Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Texting vs talking

When Trooper broke up with me (for those not keeping track, that was about two years ago) one of the "reasons" he mentioned was our lack of phone conversations. I prefer not to talk on the phone, and he felt that gap in our communication affected our ability to connect and really get to know each other. He thought if we'd talked more, maybe he would have recognized our differences sooner, which would have meant we didn't date for as long, and the break up would have been less painful.

I really didn't agree with him. Honestly, I took that whole conversation as a way for him to push blame on me for his own shortcoming.

I still don't agree, even if this article suggests Trooper may have been right.

"A lot of people still want to hear a voice (at least if they like you they do) and aren’t looking to always have to read a message on their phone. It becomes more personal and easier to connect with someone when you can actually talk to them. Ignoring this reality can create a disconnection between you and the person you are communicating with. Not to mention that it can hinder people from being able to open up and have deeper discussions with you because they simply don’t want to have to type a long dialogue. So making time to actually talk more often rather than constantly send a text message can help strengthen your ability to connect with others."

I do agree that texting can leave things open to misinterpretation. Perhaps it might even hinder a person's ability to really open up. No one wants to type a lengthy text message - and who wants to read one?

Here's my thing... if I need to have a serious, in depth conversation, I prefer it be in person. Phone conversations, to me, are still casual and open to misinterpretation. If I have to ask an important question, I want to see the person's reaction. If I know the conversation might not go his way, I don't want him to just be able to hang up on me.

Those conversations are usually long. If I'm on the phone, I can't muti-task. If I'm going to have to devote a few hours of my time to this "talk" it may as well be face to face. Honestly, if two adults can't manage to sit down in front of each other to have a conversation, how serious are they, really? If you're not serious, I'm certainly not devoting a ton of time or effort to the situation.

If all you want to know is how my day went and do I still want to meet for dinner tomorrow, I think that can be handled via text. That way, I can still be out running errands, or out with friends, or working at home, and have this conversation.

Plus, to be honest, most people (Trooper included) talk on a blue tooth. I think those are obnoxious. They pick up all sorts of backround noise and make it nearly impossible for me to hear what the person is saying. Plus, they still continue to run errands or whatever, which also means I can't hear them, and don't have their full attention.

If you're not even paying attention to me or what I'm saying, how connected are we, really? If we're not going to be connected, I would just as soon have mutiple conversations at once - which I can't do if I'm talking on the phone.

1 comment:

  1. I love your candor. Many of us would left it unsaid, but you are open & let us into the ups & downs of your dating career.