No one can predict true love

Did you know OK Cupid has a blog? I had forgotten, but that's probably because they just published the first new post in three years. No wonder they sent a blast email to announce! The post details some "experiments" the popular dating site has done on users, concerning the importance of photos versus profile text, match score, etc. Interesting stuff, actually.

" I’m the first to admit it: we might be popular, we might create a lot of great relationships, we might blah blah blah. But OkCupid doesn’t really know what it’s doing. Neither does any other website."

No kidding. Most of us have known this for a while. Well, except for that one guy who, despite me pointing out some glaring differences between us, insisted that "an 87% match is nothing to ignore."

Yes it is - and that blog post proves it.

"The ultimate question at OkCupid is, does this thing even work? By all our internal measures, the “match percentage” we calculate for users is very good at predicting relationships."

I would agree. OKCupid said I was 90% matched with Trooper, and 98% matched with Big. While neither relationship lasted, each was successful in its own way.

OKCupid uses a series of questions to match users. Some are personality questions, some seem like IQ questions. Of course some are sex questions.

If a user doesn't answer any, I still find we are at least a 10% match. I can only assume that represents the fact that we match in some basic ways (he's a guy who dates women, he is the right age, and lives in the right area).

If users do decide to tackle the questions, it isn't enough to respond. To "improve match accuracy" users also need to indicate which answers they consider acceptable, and assign a level of importance to the question. Of course, answers depend an awful lot on each person's interpretation. So while you might not "match" on a particular question, if you took the time to discuss the issue, you might find you actually agree.

Like everything else on dating sites, I've found match scores need to be taken with the proverbial grain of salt. Sites may be good at predicting the success of initial conversations, or how those first dates will go, but no one can predict chemistry or real attraction.

No one can predict true love.

Nice to meet you

I'm polite roughly 95% of the time. Even when someone hurts my feelings, I do my best not to hurt his. If I even say anything, I do it as nicely snd calmly and, well, politely as possible.

The other 5% is what happens when I'm caught in a bad place (usually just after having been hurt). I don't go looking for a target - but I'm less careful about being nice if one presents himself.

So this guy emailed me tonight on OK Cupid. In his "hello" message he said, "What do you know? I was just saying I needed to find myself a short, sarcastic brunette. What are the odds?"

It's worth pointing out that statement is a reference to the last section of my profile, proving this guy actually read my whole profile before emailing me. So, while a quick glance at his profile showed we have differing dating agendas, I figured I should at least acknowledge his effort.

He thought I was being presumptuous - which, I supoose is fair. He pointed out we never really know what someone is really looking for. I admitted he had a fair point, but in his next message he asked, since I know so much, what did I think he was looking for.

I repeated the first line of his profile back to him. Admittedly, I added plenty of sarcasm - but this whole thing did start with him saying he was looking for a sarcastic brunette.

So actually, I was being pretty polite.

Profile catch phrases

The real problem with online dating profiles is the catch phrases. The words we see over, and over - and over. After a while, it's tough to be sure what the words really mean - or if they even have any meaning at all.

Some benign, classic examples include:

"I love to laugh "

"I am looking for my best friend."

"I like to go out, but I also love to stay in."

These phrases really don't tell much about the profile subject. We know he likes to do things both at home and away, he likes to laugh, and would prefer to spend the majority of his time with someone he really likes.

I'm pretty sure these statements are true of just about anyone.

What we have learned is that this person isn't sure of what to say.*  Maybe he's shy, or maybe he just lacks creativity. He could also be incredibly dumb, and paid someone to write this profile. In which case, he should ask for a refund.

Then there are some of my favorite words. These appear in a variety of phrases, and are intended to say one thing, but really (I think) mean something totally different.

"I'm laid back" is really code for "I won't commit." Usually these guys have said they are looking for a relationship (because they believe they need to, in order to attract women), and this is their way of letting themselves off that hook.

