Just fits

This picture came up in my Facebook memories today.

Just like a shoe, if someone is meant for you, they will fit just perfectly. No forcing, no struggling, no pain.

I posted it 7 years ago - 3 years before I would meet Toyfriend.

At the time, I thought that relationships were supposed to be easy. If you had to work at all, it wasn't a fit, and like a shoe, you discard the one that doesn't work and move on to the one that does.

I have learned a lot in the last few years. One of those lessons has been that relationships are work - dating is not. When you are dating, it's fine to move on to the next. That's the point - dating is for finding the people and things that are not worth the work. You might be with someone a long time, you might be exclusive, you might have all the things you associate with a relationship - but until you put in the work, it's just dating.

When you decide to face the hard times, and you find that being with this person you've found is more important than avoiding the work - that's when the relationship begins.

I have struggled with things in my relationship with Toyfriend. I have wondered if I should do the work, and I have even wondered if I am the only one doing any work. I always come back to the thought that the work is better than discarding the relationship. 

Then the other day, Toyfriend and I had an argument that stemmed almost exclusively from me being anxious about a lot of things that were not related to us. I was overwhelmed and tired and scared and it just erupted into this big mess.

Toyfriend's reaction? He sat down and started finding and reading articles about how he can best love someone with anxiety - how to handle it, what to say, and what not to do.

I suddenly realized that we are both working - and this is the best relationship I have ever had.