Friday, November 2, 2012

Black hole of cooties

If you're a single woman who dates, you have probably encountered this phenomena:

You meet. You like each other. He starts texting and/or calling every day. Maybe more than once a day. Maybe all day. He says the sweet little flirty things, that lead you to believe he likes you.

You go on a date. Maybe you go out a couple of times. Things seem to be going well. Conversation is good - easy, comfortable. There's a lot of laughing. A lot of nodding because you agree. Chemistry is definitely there.

He keeps up with the communication. Then, just as you start to feel at ease...


My best friend and I are convinced that there is a black hole somewhere in the universe where men go when they hit this exact point. It sucks them in like a vacuum, and they're never heard from again. Occasionally one falls out, lands with a thud, and texts you - and then he gets sucked back in, usually just as quickly.

A guy once told me that men do this because they're afraid if they don't come on strong, women will think they're not interested and move on. So, a guy has to keep her "on the line" (so to speak) until he figures out what he really wants.

That same guy later told me that when a guy realizes he is interested, a lot of times he will pull back a little, to see if the woman will pursue him. Or, if he decides he's not interested, he might just start avoiding her, which resembles the pulling away, but is actually different. In this case, if she chases him, he can just say she's crazy or too clingy and use that as an excuse to officially end it - but only if he's pressed. Really, he'd just prefer she let him fall into the black hole.

Just so I'm clear... When a guy behaves like he is interested, it's because he's either really not, or he's not sure. When he behaves like he's not interested, it means that he might be - unless he's not, in which case he's just avoiding you because he doesn't want to actually say what he really thinks.

But women are the crazy, complicated ones...

Listen guys - I can't speak for all women, but I will tell you that the majority of us would be perfectly happy if you just told us what you're thinking. Not interested? That's cool. I'm not going to get all weird because one guy says he doesn't want to date me. You are interested? That's also cool - and no, I don't equate you saying so with a marriage proposal.

I'm not usually "that woman" - but if you want to see how quickly I can turn into her, go ahead and mess around with my head. The uncertainty, and the insecurity it causes, will be enough to send me over the edge. It'll make me obsess and wonder, and try one thing, and then another, and keep going until I get some sort of response because all I really want is a definite answer.

If you really want to to avoid the clingy, possessive, crazy woman, here's some advice:

Stop retreating into the black hole of cooties. That's what drives us nuts.


  1. In the immortal words of Joe Biden, "It's a bunch of malarky, A BUNCH OF MALARKY!". Come on now you don't really believe that ANY person (male or female) puts that much thought into it. In the beginning it's new and interesting, so it's center focus, much like a new toy. But after you open the box it's not new anymore. I'll say it a way you can relate, I just have to have this pair of shoes. You FB with photo the "must have" shoes. Two days later "must have" shoes are numbered, catalogued and placed in closet (black hole), not to be seen again until new cute top and bottom that match shoes are found. Now does this mean you are playing head games with the shoes? No it doesn't, any woman (and some men) would never dare mistreated a shoe. It's just that the "must have" shoe is now possessed and no longer has the same shine. That unfortunately is how life works. Yes ladies a MAN just explained life using shoes as a metaphor. So stop shaking your collective heads and think twice before buying that next pair of "must have" shoes that will some day fall out of the black hole.

    1. I get your point. The problem is the shoes don't have feelings; women do. So what I propose is men treat women consistently, showing a little consideration for their feelings.

      The behavior you describe is also how a child treats new toys. So you may have just proven my theory that men stop maturing at puberty.