"I'm easy going" is really code for "I am irresponsible. I will constantly be late and cancel plans." They think it makes them endearing. I blame their parents.

"I am drama free" is actually the most confusing. It sounds like the guy's life is simple, but what he's really saying is he will not, under any circumstances, put up with your drama. His life, however, may be a total disaster - which, of course, you'll be expected to manage.

There are more, but those are the ones I see the most (on Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid, anyway.)

Any to add?

*We could address this more in another post, but do I hate to offer criticism without suggestions for improvement. So, instead of these phrases, consider sharing what makes you laugh (maybe tell your favorite joke, or name a TV show that always makes you giggle). Suggest a few things you do at home (stream Netflix, read, build models) and things you do outside (bars or restaurants you like, activities you enjoy or want to check out). As for your best friend - describe her. This actually serves two purposes. First, it lets others know if they might be your type. Two - it helps you figure out what you really want.

How rude

Let me start with a little background...

A few years ago I met a guy online. Back then I chatted with new people on Yahoo Messenger, and he and I went back and forth, chatting everyday for a couple weeks. We never met in person, and after a while, the chats just stopped.

Fast forward a couple of years...

Now and then, this same guy would reach out to me on various dating sites. What I thought was strange was that in every email, he seemed to be saying hi for the first time - as if he didn't remember that we already sorta knew each other. One time I even tried to remind him that we'd talked before, and that we were even members of the same meetup.com group.

Fast foward to two months ago...

Eventually, I gave up reminding him we've already talked. After a while, I even gave up on the polite responses. He obviously doesn't remember me, or have the courtesy to be polite - so why should I make the effort?

Last month, he sent me an email on POF, asking how I was doing. I responded within minutes by saying I was doing well, thanks for asking.

The next morning, he replied by saying, "I guess you're not interested." Totally confused, I decided to ask what he meant. I pointed out that I'd replied to his message right away, to try and continue the conversation. I asked why that suggested to him that I was not interested.

His answer was that I had responded by saying I was doing well, but not asking how he was doing. This, apparently, indicated that I wasn't interested. He went on to explain that even people who are not interested would ask how he was doing, just to be polite. Since I couldn't be bothered to be polite, I needn't bother responding.

So - I didn't.

Now, a month later, he sent me a message on another site, again just asking how I was doing. Per his previous instructions, I didn't bother responding.

Two weeks later, I got a second message from him saying, "hmmm guess not."

I didn't reply. Here's my thing...

First - "How are you doing?" is a lousy way to start a conversation online. It's lazy, lacks creativity, and does nothing but create work for the other person.

Second - Apparently, he's more interested in tricking me (and I assume others) than actually getting to know someone. Apparently the whole thing is really just a test to see if I know how to respond.

Last - He can't remember that he's approached me before - even though my user name and picture are the same on all profiles - but I'm the one who is rude?

So, I've started ignoring him completely. It seems like the polite thing to do.

Play mode

A while back, I came across an OKCupid profile of an interesting guy who specifically said he wasn't looking for anything serious. Since I have plenty of not-so-serious in my life already, I passed him by. But not too long ago, he sent me an email introducing himself, and we got to messaging.

To his credit, he was open about where he's at. He told me he's in "play mode" because he just got out of a 10-year marriage. I can respect that - but also wanted to be honest. I told him I am not looking for anything strictly casual. Even though I'm not looking to rush into anything serious, I want the potential to be there. I said it sounded like we're in different places. 

He agreed, but we kept chatting as friends. He told me he appreciated that I didn't get all judgmental and angry with him for wanting to "play." Apparently, some women have reacted poorly.

Here's my thing.... I think "play mode" is perfectly fine, as long as the person is upfront. There's nothing wrong with not wanting a full-blown relationship. If you already know you have no place in your life for one, why not just be honest? 

