Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Dodge a bullet

Yesterday's post got me thinking about something that comes up a lot in dating - especially online dating.
"Sometimes it just makes sense to let someone think that it's you, not them, and move on."
It is so easy to get caught up on what I like to call a person's dating resumè. This is especially true with online dating, where you start off already knowing the basics.

Well, we're the same age, both like movies, have the same education, use all the right words (spelled correctly), and we like the same sports teams. We want the same things, and seem to share a sense of humor. How can we not be soul-mates?!

When you chat with this person, and he's not immediately convinced the two of you are meant to be, it's easy to think, clearly something must be wrong with him. Even your friends will get in on the act. When you tell them you met this great guy, but he wasn't interested, they usually suggest it's his issue.

The truth? Maybe it is. Maybe this guy, even though he seems perfect on paper, has some deep-seeded emotional issues. Maybe he's afraid of commitment. Maybe he's immature.

Maybe he works for the CIA and can't get too attached, and one look at you and he knew he would fall hopelessly, madly in love. So, he walked away, knowing it was for your own good.

Or.... assuming you're both generally good people who don't live in a Nicholas Sparks novel - maybe he just isn't into you.

Instead of getting hung up on the resumè, maybe focus on the person. Did you even have a conversation? Was it any good? If there's no spark, maybe his appeal begins and ends on paper. If you build someone up in your mind, you might think the conversation is wonderful - until you give it a second look.

Maybe you never got to an actual conversation. Maybe he ignored your email, and you're wondering why. Well - maybe he just isn't right for you. He may have picked up on some subtle differences between the two of you that he knows are deal-breakers. Have some faith he might know what's best. I mean, if you can't trust your soul-mate, who can you trust?!

Just like an actual resumè, a person's dating profile is a snapshot. It's the basics. It's a good place to start, but it will take a few interviews and maybe even a trial period before you know how good the fit really is.

So if he walks away, maybe rather than blaming - yourself or him - you should be thankful you were spared the wrong one. Sometimes the universe will help us dodge a bullet, even when we insist on standing in the line of fire.

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