Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Stream of thought

Like I mentioned, I had a really nice conversation with this guy the other night. As I wrote in that post, he apologized and we'd kept talking. He texted me last week and asked when I was free again. He said no matter what is going on, he would be there.

So we met for coffee (at the same place where we were originally supposed to meet). Two hours of talking, laughing, and just a generally great time. He wanted to get together Saturday, but the area was pummeled with snow, so we settled for a phone conversation. A three-hour phone conversation that I actually enjoyed.

We made plans to get together Tuesday, to just hang out at my house and watch a movie. Monday night he was asking what kind of movies I like, making suggestions, etc. He said, "It's a date."

I never heard from him. I didn't think anything of it at first.  I knew he worked overnight, so I figured maybe he was tired or busy or whatever. Our plans weren't until later in the day, so it was no big deal.

But since I'd sent the nice "good morning" text around 10 am, naturally around 1 pm, the wheels in my head started turning. What follows is really just a stream of the thoughts that ran through my head as I trudged home through the snow...

  • It's really no big deal...the guy doesn't owe me anything. If he just disappeared at this point, I couldn't even really be angry.
  • He just seemed so different....I am just irritated that I let my guard down and trusted that he
    Just like that - he was gone.
      wouldn't be like the others. 
  • It's not like I really lost anything...I hardly know the guy. Just because it seemed like we had a good connection doesn't mean he wasn't a jerk. Maybe I dodged a bullet.
  • But would it really be such a big deal to just text me back and tell me something came up for tonight...or that he'd changed his mind altogether? Why is simple courtesy and respect such a challenge for some people? 
  • Am I just expecting too much, for people to show me the same courtesy I always show?
  • If he planned to just disappear, why make such a show of asking me about my taste in movies, or even asking me about a particular one? If he already knew he planned to no-show, what was the point? 
  • I'm so tired of having my feelings hurt. What is it that I did that warrants this sort of heartache? 
  • What could have possibly happened overnight, when we didn't even talk, to make him change his mind? Whatever it was, I probably shouldn't take it personally. After all, I wasn't even around, so how could it have anything to do with me?
  • Still, it's sort of tough not to take things personally, when the feelings being hurt belong to me.
  • At the end of the day, the guy showed his true colors the first time we were supposed to meet, when he just blew me off. No matter how good his reason was, it still demonstrates a total lack of communication. 
  • This is why I don't like having expectations...because what really happens always falls short of what you think will happen.

Then I got home and turned on NCIS. /rant


  1. I am always curious about this. You made plans for Tuesday (Later on in the day)... Was he supposed to pick you up? Were you supposed to meet? Sorry for the really invasive questions.

    Reason for these questions:
    If you made plans to meet somewhere, and he never texted you back... Would you not go to where you were suppsed to meet?

    If you made plans in which he planned on picking you up, would you still not text and be like "Dude are you still coming to pick me up at this time?"

    I understand you sent "Good Morning" and got nothing back. But, I think my Italian Fire would get totally up, and I would (in a very polite way) get him to answer back.

    You know what I mean?

    I'm just wondering what your protocol is.

    1. I really am a pretty flexible person - maybe too flexible sometimes, or at least more so than some.

      If we had set plans to meet somewhere, I might confirm - but if the place, time, etc was already agreed upon, I'd show up regardless of whether he confirmed.

      In this case, the plans were made, but the time had to be left open because of my schedule. Still, when I contacted to confirm time, he just never responded.

      I'm huge on courtesy - I never just ignore a text or any communication. Once I make plans, you can bet I'll be there - if I can't, I would at least let the person know.

      I'm more put off by the lack of courtesy than anything else.

    2. Then it just doesn't make sense. How is it ALL the guys you date (or at least blog about) turn out to be these PAIN IN THE BUTTS?

      I just don't get it.

      Are men REALLY this BAD?

    3. Not all men. Just some. And sometimes (as in this case, I eventually learned) it's not intentional. It's just a matter of balancing what I really want, what I actually need, and what's reasonable in the first place.

  2. I truly don't understand why these guys do that. Where they raised by wolves & not understand the need for courtesy? It's all on him for being an ass. You deserve so much more than that. Hang in there, the right guy will appear at some point.

  3. I've dated a lot in the last eight years, and many of the dates are from online. Men, and I'm sure women too, can be rude, impolite and inconsiderate. It's not you. There seems to be no common courtesy when it comes to online dating. It stinks.

    But remember, it's not you.