Wednesday, April 9, 2014

I am a bad speed-dater

Last week, I went speed-dating for the fourth time. For the second time ever, I had no matches (meaning no one said "Let's Talk" after my name, and they all said "No Thanks"). 

I have to tell you - it's kind of blow to the ego. After a short pity-party involving some Chocolate Therapy (the Ben & Jerry's ice cream), I wanted to turn the pity-party into a brainstorming session where I figure out how to improve my results.

The problem? I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I feel like the secret to a successful speed-date is having a conversation that you want to continue. 

Obviously, 6 minutes is enough time to decide if you're physically attracted to someone. But it's not a lot of time to establish any other kind of connection - especially if you use the entire time repeating the same basic information about yourself (what you do for fun, work, etc). 

So, I try to keep the conversation away from the boring "So what do you do for work?" or "What do you do for fun?" which are staple questions. I think it's more fun to use the conversation-starter questions the organizer provides, or even to talk about what you each think about the whole speed-dating thing. Both of those options are more fun than repeating the same work and hobby history 8-12 times in one night. 

Unfortunately, a lot of the guys seem to want to err on the safe side and lead in with those questions. They all seem afraid to start a conversation that will last more than 6 minutes. They stick to the basics, which are safe, painless, and will easily just fill the time if both people answer. 

But that results in a dozen dates that, at the end of the night, all run together. Nothing stands out
because it's like you repeated the same date over and over. Not only that, but if you fill the time without running over, it feels final - leaving no reason to continue.

I think the secret to a good speed-date is to get a conversation going that you want to finish - but can't. That would (probably) make you check "Let's Talk" and have a real date with the person, if only to finish what you started.

But - apparently that strategy isn't right for me. While I've been interested in people, and people have been interested in me, they've never been the same people. Dozens of dates, and not one has resulted in anything past the first 6 minutes. 

Which leads me to believe I'm either not attractive enough...or I'm talking too much and/or scaring them away with my conversation choices. 

Since I had no matches this last time, Pre-Dating will give me a free event. Though a part of me thinks I should hang up my speed-dating clipboard for good, the bargain-shopper in me can't walk away from a deal. So I may try at least one more time.

But I definitely need a new plan.

1 comment:

  1. Maybe you need to toss it up yourself.

    You seem very intuitive, if a guy sits down, and he seems to be a "safe" speed dater.. go for safe conversation, maybe he'll like that, and want to talk later about more things...

    If a guy sits down and seems super talkative and willing to speed date "outside the box" use your current method.

    And, oddly enough, from what I hear... speed dating is kind of like selling yourself at an interview.. sometimes, you need to end it with a "I can't wait to talk to you again" or "We'll talk soon."

    Men are dense.. maybe you need to plant a little seed in there head. that SCREAMS: LET'S TALK MORE IDIOT!