I think the problem is a lot of women (maybe men, too) take that personally. Like, oh, that person must just not want to date me. I suppose that is the case sometimes - but when someone tells me right from the start that he just isn't in that place, I don't feel like that has anything to do with me. How could it? It's a decision he made before I even came along.

It's cool to want a relationship, and it's perfectly fine to limit yourself to meeting new people who want the same. But there's no reason to judge people just because they want something different. 

Some people are just looking for someone else in play mode.

Probably not a match

Sometimes when I look at who Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid want to match me with, I giggle. Mostly just so I don't cry.

I know they have to work with what they've got - but I wish I could just give them a hint.

We're probably not a match if...

• He's wearing camouflage in his profile photo.

• Or really, any photo.

• In fact, if he even owns any camouflage.

• If he has posted a photo of himself holding a fish.

• Or a dead deer he obviously just shot. Or really, any dead animal.

• Or a gun.

• If the name of the town in which he lives includes the word "Falls" or ends in "ville." There may be exceptions to this, but only a few.

• He can not properly spell the name of the town in which he lives.

• If he has posted a shirtless photo.

• Or a bathroom-mirror selfie. C'mon.

• He drinks more than socially.

• He doesn't actually know what socially means.

• He has problems with any other 3rd grade words.

• He owns a snowmobile. Or a kayak.

• He runs marathons and is looking for a partner to run with him.

• He thinks the man should be the head of the household.

• Or that cooking is a "woman's job."

False advertising

I came across this profile the other day, and based on the photo, honestly thought the guy was probably a stripper. Turns out, he's actually in law enforcement. (I'm sharing the photo so you can see what I mean. I cropped out his face to be nice.)

I was a little disappointed. I mean, a stripper could have been a fun blog post. But there's not much exciting, or blog-worthy, about a police officer. Then Baking Suit gave me a great idea for a new angle.

False advertising.

As bad as it is to not post a photo, photos also need to be up to date, clear, and accurate, in order to be useful. My own personal guidelines:

• Recent - Preferably within the last six months. At the very least, photos should have been taken within the last year.

• Clear - Don't resize a 2MP photo taken with your ancient camera. That just proves it's old.

• Not misleading - My best friend is gorgeous. So is my cousin. I have plenty of pictures of us together. If I posted one, plenty of guys would email me, hoping to connect with the tall, gorgeous blonde in the photos. Who the heck is that helping?! It should be easy to tell who you are, since it's your profile.

• Not dark - Similar to the blurry resized photos, a picture is only helpful if I can actually see what you look like.

• Full picture - Ideally, a closeup of your face and a full-length shot. Hey - I'm no bombshell. If I can do it, so can you.

• Smile! - A while back, I saw a profile in which the guy started off by saying he loved to smile. In his photo? No smile. What is that?!

(For the record, the guy in this photo wasn't guilty of anything wrong...he just inspired my thoughts, so I thought I'd share.)

Hit publish

The other day I was all dressed up, having a good hair and make-up day. That's somewhat rare, so I decided to take some photos to update my dating profiles. I'm one of those people who actually goes to the trouble of updating my profile (pictures and all) at least every six months.

As I hit publish, I got to thinking. It really does take a certain level of guts to put your picture on a profile. You're basically asking people to judge your appearance. Asking them to determine if they think you're worth a closer look. You're inviting criticism and harsh words and rejection.

I've always posted a photo, because I think not posting one is dishonest. But when I hit publish, I can't help but picture guys pointing and laughing.

I don't agree that anyone should put a profile out there without a photo. I think if you're actually available and honestly looking to meet, you should be upfront about everything - including your face.

But I do understand how it can be so scary to just hit publish.

By the way....Engineer's wedding was lovely.

Define drama

"I don't do drama." 

I come across this on so many online dating profiles. I see it worded many different ways, but I'd say about 95% of the profiles I read mention a preference to avoid "drama." 

I've even focused on it myself - if I message a guy who says he hates drama, I key in on that and tell him I feel the same. Which is actually true...I hate drama. (Unless it's other people's drama...I'll totally laugh at other people and their drama.)

