Confession: Sometimes, when I'm confused, I reread my own blog posts to try and make sense of how I'm feeling.
Turtle and I have been going back and forth...in and out...over and under this conversation about where things are going.
The truth is, he doesn't know. He was able to tell me honestly how he feels, where I stand, and what he can offer.
The truth is - that was what I needed all along. I didn't need some declaration of commitment, or a label, or even for things to go anywhere. I just needed to know where I was. Now that I do, I am OK staying in this place, at least for now.
Hopefully, we'll move on from this point as a couple. Maybe. Down the road. But maybe not. The truth is, I am OK with that, too. Trust me, I'm as surprised as you.
So, this was the confusion that led me to stalking my own blog posts...
A couple months back, I wrote a post called "How do you spell love?" At the time, Turtle and I had been on only a few dates. I had no idea where it might go, and had no plans that the guy would be in my life for another week, let alone another couple of months. The post was really all about me, and had nothing to do with him.
.....I want something that makes sense. Something that can start off slow, but has the potential to grow into something lasting. Something that feels good. Something that just works....
The truth is, I'm not looking for a specific person, or a particular relationship. I want to feel special and beautiful, and empowered. I want to be content in what I have, and excited to find out what's next. I want to be passionate, and easy-going at the same time. I want to be completely uninterested in meeting anyone else - and I want him to feel the same....
Reading that, I guess it is a little vague. Which, I suppose could make it tough to find. But the truth is, I threw out my "type" and my "rules" years ago. I promised myself that if I met someone, I'd give him a chance - until there was a reason not to.
So I guess what I'm looking for is just tough to describe. I'm not worried, though - I'll know it when I feel it.The truth is.... I knew all along.