During a twitter chat, The Single Woman suggested that it is good to have standards, as long as they're not shallow. I totally agree - but I think it's important to define shallow.
I guess some people consider it shallow when others are concerned with looks. While I agree that judging people only on their appearance, I don't think it's shallow to look for physical attraction in a romantic relationship. That seems reasonable and very fair, even if it seems shallow at first.
Physical attraction is important. It's not shallow to prefer thin women or blonde men anymore than it is to prefer black men or red heads. It's just a preference. I think the same can be said for someone having a preference for certain personality traits, or lifestyle choices. Wanting to date someone of a certain religion or political affiliation doesn't make you shallow. Again - it's a preference.
I've been called shallow because I want to date a guy with a job and a car, who doesn't live with his mom.
My concern is that the two of us be in a similar place in life. I sort of have my act together (mostly), and I'm looking for someone in a similar situation. That's my preference. It's based on experience, and learning what works and what doesn't (for me). I don't think that's shallow at all.
Obviously, in a long-term relationship, you're bound to encounter rough times. That might mean figuring out financial problems, or health changes, or even accepting a person as she ages and her looks change. Whatever the challenge, I'm all for working through it together, and supporting one another. I just don't happen to think that's where a relationship should begin.
I think that makes me reasonable - not shallow.