So the other day, when I was once again locked in an internal (and by internal, I mean talking to my cat in the kitchen) conversation about why everyone other than me has someone special, somehow, I came back to this whole "drama" question. For the first time, I wondered: 

Is the problem that we all define drama differently? 

I'm not sure why I asked this question. (The cat wasn't either; he was mostly concerned with how quickly I wasn't filling his food dish.) It just suddenly occurred to me that when a guy says he doesn't want drama, what he may mean is that he doesn't want to deal with stuff like communication, sharing, compromise...you know, a relationship.

Which would mean that, to these guys, a woman like myself (who tries to talk and learn and share) must seem like the biggest drama queen they've ever met. They probably even think I'm a little crazy, what with my wanting to touch base and see how their day (or even week) went.

But maybe I should have been asking this question all along. I mean - literally asking. Maybe I need to be asking these guys what they mean when they say they want to avoid drama. Maybe instead of just assuming we agree on how to avoid drama, I need to find out what exactly it is that he's trying to avoid.

Would I get an honest answer? I'm not sure. I guess that depends on the guy. But I think the question is worth exploring. If nothing else, it'll be a more interesting conversation starter than, "So who's your football team?"

Oh, and for those wondering, yes I did eventually get the cat fed. 

Alternate dating profile

I try to keep my dating profiles very positive and upbeat. First - I can't stand reading woe-is-me type profiles, so why would I write one? Second - a positive profile will (should - in theory) attract positive people.

So I avoid negative words and phrases. I talk about things I like, things I do, and what I want. I try to avoid saying I won't do something, or I talking about things I dislike, or any phrase that sounds like "don't message me if..."

Since I also try to put this same positive spin on life, it turns out this is a pretty fair representation of my personality. But every now and then, I don't feel positive. I'm human; I occasionally feel sad, or angry, or frustrated, or just plain tired and defeated.

I sometimes wish I could have a second profile, for those days. I imagine it would say something like this:

Found it here

In search of blog material

I have a job that I don't really like, but it pays my bills. Well - most of them. I like to shop, and I work several freelance jobs on the side to try and pay off the extra. As a result, I have little free time - and I write a dating blog.

I don't really like to go to the gym, but it helps offset my junk-food preference. No, I don't like to hike, bike, or kayak, so please don't ask. I'd rather be at the mall.

Please don't message me if you're clingy, needy, controlling, or just out of a relationship. Please don't ask me to share anything - closet space, a remote, too much of my time, or my feelings.

You most likely won't have all the qualities I want, but if you have just a couple, I might keep you around while still dating other guys. Even you do happen to have all the qualities that I want, I'll likely still get bored - or scared - and eventually find a reason to cut you loose.

Despite all that, I think I'm an OK catch. I can take care of myself, have plenty of friends, love my hobbies, and am generally happy being single. I'm reasonably cute, and I have nice style and great shoes. I'm also pretty funny.

As a matter of fact - you should consider yourself lucky just to be added to the rotation. If it doesn't work out, at least you'll make good blog material.

Skout Observations

I have been on Skout a little over a week. I've "met" dozens of men. Most have resulted in little more than a few exchanges on the site. One or two graduated to my phone number. I haven't met anyone in person, and currently have no plans to do so.

I have made a few observations...

» The economy must be worse than I thought, because there are a lot of unemployed men out there.

» It really doesn't matter how attractive you are.... I can't look past a sentence like "u is pretty."

» "Were your parents bakers? Cuz you're a cutie pie," is very cheesy, but give the man some grammar points!

» After a few days of observing what other women post, I'm more understanding as to why men approach us like meat. I'm also far less complimented when they tell me I'm pretty.

» Everyone should carefully consider how things like platform, design, and ad placement affect the overall look of their posts.

(Please forgive the photo. It was too good not to share.)

