Friday, November 5, 2010

A Break from the Breakup

So, you've probably guessed that I created this blog primarily to get over a break up. Because - well, because break ups suck. 

From time to time, though, I'm going to take a break from the breakup. Partly because I don't want to bore you, dear reader. Partly because it's not all about me. Mostly because life is full of other stuff and who wants to be so wrapped up in heartache that we miss anything? 

Based on my name, most of my followers are girls gals strong women. But I picked up a guy follower the other day (go me!). So, in your honor, @Chasetophers, I'm posing the following question, and am hoping for a guy's perspective (as well as the gal's; sorry, but no - I'm not asking about BBQ):

How do you define a lie? 

Is it just what a person says? Or is it also how she behaves? If someone acts like they're your friend, then talks behind your back - is their friendship a lie? Or is that just human nature? 

What about in relationships? If a person (guy or girl) pushes a relationship, acts affectionate and caring - and then turns around and changes their mind - was that a lie? Would your answer change if you knew the person admitted that he/she was "forcing" their feelings? 

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, both in the context of my own life and the lives of several of my friends. I'm basically upfront with others; I say what I mean and I mean what I say. No one ever has to guess where they stand with me. 

But not everyone is like that. Some people are just more guarded and careful. So is that just part of your personality? Or is putting on a pretense the same thing as lying? What if it misleads another person into saying or doing things she might not have otherwise?  

Is it wrong to form expectations based on the way someone acts? Is it only a lie if they actually say something - regardless of what they do?  

What do you think? 


  1. Great blog! As someone who is also getting over a breakup, in my case, his lies were lies by omission. There were things - very important things - that he didn't tell me that came back to haunt him, me and us later. So I think lies go beyond what is actually said, because when you're secretive or mistrustful in any way, you're ultimately lying to the other person.

  2. Thank you! I know feelings change, and you can't fault anyone for that. It happens, you know? But in my case, he said he never felt anything - but yet, steered us towards a romantic relationship. I feel lied to because I made choices based on how he was acting, but had I known the truth, I might have done things differently.

  3. I think there are a lot of kinds of lies, some more damaging than others but I definitely feel that people should be honest with themselves and each other.

    As for can expectations be made based on how someone is acting? I don't know. I think they can be, but with serious caution because when someone is saying they feel one way and acting like they do another, they're lying to themselves or you.

  4. cuteellaisbold - Agreed, some lies are definitely worse than others. I trusted someone's actions because he said he was always honest, and his actions always sincere. To then be told, "Nope, never really felt that way. Sorry, moving on," sorta left me feel misled, and maybe a little lied to.