didn't work out, so now you're back to me. You disliked her low self-esteem. Well here's something else not to like: Mine isn't low, and I don't play second fiddle. Better luck next time.

» It's never, ever cool to date when you're not ready. It's especially not cool to do so with someone who is loving, caring, and who has honest feelings for you.

Since you asked... Cranky edition

This collection of random observations sounds a little more cranky and complain-y than usual. Or maybe I'm just a little more cranky in general. Either way, I was going to change them up a bit, but then I figured cranky best represents my mood

What can I say? It's been a week. This too shall pass. Meantime, there's sushi and the weekend!

***********************

* If we've talked on the phone, texted, or gone on a date - why email me on a dating site? It's impersonal, and says nothing good about the future of our friendship/relationship.

* Let's just agree that unless you're traveling to the moon, being out of town is not a valid reason for being out of touch on a dating site. "I'm interested, will be in touch when I'm back," is really just code for, "I'm already dating someone, but want to keep my options open in case it tanks anytime soon."

* Incidentally, if you give me this line, we'll probably never date. If you can look for other options behind her back, what would stop you from doing the same to me?

* Why are you using baby pictures in your profile?! This isn't freaking Facebook. I want to see what you look like now. Not what you looked like 30 years ago, or what your kids look like, either.

* We've reached a new low in online-dating etiquette when a friend's ex contacts me on a dating site to ask me to ask her to call him.



Found it here



Since you asked...

Sometimes, people do the dumbest, strangest, meanest things...or maybe they're just not paying attention. For instance...

+ I say right on my profile that I am a cat-mom. I do this to let you know that if you don't like cats or are allergic, we're probably not a good match. If you have kids, there's a good chance I won't like them - and might even be allergic to them - but I understand they're part of the deal. Relax, parents, I'm not comparing your kids to my cat, so don't get your mom-jeans in a bunch. I'm simply saying that loyal, honest, unconditional friendship and love is hard to find. I won't be giving up the one person in my life who shows me all of that, even if he does have four legs.

+ Just because I looked at your profile doesn't mean I'm interested. Therefore, it isn't necessary for you to send me an email telling me I'm not your type. If you were my type, chances are I would have emailed you first. Simmer down, champ - you're not all that.

+ Along the same lines, just because I hold the door open for you when you walk into the building behind me doesn't mean I'm flirting. I'm being polite - blame my grandmother.

+ Standing someone up is just plain rude, mean, immature, cowardly, and totally uncalled for. If you changed your mind, just say so.

+ If you get stood up, remember it says way more about the other person than it does you. You held up your end of the bargain - s/he is the jackass.

+ If your interests include "vampires" and your profile picture clearly shows you're wearing contacts to color your eyes yellow and either you've had your teeth shaped so you have fangs or you wear some sort of prosthetic to make it look as though you do - move along. I don't like horror movies, I'm a afraid of the dark, and I'm anemic.




Found it here

Since you asked...

I met a man who seems very interested in pursuing a relationship with me. He's nice, sweet, smart, with his act semi-together. He's attractive and funny, and we have a few things in common.

As I was processing this information the other day, it occurred to me I may need to rethink how committed I am to a full-blown relationship. Why? Since you asked...

• The idea that I might be giving up my booty-call guy (don't judge, he's adorable and very sweet and respectful) actually bothered me more than the idea of missing out on the relationship.
• I'm happy to have "the talk" - but didn't feel it was important enough to interrupt the season finalé of Criminal Minds.
• I have to Google how to spell the word "commitment" every single time I type it.
• I immediately began thinking of all the single activities I'd have to give up - and teared up a little.
• Immediately after that, I started coming up with excuses I was prepared to make to keep my single engagements...well, single.

In theory, I love the idea of a healthy, balanced, monogamous relationship. I just wonder if I'm cut out to be in one.

Found it here

Since you asked...

A few random thoughts for a Friday...

• I go on so many dates, last week I actually confused my counselor. He was having trouble keeping up with the dates I was talking about. Next time, I may bring a flow-chart for him to reference. 
• There's probably no quicker way to get rid of me than to call me "boring" or say I'm no fun. Someday, maybe I'll share why.
• If we've already talked and we weren't a good match, please don't send me a message thinking that since I'm "still on here" maybe I want to talk now. If it didn't work before, it probably won't work now. In fact, now I will have trouble respecting you, because clearly you don't respect yourself. Why would you settle for someone who wasn't interested in the first place? You deserve better.
• One of the worst parts of having your email hacked is when it sends emails to guys you once dated, reminding them that you exist, when you prefer that they just forget.

Thank goodness.
Found it here

Since you asked...

I've had a few thoughts swirling around in my head this week, but none of them seemed to form their own post. What was I thinking? Since you asked...

...If you start off by telling me you work a lot and don't have time for much else, I will assume dating falls into the "much else" category, and move along.

...If your profile says your kids are your world, I will assume you have no plans to make room for other priorities.

...I "don't want to rush into anything" is just code for I "just want sex."

...If I've moved so far over in my seat at the movies that I'm practically sitting in a stranger's lap, I probably don't want to hold your hand.

..."Does dad know about me?" is not a reasonable question on a fourth date.

