Sunday, August 31, 2014

Rejection isn't personal

No matter how you slice it, rejection is tough. Even when it's coming from someone you barely like, it stings.

When I think about it, I think rejection is one of the main reasons I rush with so many of the guys I meet. I rush so I can reject them, before they have a chance to reject me.

The truth is, rejection early on isn't personal. If someone rejects you after just a few dates, that has much more to do with him than it does you. After a while, though, that changes. At some point, a rejection has more to do with you - your personality, values, habits, etc - than him.

I've been on seven dates now with Turtle. They say ("they" being dating blogs that I can't remember right now, so you'll have to take my word that I read this somewhere) that if two people have not had sex by the fifth date, it will not happen. Turtle and I have only hugged - and that didn't happen until date six.

Without divulging the sordid, somewhat embarrassing details of my sex life, let's just say this is a first for me. After date five, I figured I'd been friend-zoned. When the hug happened, I thought perhaps it was just a buddy-hug. Then I thought, hey, if we're still making progress after the fifth date, perhaps this thing - whatever it is - just needs more time.

Unfortunately for me, in order to find out for sure, I can't rush. Well...I could. I could rush to the conclusion that we are just going to be friends, and move on to the next guy.

Normally, that's what I'd do. Turtle is on vacation for 10 days, and I seriously considered just seeing who else I could find while he's gone. There's a big part of me that thinks, even though we've progressed, we may just be moving forward in our friendship. But there's another part of me that thinks maybe that's what this needs - a friendship base, in order to grow into more.

Which is great. The problem is, by allowing our relationship - and my feelings - to grow, I run a risk of being rejected.

Not the impersonal, it's him, not me sort of rejection I would have had after date four, either. I'm talking about a full-on, four-alarm, rejection after a few months. A rejection that is all about me.

Talk about personal - and scary as hell.

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