Tuesday, June 3, 2014

How rude

Let me start with a little background...

A few years ago I met a guy online. Back then I chatted with new people on Yahoo Messenger, and he and I went back and forth, chatting everyday for a couple weeks. We never met in person, and after a while, the chats just stopped.

Fast forward a couple of years...

Now and then, this same guy would reach out to me on various dating sites. What I thought was strange was that in every email, he seemed to be saying hi for the first time - as if he didn't remember that we already sorta knew each other. One time I even tried to remind him that we'd talked before, and that we were even members of the same meetup.com group.

Fast foward to two months ago...

Eventually, I gave up reminding him we've already talked. After a while, I even gave up on the polite responses. He obviously doesn't remember me, or have the courtesy to be polite - so why should I make the effort?

Last month, he sent me an email on POF, asking how I was doing. I responded within minutes by saying I was doing well, thanks for asking.

The next morning, he replied by saying, "I guess you're not interested." Totally confused, I decided to ask what he meant. I pointed out that I'd replied to his message right away, to try and continue the conversation. I asked why that suggested to him that I was not interested.

His answer was that I had responded by saying I was doing well, but not asking how he was doing. This, apparently, indicated that I wasn't interested. He went on to explain that even people who are not interested would ask how he was doing, just to be polite. Since I couldn't be bothered to be polite, I needn't bother responding.

So - I didn't.

Now, a month later, he sent me a message on another site, again just asking how I was doing. Per his previous instructions, I didn't bother responding.

Two weeks later, I got a second message from him saying, "hmmm guess not."

I didn't reply. Here's my thing...

First - "How are you doing?" is a lousy way to start a conversation online. It's lazy, lacks creativity, and does nothing but create work for the other person.

Second - Apparently, he's more interested in tricking me (and I assume others) than actually getting to know someone. Apparently the whole thing is really just a test to see if I know how to respond.

Last - He can't remember that he's approached me before - even though my user name and picture are the same on all profiles - but I'm the one who is rude?

So, I've started ignoring him completely. It seems like the polite thing to do.


  1. LOL, Good choice. Even though I do agree that it would be polite to ask how he is in return, I wouldn't go so far as to say it's rude of you unless it was a habit and in addition to other habits. Amusing, all.

    1. If I thought the question was sincere, I'd respond by asking how he was doing. The thing is...I don't (fhink he's sincere). I think he sends that same email to countless women, in an attempt to get a response - any response. I don't think he's even looking at my profile, which is maybe why he doesn't realize he and I have had this conversation dozens of times.