Monday, July 11, 2011

The dangers of sexting

Last week was definitely one of the most interesting exciting ridiculous I've had, as far as dating goes.

My thoughts exactly.
On Tuesday, I got a text from a guy I'd met on a dating site. We'd exchanged a couple of emails, and he asked if I would give him my phone number so we could text. I did - and we exchanged a few texts. They stopped after  while, I deleted the thread, then I got a new phone, and I'd honestly forgotten all about him. But he was still a contact, so the text came up from "Scott POF" (because that's all I know about him) and attached was a picture - of "little Scott" (and I do mean little).

Seriously? A friend of mine, who is much younger than I, said to me, "You mean that still happens at your..." Of course she trailed off, because she didn't mean for it to come out that way, but I finished for her. Yes, it still happens - at any age. Why? Because some men never outgrow their cooties.

After over two years of active online dating, this is the first time it has ever happened - and I was not (still am not) happy. But I barely had time to recover when I got the next email, through that same site.
Him: Hi there. How are you?
Me: I'm doing well, thanks. You?
Him: Good, thanks for asking. What are you looking for on this site?
Me: Looking to meet people. Hoping that meeting turns to dating and eventually a relationship. It all takes time, you know?
Him: I'm looking for a nasty, kinky, horny woman to have fun with.
Seriously? Now - I have no issue with people looking for casual sex. I do have an issue with people wasting my time with these inquiries when my profile clearly states I am looking for a relationship.

I ignored his email, figuring anything I could say back might sound judgmental or nasty, and I really didn't care. But he emailed me, saying he was sure he'd scared me away but that he "finds it easier to be completely honest."

"You were Brett Farved!" ~ Friend
Really? Now I was just - irritated beyond description. So, I double-checked his profile, and responded by saying that, yes, honesty is best. I suggested maybe he start with his own profile, and stop advertising that he's looking for a relationship, and start being upfront about the fact that all he's interested in is casual, "kinky" sex.

Surprisingly enough, he had nothing to say to that.

I got a whole days reprieve before getting an email, this time from another dating site. I opened up the sender's profile first - 28. Great, I thought. Can't wait to read what he has to say.

Turned out to be one line: I wish you were into disciplining naughty boys.

Did I read that right? I went back to his profile, and when I scrolled down, I found where he said he's into SM, and "if you know what means, then great!"

At that point, I sent my profile (both of them) to a friend and asked if there was something - anything - on there that suggested I was even remotely interested in these sort of inquiries. I've been assured there is not - but I'm still wary.

And, quite frankly, pissed.

I don't like being attacked like this. Is it really an attack? I think so. I'm at the point now where I avoid the sites, am afraid to open emails, and feel like I have to do so with extreme caution. I shouldn't have to feel that way. The fact that my trust in the sites, and freedom to communicate, is compromised means it's an attack. Maybe less serious than most, but an attack nonetheless.

Someone asked me what men are thinking when they send these kind of emails. The truth is, I have no idea. Do they work? I suppose they must, or men would stop sending them. But why send them when you don't know how the woman will react? What if she gets turned off - or worse?

I'll admit, I will probably just ignore these - to do otherwise would invite all sorts of drama. But I considered naming fingers and pointing names - how do guys know they won't cross a woman who is just daring enough to do so? Are they prepared for the consequences if they do?

I was reading this article from Sexis, which seems to sum it up perfectly. Some women like them; others don't. But they all agree that if it wasn't requested, or from someone you know - it's skeevy.

So what are guys thinking? What are they trying to accomplish?

1 comment:

  1. Skeevy is the right word! I CANNOT believe that guy sent you a picture, that's just crazy! I don't know what I would have done if I got that text. I had to give up on Match because I wasn't meeting quality men, but it sounds like the ones contacting you lately are beyond ridiculous. I love how you responded to the one guy--calling them out usually takes them off-guard. Kudos to you!