...Meeting on a dating site doesn't make us an automatic couple. We have to take things at the same pace as anyone else. We still need to date.

...How straight-forward can you really be if you won't even upload a profile picture?



Found it here



Since you asked...

Seriously?

... I don't understand why people don't include a photo with their profile. It's dating. Like it or not, physical attraction counts for something. That doesn't make people shallow - it makes them human.

... Some people need to keep their photos offline (they're in law enforcement, a teacher, etc.). That's cool - but offer to share a photo as soon as you connect with someone. Don't expect someone to feel comfortable talking when you know more about her than she knows about you.

... It's 2013, age of the smartphone with front-facing cameras, timers, and stands. Can we please stop with the bathroom mirror selfies?

... Don't take a photo of you in your dingy, dark basement, or at night with no flash. Questionable backgrounds make you look like a serial killer.

... Don't suggest we meet for the first time at your home, or in some dive bar, or that I pick you up and drive you anywhere. I'm not auditioning for my own episode of the First 48.

... Newly single, full-time dads with three kids under the age of 10 who are separated but not yet divorced have no place saying "drama queens need not apply." Trust me, you bring more drama to the relationship than I could ever hope to stir up on my own.

... If you're going to list your body-type as "athletic" and then show a full-body shot- especially one showing off the abs - you really should have an athletic build.

... While everyone is entitled to his or her own preferences when it comes to physical attraction - no one is entitled to be nasty. Saying "skinny chicks need not apply" is as rude as "no fatties." It's enough to just not email us. In fact, we'd consider it a favor.

... When we've literally just met and I ask how you're doing, "I'd be better if you were next to me" is not an acceptable answer. It's an obvious line, and a bad one at that. I could be a psycho. Or a murderer. Or wear socks with sandals. You don't know if I'm pleasant to be around, so please don't pretend that you do.

... It really doesn't do any good to say in your profile you're looking for a "connection" and a "real relationship" and then make it clear in the first five minutes all you want is sex. Newsflash - we can tell the difference.

Playing catch up

By far, one of the biggest challenges when you're going from being single to in a relationship is time-management. At least for me, it's tough to adjust to spending the time you want to with that other person, while still getting all the stuff done you need to get done. Not just work or writing or correspondence - but little stuff, like the dishes, gets behind as well. 

I'm adjusting to make sure I get to spend as much time with Trooper as I can while still maintaining a balance that allows me to meet my responsibilities. Sometimes, being a grown-up can really stink. 

In that spirit, I wanted to mention again that guest-posts are always welcome. Got a dating dilemma? Want to share a dating horror story? Have some dating tips? Please feel free to send them on over. 

Everyone's got something to say.

Email me at girlsgotshine@gmail.com - include your guest post, a suggested title, preferred artwork, and your name and bio (including any links to your blog) as you'd like it to appear. Keep in mind that I don't edit. I do reserve the right to only publish pieces that keep with the GGS spirit; dating related and not too tough on any gender or group (but a little sarcasm never hurt anyone). 

If you've submitted something for a guest-post and I haven't responded - please accept my apology. I will get to it - but if you want to submit it again, I definitely won't hold it against you. 

If you submitted a link to a post that's already appeared on your blog, I apologize, but I may not get to those. If you'd like to submit it as a post to be shared over here, I'm happy to do that. Include a link back to your blog post if you like. 

And lastly, I had a question in comments about whether you can write me with questions. The answer is, absolutely! Again, girlsgotshine@gmail.com will get you right to me. Keep in mind, I'm always looking for blog material, and if your story is a good one, or you want advice from the masses, I may want to share. But - I will never identify where the question came from, and I also would never share at all if you specifically ask that I not. I can totally keep a secret.

OK - I think that catches you all up. We good? Good.

Little bits...

Just a few thoughts to end your week (or start your weekend)....

- I told Trooper about this blog (Everybody wave!!)... He's such a cool guy, and took it totally in stride. 

- That said...he did make one suggestion. He thinks I should call him Bigger instead of Trooper. No - not because of that - get your minds out of the gutter! Because he's bigger, and better, than Big. 

- Blogs of Note really brought a lot of new visitors to my little corner. If you're new, welcome. 

- I'm totally tapped, time-wise, and want to make sure the community stays fresh, and we have plenty to chat about. That being the case, I am happily accepting guest-posts. Got something dating-related you want to get off your chest? Send me an email.

- If you enjoyed the Flowchart for Daters, outlining at which relationship stages to give a gift, you may also enjoy this helpful guide from iVillage - The right gift for every relationship stage. A vibrator that moves to the sound of his voice?!

Happy Friday!

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Little bits

Just a few little items I thought worth mentioning - but that really don't deserve their own post:

> Remember the article that told us scary activities can be a great date? I tested that theory not too long ago with Trooper - and it is totally true. The scare factor is a tremendous ice-breaker, conversation is natural because there is so much going on - and there's plenty of opportunity for hand-holding.

> Remember Crush? And remember that his former girlfriend is someone I know? They got married last weekend. Awkward.


> Things are going well with Trooper - well enough, that I'm thinking I will have to tell him about this blog at some point. I've wondered about this before, and the consensus was wait about a month, see how things are going, and then tell. Feel free to weigh in.

Better than a bed and breakfast.