Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Playground relationships - Part II

Continued from here...

I should have just let it go. Fine, I'm not self-aware. Fine, all I care about is money, and he doesn't have any. Those were outs, and I should have taken them, put the phone down and allowed myself the Nyquil-induced sleep my mind and body were craving. But my heart didn't like being told I wasn't self-aware.

Then it got worse.

"'re pining over some guy, remembering the exact weekend the loser broke up with you."

Oh. MY. God.

At this point, I can't even blame the Nyquil, the hour, or my cold. I was just upset angry livid pissed right the hell off. I'd told him in confidence a little about Big, and how it changed the way I look at relationships - and he was using it against me. Not only that, he was belittling all I've done to improve myself since.

Again - I  had a perfect out. That's three - I'm focused on money, I'm not sure what I want, and I'm stuck on someone else. All perfectly good outs that would should have ended the conversation.

Instead I answered a question I'd been avoiding - about why I thought he lacked confidence, maturity or self-awareness (I'd already agreed he does have compassion).

I told him that he's very wishy-washy. That he won't commit to anything, including how he feels. He said, of course he commits - he committed to me, and how much he wanted a relationship with me. But that I had fooled him into thinking I was sincere. Apparently, I really wasn't looking for a relationship.

The thing is - I was sincere. Despite my doubts, I genuinely liked the guy, and wanted to see where it would go. But as soon as I realized it was moving too quickly, and it seemed he was getting more into me than I was him, I thought it should end. I told him this, and he responded, " Ha! What made you think that? Because I made you dinner? LOL."

This seemed like an attempt to back-peddle and say that he really wasn't that into me, and how could I be so stupid to think otherwise? So I pointed out that he had just told me how he cared for and missed me - and now he was changing his mind. No commitment.

He had several responses for that, which included but are not limited to:
  • I care about you. 
  • I don't always offer canned answers. 
  • We could be magic.
  • I know you want a storybook; I can see it in your eyes.
  • Give us a chance.

I didn't understand any of these, so I didn't respond specifically. I said I was sorry for how he felt, but the bottom line is, I know what I'm looking for, and I won't find it with him. If we really were meant to be, well then I guess it would be my loss.

Which is what I should have said in the first place - and ended things with, "No backsies."


  1. Like I said on sounds like he doesn't know you very well...and apparently, he won't get to. He sounds (and I *hate* to say this, but...) he wants to be with someone but it doesn't necessarily matter who, that's why he was all about you but then could back peddle and act like no he really wasn't. {And what's with the "we could be magic" line?} But, I could be wrong. I've been wrong before (CLEARLY).

  2. He's definitely desperate, or at least coming across that way. Sad, really, cause he is a good guy. He has a lot to offer the right woman, I'm just not her.

    I never pointed this out to him, but it was also funny how he went on and on about how he has confidence. We had several conversations where he flat out said to me that he believed he wasn't good enough to ever find happiness or love. I think if he fixed that, he'd have seen I wasn't for him, and wouldn't have wasted one second on the relationship.