Thursday, September 22, 2011

Mixed signals - Part II

Continued from here....

I asked for a "break" (which always makes me think of Ross and Rachel). I just wanted to sort through the confusion, and see how I felt. Was I just hanging onto this because there were some things I really liked? Was I just happy to have found a relationship, someone with whom I could share some time and a few smiles?

Honestly - was I more interested in the boost he offered my ego than I was him?

I'm not sure. Those things are all true - and they're all good things. Gardner makes me feel special; he makes me feel beautiful. As a wise friend said to me, "Every woman needs a man to make her feel like a goddess now and then, right?" Abso-freaking-lutely.

I do really like him, too. He makes me smile, and he's fun. He's goofy, and I laugh when I'm with him. He doesn't just do the normal dinner-and-movie date -  he's unique, and has a lot to offer. I'm attracted to him, and the chemistry was pretty good.

But I wasn't sure. Doubts are normal when something is new, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that if this was truly right, I'd have fewer doubts. I'd be more positive, and less negative.

I just think right would have felt different.

So I told him - everything. How I felt, and why. Of course, he told me some things that explained away some of my doubts - and honestly, I'm not 100% sure I made the right decision. I expect he'll stay in my life - and I wouldn't be surprised if we gave this another shot, but as of right now, we are no longer dating.

In the end, the only thing I'm really sure of is that I wasn't sure enough to let it go any further.

1 comment:

  1. I'm proud of you for cutting it off before you guys got closer and then someone ended up truly hurting.