Friday, August 24, 2012

Give a little, get a lot

In addition to the red flag alert, I also find myself having some trouble adjusting to the fact that Sparrow actually seems to want me around. Go figure. Turns out, this is something quite new for me.

See, Big was happy to let me be around. He invited me out and over to his place all the time. But he was introverted, and so was I, so even though we were together, there wasn't a lot of interaction. Also, I was usually at his place - which meant I could leave whenever.

Truth is, I wasn't as independent back then as I am now, so I didn't crave alone time as much. Fast forward to Trooper, and we also spent most of our time together at his place, and not mine. So again - I had a lot more control over when I came and went. Plus, Trooper's also a guy who likes his space, so he never really crowded me.

Sparrow is different. First of all, there's the distance to consider. It's not like we can just get together on a whim, and then part ways to run errands, and meet up again later. One of us is always 2 hours away from home.

The last few weeks - we've been spending time at my house because of stuff going on for me. Which means if I want to snag some alone-time, I basically have to (nicely) kick Sparrow out.

(There really is no nice way to do that, by the way.)

I find myself having a difficult time balancing my need for alone time with my desire to spend time with Sparrow, and recognize that our relationship is important. I'm not so self-centered that I don't realize the relationship can't be all about me - but I also can't exactly schedule when I'll want (read: need) time to myself.

I expected to find challenges with this new relationship. I thought the distance would be an issue. I was prepared to find it a little difficult to trust, having just come through a tough breakup. I never thought about how, each time I become single again, I get more and more accustomed to being on my own. I was not prepared for so much difficulty in giving up that single space.

Don't even get me started on the possibility of eventually having to give up closet space.


  1. 2 hours is a very big distance.
    Can you consider the time that he is at his home away from you as your alone time?

    I know that doesn't read right...
    But... I hope you get the idea of what I mean.

    I know that with Klay, he is very big on his alone time... and every now and again I need mine.

    We spend a lot of time together... so on the off nights... Whether it's because he isn't around my place, or I am too lazy to go to his...
    I consider that as ALONE time.

    It took a while for me to get into the hang of it... since I was used to having Alone time, whenever I WANTED IT.

    It's about the give and take... I know you know that....

    Learning how to get what you both want individually and as a couple.

    Great Post!

    1. I'd like to get into that rhythm. Hard because we make plans in advance (due to distance), and there's no way to plan a hard workday or stressful family get-together. Sometimes the time I'd spend with him is my only chance for down-time. Tough to choose.

  2. The man and woman who can give more and more to his partner. But how many people get what he or she wants? Thanks for your nice article.