I'm always saying how much I love being single. It's true - I love my single life. I love all the things about my singleness - not having to share, making my own plans and schedule, no fights, only having to deal with my family (which is more than enough family, believe me). Did I mention not having to share?
But, just because I like being single doesn't mean I wouldn't love to find a relationship. I might be a little more appreciative of my life than some who haven't embraced their singledom - but I'd give it up for the right guy.
In the past seven months, I've watched three friends get married. Each wedding was different from the last, but the one thing they each had in common was that a dear friend had found love.
It was a mix of emotions for me, to witness these unions. Most of all, I felt happy for my friends, the people I believe are most deserving of their happily ever after.
I also feel a little left behind. My inventory of single friends is dwindling. I'd be lying if I said that doesn't feel a little lonely.
A teeny part of me also feels a little sad, like maybe it will never happen for me. I know I may never find the guy who makes me feel happily ever after.
Then, I'm reminded of all those things I don't like about relationships - and I honestly feel a little relieved. I'm still single - phew.
All these emotions don't make sense, all jumbled together in my head. Big part happy, little part sad, small part lonely, and a tiny part relieved. I may have shed a tear (or two) and am not even sure just why.
Most single / dating blogs will say it's not OK to be sad. You should be happy for your friends, and have faith your happiness will come. Others will say it's not OK to feel relieved. You should be looking to your friends as an example of what you want to find.
I say, all of it is OK. It's OK to be happy for them, even if it's not what you want. It's OK to feel relieved, because you get to continue enjoying your single life. It's OK to wonder, to dream, and yes, it's even OK to cry.
Feelings change, just like people and circumstance. So, give yourself a break. Cry if you need, wonder if you want.
Just remember, in the end, it really will be OK.