I had a very good conversation with a guy the other night (it was actually this guy... more to follow).
We got to talking about how people date with agendas. They date with a very specific goal and timeline in mind. The minute the relationship doesn't live up to those expectations, they assume it has failed.
I wonder if this is really a healthy way to date? Dating is tough - and I think expectations are half the problem. How can you possibly know the kind of relationship you want with a particular person until you've gotten to know that particular person?
I mean, sure you may know the type of relationship you ultimately want. You know you do (or don't) want to get married, start a family, etc. But even after a great first date, all you can really know for sure is that you would (or would not) like to try for a great second date.
Isn't that enough? If there's no attraction, or you both want different things, then fine - don't see him again. But what if you are attracted, and you have a great time, and it seems like your ultimate goals are similar? Does that have to mean you're meant to be? Or can it simply mean another date is a good idea?
I know couples who are absolutely meant to be together. I'm sure any of them would say now that they knew that from day one. But did they really? Or are they just so sure now that they can't remember not being sure?
Those "perfect" relationships put a lot of pressure on us imperfect daters. They ask questions like, "What is he looking for?" Or, "Where do you think it's going?" and, "When will you see him again?"
Those questions all make me feel like I'm wrong if I don't have an agenda all laid out before we end the first date.
Can't it just be enough that I know the date didn't suck, and I like him enough not to run through the parking lot?
It can be enough... if that's what you can handle.
ReplyDeleteBut, from an outside perspective, it could come across as if you don't want to plan ahead (as in "When will you see him again") or analyze the date (as in "what is he looking for") or see potential ( as in "where do you think it's going") . . . . And maybe you don't want to do any of these things because it puts you in an overly vulnerable position.. even if only you know it.
There is something kind of, pardon, "girly" about dating... You know, when you were young and you could IMAGINE all these things in your head? Yes, that was young and naive... but, still... gave us... a sparkle, something innocent.. you know? I think as adults we need to have a level head, but still let ourselves be... A little innocent.
I hope THAT made sense as well.