I've shared my lessons for 2013... my resolution for 2014 is to learn from every one of them.
Happy New Year to all!
|I am so sick of this song.|
I was talking with a good friend last night who I don't get to see as often as I'd like. She's wonderful and smart and funny and she gets me. She asked me what was new - and she meant with everything. Of course, I eventually filled her in on the current state of my dating life.
Somehow, we got on the subject of how certain friends and family seem very concerned that I am not currently in a relationship. She asked me why some people feel the need - or right - to offer an opinion. She suggested not sharing any dating news, and see if that helps.
But it occurs to me that writing this blog sort of opens my life up to curiosity, opinions, and advice. The truth is, no matter how frustrating unsolicited advice can be, I know it comes from a good place when it comes from my friends.
I don't blog about every dating experience (though I do blog about most). Even my closest friends don't know every little detail of every single date. What I share are those highlights that are funny, or that make me think (or both).
But the devil is in the details, as they say. My feelings and perspective is made up of all my experiences - including those I don't share.
That's the part that's frustrating - knowing that the (very well-intentioned) advice being offered can't possibly factor in every piece of information.
I can't do much about that. I couldn't possibly share everything - and if I did, no one would want to hear it all anyway. But my friends still love me and want me to be happy. They will still offer advice based on what they know.
I'll just have to sort it through as best I can.
|Just like that - he was gone.|
I had a very good conversation with a guy the other night (it was actually this guy... more to follow).
We got to talking about how people date with agendas. They date with a very specific goal and timeline in mind. The minute the relationship doesn't live up to those expectations, they assume it has failed.
I wonder if this is really a healthy way to date? Dating is tough - and I think expectations are half the problem. How can you possibly know the kind of relationship you want with a particular person until you've gotten to know that particular person?
I mean, sure you may know the type of relationship you ultimately want. You know you do (or don't) want to get married, start a family, etc. But even after a great first date, all you can really know for sure is that you would (or would not) like to try for a great second date.
Isn't that enough? If there's no attraction, or you both want different things, then fine - don't see him again. But what if you are attracted, and you have a great time, and it seems like your ultimate goals are similar? Does that have to mean you're meant to be? Or can it simply mean another date is a good idea?
I know couples who are absolutely meant to be together. I'm sure any of them would say now that they knew that from day one. But did they really? Or are they just so sure now that they can't remember not being sure?
Those "perfect" relationships put a lot of pressure on us imperfect daters. They ask questions like, "What is he looking for?" Or, "Where do you think it's going?" and, "When will you see him again?"
Those questions all make me feel like I'm wrong if I don't have an agenda all laid out before we end the first date.
Can't it just be enough that I know the date didn't suck, and I like him enough not to run through the parking lot?