Dating license revoked

I love me a good Buzz Feed list. Thanks, Baking Suit, for ensuring I didn't miss this little gem.

#9 - Let's not only revoke his dating license. He should probably be arrested.

#15 - Similarly, let's revoke his dating license and put him on a 72-hour hold.

#22 - Someone alert the writers at Criminal Minds!

#20 - Yes.

#14 - ?????

Acceptable lies

While looking for a photo to go with my post about drinking habits, I came across this post from The Daily Dot. The author, Beth Cook, is a Dating Coach (I wonder if she's an expert, too). She's also a little bit of a liar, apparently. Or, at least she gives permission to others to lie.

I agree with some of what she says.

For some odd reason, certain online daters feel the need to share bad things about exes. “I like outdoorsy girls. My ex-girlfriend wasn't interested in hiking and camping.” Oh, really? Is that why you two broke up? Of course not, unless you permanently live off the land. No need to talk about past relationships (including marriages), or really any past experiences. Get into the present and write about what you want now.

*Exception to the above rule: Your past may have led to children. In that case, you should mention them. It’s creepy if you don’t.

If you prefer an "outdoorsy girl" definitely say so. Do you need to mention the bit about the ex? No - but that's not really a lie, either. Also, it is definitely creepy if you have kids and don't mention them. Super creepy.

I don't agree that it's OK to lie about your height, weight, or only show photos from the waist up. I get what she's saying (best foot forward and all), but I believe your best foot includes working with what you've got. I'm a curvy girl, and I would never not post that on a dating profile. What good is that doing? If a guy knows he's only attracted to thin women, I'm just wasting his time - and mine.

[PS - How dare anyone suggest that in order for a curvy girl to put her best foot forward, she needs to hide her body?]

Ms. Cook also said it's OK to lie about vices.

Are you a twice a week social smoker or a once a month marijuana dabbler? Forget about it. Even people who are super-anti whatever mild vice this might be for you probably won't care if you do it only occasionally or only with certain friends. I wouldn't worry about describing your substance habits unless they are excessive. Your date probably behaves the same way.

NO she doesn't behave the same way, and YES she does want to know if you "dabble" in anything, especially if it's illegal where she lives. To some of us - and our jobs - this sort of information is deal-breaking. I wonder if Ms. Cook will pay my mortgage when I lose my job because my next date gets me arrested for possession because it was OK to forget to mention his intense cocaine habit?

Of course it takes time to share everything about your life with someone. No one does that upfront. I'll tell you I'm divorced before we've ever met, but it might be a while before I share all the details about what happened.

But if I don't even mention I've been married before? That's uncool.

Lying is a time-waster. It's not up to anyone to decide what is and is not a deal-breaker for others. Your job isn't to get inside your potential date's head; your job is to show off who you are, and let the right date find you.

Are you a drinker?

On, like, every dating site, users are asked if they drink. The response is usually a drop-down menu, with choices like: Never, Socially, Moderately, and Often.

I don't drink - ever. I can count on one hand the number of times I've had alcohol, and all were 20+ years ago. I've never been drunk. I don't ever plan to change.

So when I answer "never" I am being completely honest. I wish other people would do the same (be honest, I mean - I don't care if they drink).

I would say about 90% of the profiles I see say the person is a social drinker. But what does that mean,

Found it here

exactly?

I say a social drinker is someone who has a drink when he goes out. He's at a bar or dinner with others, and enjoys a drink - or maybe even a few. I'd even agree that a person could over-indulge once in a while, and still be a social drinker.

As long as it's done socially (as in, while in the company of others) and responsibly (as in, there's a sober designated driver or other plan in place).

I'd say someone who has a liquor inventory on hand and is constantly restocking is more than a social drinker. I'd say someone who drinks every night - even when he's alone - is more than a social drinker. I'd say someone who drinks and then drives to work is way more than a social drinker.

Yet few people will admit to being more than a social drinker - even though choices like 'often' or 'moderately' are available.

