Stream of thought

Like I mentioned, I had a really nice conversation with this guy the other night. As I wrote in that post, he apologized and we'd kept talking. He texted me last week and asked when I was free again. He said no matter what is going on, he would be there.

So we met for coffee (at the same place where we were originally supposed to meet). Two hours of talking, laughing, and just a generally great time. He wanted to get together Saturday, but the area was pummeled with snow, so we settled for a phone conversation. A three-hour phone conversation that I actually enjoyed.

We made plans to get together Tuesday, to just hang out at my house and watch a movie. Monday night he was asking what kind of movies I like, making suggestions, etc. He said, "It's a date."

I never heard from him. I didn't think anything of it at first.  I knew he worked overnight, so I figured maybe he was tired or busy or whatever. Our plans weren't until later in the day, so it was no big deal.

But since I'd sent the nice "good morning" text around 10 am, naturally around 1 pm, the wheels in my head started turning. What follows is really just a stream of the thoughts that ran through my head as I trudged home through the snow...

• It's really no big deal...the guy doesn't owe me anything. If he just disappeared at this point, I couldn't even really be angry.
• He just seemed so different....I am just irritated that I let my guard down and trusted that he

  

  Just like that - he was gone.

    wouldn't be like the others. 
• It's not like I really lost anything...I hardly know the guy. Just because it seemed like we had a good connection doesn't mean he wasn't a jerk. Maybe I dodged a bullet.
• But would it really be such a big deal to just text me back and tell me something came up for tonight...or that he'd changed his mind altogether? Why is simple courtesy and respect such a challenge for some people? 
• Am I just expecting too much, for people to show me the same courtesy I always show?
• If he planned to just disappear, why make such a show of asking me about my taste in movies, or even asking me about a particular one? If he already knew he planned to no-show, what was the point? 
• I'm so tired of having my feelings hurt. What is it that I did that warrants this sort of heartache? 
• What could have possibly happened overnight, when we didn't even talk, to make him change his mind? Whatever it was, I probably shouldn't take it personally. After all, I wasn't even around, so how could it have anything to do with me?
• Still, it's sort of tough not to take things personally, when the feelings being hurt belong to me.
• At the end of the day, the guy showed his true colors the first time we were supposed to meet, when he just blew me off. No matter how good his reason was, it still demonstrates a total lack of communication. 
• This is why I don't like having expectations...because what really happens always falls short of what you think will happen.

Then I got home and turned on NCIS. /rant