Monday, August 6, 2012

Online dating makes you crazy

While helping a friend with an online dating profile recently, Engineer made a startling discovery:
The woman he's been dating for almost a year still has an active profile on a dating website.
Now, I have my own personal questions about this woman, and whether she's the best person for one of my closest friends...but those concerns aside, I had this to say:
My profiles are all still online. I've never taken them down - they were active while I dated Big and Trooper. So I can honestly say that an active profile doesn't really mean anything. What might mean more is when she was last on the site (most sites will tell you if a user has been active within the last 24 hours, within a week, etc.). While I was dating someone exclusively, my profile would have shown I hadn't been online for months at a time.
I will admit - my current profile would say that I've been online within the last 24 hours. I was - to respond to emails with a "thanks but no thanks" message. A totally legit reason to be on the site. 
I'd have to say, this is probably my least favorite part of online dating. I know some enjoy being able to stalk keep tabs on check in with their other. By going online you can tell if he's at the computer while not responding to your texts, or see if she's signed in when she said she'd be shopping with her mom.

Thing is....all that checking only gives half the story. So you know he's online - so what? You don't know what he's doing online. He could be checking out your profile....or responding politely to emails from other people...or taking a relationship quiz or reading the sites relationship blog. He could even just be signed in and have totally forgotten to log off before going to sleep.

I recently told someone that I believe assumptions and false expectations breed crazy in both men and women. Let's face it - always expecting one behavior, and getting another, is bound to drive even the sanest person a little kookie after a while. We can only question ourselves so many times before it creates self-doubt - and self-doubt is two skips shy of a cuckoo clock.

So if the cuckoo means you're crazy, and online dating leads to the cuckoo....doesn't logic follow that online dating will, at some point and to some degree, make you crazy?

I've been doing this on and off for over three years. I'll thank you in advance for not drawing any logical conclusions to what that says about me. 


  1. Rattling work man, ready your heads last you did it.
    Olivia Madison

  2. I find your your post very interesting!! Online dating doesn't give you an assurance that a person you have met online and dated once or 2x will be honest with you all the way. Always give space between you guys and don't expect too much from each other.......who knows what future brings?

  3. It's a very very useful information for me...Thanks.