Why?

I get a variety of reactions when I tell people I don't drink. Some are appalled. Some don't actually believe me. Some get excited at the prospect of a built-in designated driver (which, by the way, is the reaction I find most annoying).

Others feel the need to excuse their own habits. "Yeah, I hardly ever drink," said one. Then he drank three beers at dinner that night, and two on our next date. I'm sure he was in control. I'm also sure, based on his size and the timing, that he would have been legally drunk if pulled over.

It seems like there's a perceived stigma about people who like to drink. I think people are hesitant to admit to drinking more often out of worry they will be pre-judged.

I've been told that I shouldn't say "never" on my profile. That it makes me sound dull, and probably scares people away; that they might figure it'd be a problem for me if they wanted to drink.

I disagree. As surprised as most men are when I don't order a drink, there's no way they're actually reading that part of my profile. Not to mention, if my drinking habits matter that much, we're probably not a good match, anyway.

Lying or pretending, on the profile or in person, accomplishes nothing - something I wish more people would learn.

Since you asked...

» You shouldn't have to specify in your profile that you won't be abusive. Yes, some men are - but not abusing a woman is the bare minimum you can do to be a good guy. If you lower the bar any more, you might trip.

» I'm not on a "search" so please don't ask me how it's going. I'm out to meet nice, cool, smart people and hopefully find a connection worth pursuing. Don't make me sound like Pochahantas leading an expedition.

» You message me for days...then ignore me for week...then message me and tell me how you met someone, it didn't work out, and you are wondering how I'm doing. Translation: You were more interested in her, but it didn't work out, so now you're back to me. You disliked her low self-esteem. Well here's something else not to like: Mine isn't low, and I don't play second fiddle. Better luck next time.

» It's never, ever cool to date when you're not ready. It's especially not cool to do so with someone who is loving, caring, and who has honest feelings for you.

Why are you alone?

"So why no man in your life?"

This from a guy who waited a whole 6 messages before asking this incredibly personal, and difficult to answer, question.

He's not the first to ask. Sometimes it's phrased as, "How are you single?!" or "Why is someone like you online?"

I think sometimes the question is meant as a compliment. Like, "how has no one seen how wonderful you are?"

Found it here

That brings us back to a pet-peeve I've mentioned earlier - the idea that when it comes to relationships, all you're looking for is someone who likes you. As if who you like isn't important at all. But that's a different post.

But it also brings us to a misconception about online dating - that everyone there is desperate, and unable to meet people elsewhere. Listen, I'm the first to admit I'm no beauty queen. But I'm not a bad catch, either. I have plenty of absolutely gorgeous friends who have used online dating to meet people - and I've met attractive, sweet, successful, honest men online too (though I have yet to meet one guy who has all of those qualities). 

Not to mention, the question also suggests that just because someone has a profile, that means she has no one in her life. That's a bad assumption - and you know what they say about people who ass-u-me.

Maybe I am dating - just not seriously. Or maybe I just met someone. I might be a player... Or maybe three other guys used that same line earlier in the day, and I'm suddenly quite busy.

My point is, me being online doesn't make me lonely, or alone - any more than us talking online makes us together. Don't go into a conversation with someone having already made assumptions and set expectations.

That rarely works out well for anyone.

A little effort

I ran across this profile last week...

*disclaimer*If you're into head games keep moving, most of you say you're not into them but as long as it's you playing them its fine.

Don't reply or message me if you are not willing to do what you say in your profile. You want honesty but can't be honest then you're fake.

Apparently women say one thing but do the complete opposite. 

Don't know why I even keep this profile. I have meet women I am interested in but for some reason none of them can be truthful but say they want a man to be truthful. Another peev of mine, dont click the damn meet me button if you seriously don't feel like chatting.
Have had several women click the meet me and then I message them and they just don't reply back.

