Thursday, January 10, 2013

How would you react?

Remember me telling you about this guy I met on Match who "rescheduled" a date only to never be heard from again?

I should have let him remain in the "never heard from again" category.

Instead, I sent him a text just after Christmas to say I hoped he had a great holiday. He replied by saying thank you, that he "didn't expect that" from me, and he really appreciated the good wishes. I said that if he ever changed his mind and wanted to go out again, I'd love to hear from him.

This is what happened....

Him: If you're second guess me then not likely but if not we shall see
Me: I'm confused by that text, but OK. Second guess you?
Him: Yes that's exactly what you did the day we were supposed to go to [dinner]
Me: Now I am confused. You asked to reschedule, and I said OK. Then when I texted to confirm if we were still on, I never heard from you. Never second guessed anything, until you didn't respond, or get back in touch with me. At that point, I figured you had changed your mind.
Him: I was ok with the rescheduling due to the fact that I was exhausted from work. Which I explained to you but you were ok with that then you sent me another text insinuating I was changing plans because I changed my mind!  What was the purpose of that? It wasn't necessary or fair to ASSUME anything. I didn't like that at all.
Me: Well, I apologize. When I didn't hear back from you about rescheduling, I did assume you had changed your mind. I figured if you wanted to reschedule, you would have confirmed. Perhaps that was unfair of me. Insulting you wasn't my intention. I have met many people who reschedule and then never respond as a way of canceling a date. I guess in your case, I leapt to a conclusion too quickly. If you're interested in trying again, please let me know.
Him: You don't know me and shouldn't assume. Until other wise proven you should've taken what I asked you at face value. I hadn't shown you other wise. I am a single full-time dad, who fully supports himself and his kids so working is ultra important and considering xmas was coming. I couldn't and wont come up short for them. I am very hard on my teenagers about their grades,behavior and activities so when they earn the right to ask for gifts via birthdays or  Xmas, do you think they ask for barbies or Legos? Not likely lol. So I make sure they get what they ask for considering their mothers aren't involved
Me: I completely understand all that. Like I said, it wasn't until I didn't hear back from you about confirming that I thought maybe you wanted to cancel. Again, I apologize for the mis-communication. Not sure what else I can say, other than I'm sorry.
Him: Thank you for the apology, its very appreciated. If you don't mind I would think about this okay and I will definitely let you know okay?
I'm sharing the whole exchange because it actually shocked me into a moment of stunned silence. He seemed fixated on the idea that I was mad he rescheduled. He didn't seem to understand that wasn't the case at all. Rescheduling didn't bother me - the fact that he ignored me when I tried to confirm the new date, time, and place was what bothered me.

I tried explaining that via text, but it wasn't working. Honestly, I thought I'd just apologize for my part in what was obviously a terrible miscommunication, and then if it ever came up in person, attempt to explain it further.

But he seemed determined to put it back on me? I (briefly) wondered if I may have done something wrong. I mean - when he didn't respond to either text from me confirming the new date, time, and place, I did say to him that I assumed he'd changed his mind about dinner, and I wished him a nice holiday.

Was that wrong? It seemed polite to me. What seemed rude was his rescheduling a Saturday night date with only a couple hours notice, and then completely ignoring my response. Maybe I shouldn't have sent the final text - but it wasn't a rude message. It really was as simple as, since I haven't heard from you, I'm assuming we're not on for tonight. Take care.

Maybe I shouldn't have, and it's a mistake I won't make again. But the more I think about this exchange, the more it feels like his attempt to blow me off and then blame his rude behavior on me - which I don't particularly like. If you're going to be rude to me, fine - but at least own it.

By the way, his promise to "definitely" let me know? Never happened. What did happen was I texted him the first week into January and wished him a Happy New Year. He replied with a whole host of lol-infused innuendo that was rude an offensive and totally unlike any conversation we'd ever had.

I changed his name in my contact list from "[Name] Adorable Guy from Match" to [Name] Asshole from Match" and have not contacted him since.

I may just stop being polite.


  1. You know my thoughts on this, but after reading this exchange again, I'm thinking you dodged a bullet on this one...

    If he's going to put that on you, imagine what else will be "your fault".

    1. I agree with you. I'd actually thought the same thing. I have no desire to spend any amount of time explaining that I understand he's a parent first. I have a feeling that his kids and status as a single dad would be his reason for everything and anything he ever did that upset me. I'd end up in a situation where I was always wrong and selfish, no matter the real reason for my hurt or angry feelings.

  2. Kinda shows why he is a single dad, passive aggressive and whiney.

  3. I agree with Baking Suit.

    There seems to be a LOT of baggage with that guy.
    And the fact that he kept trying to put it back on you... just says to me to he is never "WRONG" (at least in his own head.)

    Totally dodged a bullet.

    And honestly, I found nothing wrong with your interaction. You were just being the proactive one.

    **ROLLS EYES**

    I give him a "10".... for being a LOSER!