Friday, August 31, 2012

Our own path

I've been at this whole divorced-and-dating thing for going-on four years now. For most of that time, I've been on my own. Most of my friends were married (or in long-term relationships). I had a couple of single friends, but really only one person who could relate to my exact situation - divorced, no kids, looking for a relationship, but still happily single.

Most of my friends loved hearing my dating stories. The good, the bad, or the ugly - it didn't matter. They all loved hearing how I stumbled and bumbled my way through online dating profiles, bad dinners, and uncomfortable conversations. It was entertaining to friends who thought they'd put that part of life behind them, and comforting to those in similar situations.

Then, all of a sudden, the tables turned. Or, really, sorta flipped on their side. Life's funny that way.

Suddenly, my single friends are no longer single - they're in relationships, or living with someone or - gasp! - married. My attached friends suddenly became single and tip-toed dove back into dating.

It honestly makes me feel a little mother-hennish. I see all my friends going through things that have hurt me before - getting attached, trusting what someone says, counting on promises and looking towards the future.

I remember how much it can hurt, and how hard I took some of what happened, and how long it took me to get through some of the heartache (not that I'm a barometer; my friends are much more normal than I). I don't want that for my friends.

Part of the reason I write this blog is to share my experiences, and let people learn a little from my mistakes. After all - that's the point of a mistake, right? But the truth is, everyone's path is her own - that's true of life in general, as well as dating. We're all looking for the same thing - happiness - but it looks different to each one of us. So the way we get there is uniquely our own.

Everyone has to make her own mistakes, learn her own lessons, and recover from her own heartbreaks. Whether it's ending a long-standing relationship, and tip-toeing back into dating, or finding the perfect guy and leaving the single life behind - life is full of challenges and confusion and lessons.

It can be a little scary, and a little overwhelming. There's really no other way - and little comfort to be offered. Except maybe this: Though the path may be ours to follow, if we have good friends, we're never really alone on the journey.

That, and if any of these guys hurt one of my friends....he'd better watch out.

1 comment:

  1. Don't view your past experiences that didn't live up to your expectations as mistakes. View them as hiccups on the journey to find 'the' one. You're in such a better place right now than you were 4 years ago, 4 months ago, 4 days ago. You're beauty and spirit have grown tremendously.

    P.S. You won't have to kill him if he hurts me, cuz I will.