Seriously, there is a little icon that allows you to see the persons profile before you click yes or no. It amazes me how little effort people put into this anymore. (Effort...you mean like spell-check, punctuation, and grammar?)

I'm trying my first speed-dating event tonight. Wish me luck! Hope this guy isn't there.

Be unique in your online dating profile

I've written a few online dating profiles for myself over the years. I've read hundreds thousands, and I've even advised friends with constructive criticism and tips.

While I'm no expert, I do think the experience has taught me something valuable when it comes to representing yourself online.

First thing's first - be yourself. Be honest about what you want, why you're there in the first place, and who you are. I know it's tempting to be someone else - after all, if you can't be someone different on the internet, where can you?! While that might be fun for a while, and might even help you meet people, it won't help you meet the right person.

When I say be yourself, I don't just mean be honest about where you live, the number of kids you have, and your relationship status and goals (though please be honest about these things). I mean let your personality show through - not just in the words you choose, but in your tone.

Are you sarcastic? Write a playful profile. Are you all business? Get right to the point. Are you a vampire? OK - maybe mention that, with no photos. Are you super-athtletic and active? Show it off in your profile pictures.

Whatever you do, the whole point is to set yourself apart from everyone else. I mean - whoever you're looking to meet has probably rejected those other profiles, so why lump yourself in with the crowd?

To this end, try to avoid words and phrases that are generic or vague. Such as....

•  Laid back - EVERYONE thinks they're laid back, but most people think everyone else is not. Conclusion: This phrase does not mean what we think, and is therefore useless.
• Loyal - Unless you're describing your dog, this word has no place in your profile.
• I like to laugh - Everyone likes to laugh.
• I like to have fun - See above.
• I like to smile - ENOUGH ALREADY!!!
• I like to go out, but also stay in - No matter where you go, what you do, or how often - you're always either home, or away from home. (Unless you're homeless, in which case, get off the dating site and start looking for an apartment.) Everyone likes to go out and stay in. (Unless you're agoraphobic, in which case get off the dating site and start looking for a therapist.)
• I'm a gentleman - Unless you go on to define what that word means to you, it's pointless. Some guys think a gentleman is a guy who allows a woman to do all the cooking and cleaning, while not asking her to clutter her mind with opinions. 
• I don't like liars - Ya don't say? That's weird, because I always make sure a new date is only telling me the truth 50% of the time. Otherwise, where's the mystery?

The best thing you can do in your online profile is tell what sets you apart from the rest.

And then I hid my OKCupid profile

I received this message on OKCupid:

Hi if you made me into your pantyhose what color pair would you make me into please and after you tell me what color I will fully explain what I am getting at and what this entails and it isn't about sex I promise. I want to make history to become your hybrid pantyhose a new breed of its kind. I would tell you the great benefits you will get from this they aren't bad at all. I want to become them only difference is I would be massaging hose that would be super cozy and to keep you warm when needed and keep your stress away. If you don't care for my idea I am willing to drop it totally and talk about something else.

...and then I hid my profile.

I also learned that this person (supposedly a local twenty-something man) sent this exact same message to another local thirty-something woman. And here I thought I was special...

Someone sound

It occurred to me that making fun of profiles might be a little mean. Perhaps there's a good reason that someone might not have access to spell-check or digital photos of themselves. Maybe they never had the chance to learn the difference between "their" and "there." It occurred to me that maybe it isn't right to poke fun when I'm not in a position to give constructive criticism.

Then it occurred to me that nothing forces these people to create a profile on the internet. So... whatever. A blogger's gotta blog.

I stumbled across this profile on match.com. He posted no photo, and listed his education level as graduate.

tired of being used

I'm looking for a woman who wants to spend time together as well as spending time with there own friends. Someone who is financhile (How does this even happen?!) sound and emotionaly sound.I would like to have more fun in my life and enjoy it with someone special.

I suspect he does not really have a graduate degree.

I also suspect that if women have used him in the past, it was not as a dictionary.