I'm into romance and feeling special and old-fashioned chivalry as much as the next independent, self-sufficient, pseudo-modern woman. So I like when a guy pays for me; it makes me feel special, and like he really does like me. On a first date, I feel like it's his way of saying he wants there to be a second date. Which is kind of what I think Cali Bradshaw was trying to say here - that women, no matter what you've heard, do like to be pampered.
I really don't think that should come as news to anyone.
Thing is...I don't like the old-fashioned feeling that a lady owes a guy something because he paid. I sure as hell don't want to owe anyone anything! So, I'll admit that if I don't want a second date - I am inclined to offer to pay on the first. Or at least split the check. I think on some level, I feel that by letting him pay, I'm saying I do owe him something - another date. Plus, I'll admit - I feel bad making a guy pay, knowing it's not going anywhere.
Turns out - I might not be alone in that thinking. I came across this article via the magic of twitter just a day after reading Cali's post. Interesting.
So, what are my guidelines? Truth be told...
- If he requested the date, I expect he'll pay.
- If I requested the date, I expect to pay.
- If he wants a second date, I do expect he'll offer, because most guys do. That's not a deal-breaker.
- If I expect he's going to pay, I try to not to order something too crazy (price-wise).
- I always make sure I'm in a position to pay the bill.
- I always offer to pay (unless he beats me to it, and doing so is awkward) - and I'm always sincere.
- I don't like splitting the bill; that makes it feel too much like a business transaction.
What do you think? Who should pay, and when?