Friday, September 23, 2011

I'm too picky

I know it's true; I want too much. I've spent enough time on my own to have developed impossible standards for what I require before giving up my single status.

Sorry, cupid.

When I told my Gardner story to one friend, her advice was to talk to him; tell him exactly what I wanted him to do, exactly what I needed and expected - and then let him decide if it's something he can handle. It's logical - as she pointed out, he can't read my mind.

Call me difficult, call me complicated, call me high maintenance - call me a bitch. Say I'm making excuses. Say or think whatever you like - the truth is, I don't want to have to tell someone what I want and then wait to see if it's something he can "handle." I want us to just naturally click.

I know - it's probably unfair, and maybe unreasonable, and a little too much. So was the Barbie Dreamhouse - but that didn't stop me from asking Santa.

I've done the whole "here's what I want" thing with a guy before. Know what? He went along with it. For about fourteen years. Then, one day, seemingly out of nowhere - he stopped. Suddenly, he wasn't willing to "handle" me anymore - and he left. So I know that no matter how much compromising you both do, it can still fall apart.

I know that relationships are about compromise. Of course I realize that I'll have to give some. I won't always get my own way, and it won't always be about me. But shouldn't the other person give a little, too? Shouldn't he want to give a little, to make room for "us" in his life?

If I find a guy with whom I just fit; a guy who says and does all the right things, and for whom I say and do the same - then there won't be any of this wondering, compromising or "training." Neither of us will have to "handle" the other - because it just works.

That's what I want. Maybe I'm too picky - but that's never stopped me before.

1 comment:

  1. Again, you're not picky. You just are extremely self-aware. You know what you want. Picky is not liking the color of socks the guy is wearing, with his Chuck Taylors that you don't like because they don't go with the pleated gold golf shorts and the fishnet shirt from Chess King he is still wearing.