I learned a lot from Big. Probably the most important lesson was - how not to treat people.
I don't mean to sound like Big's not a great guy - he is. We still talk sometimes, and get along fine. He's a good guy, and was good to me in a lot of ways. But after the way we broke up, I knew I'd never want to lead anyone on - even by mistake - and risk hurting someone else the way I was hurt.
When I first met Gardner, I had some doubts. But, I liked him; he was sweet and a wonderful date, so I decided to give it another chance. We had a fabulous second date, so, things kept going.
But I still have these doubts in the back of my mind. He seems to be stuck in the early-thirties bachelor stage. While I don't expect things to be serious now, I do want something that can grow. I get the feeling that what I'm getting from Gardner now is the most I'll ever be able to expect from him. It's enough now - but it wouldn't be enough long-term.
He's also at a stage in life where he moves from job to job - like a kid in college, looking for something fun, that doesn't interfere with his party schedule. That's not me, and it's not something I want in my life. There's no security or stability. I know it works for some, and that's great - but it's not me.
One of the biggest worries I had when we first got to chatting was that Gardner's life is so full of his friends that he wouldn't make room for me. The longer we know each other - the more true that seems. He has time for me during the week, when his friends are all with their wives/girlfriends. But he puts me on notice that he is not available on the weekends, when his friends need something or have time for him. Fine, if we're casual - but I don't see it changing, and I wouldn't be okay with that long term.
The thing is, I neither want, nor expect, anyone to change for me. That never works. So, if this is the relationship he's looking for - I think we'd both be better off if he got the chance to find that relationship with someone of a like mind. That someone isn't me.
The truth is, I want more.
The truth is....if he was really the right guy, I wouldn't be having all these doubts.
I think you just answered your own question. I was going to pretty much say precisely that you... if you had even a nugget of hope that he might be 'right' for you, then you wouldn't have written this post.
ReplyDeleteI think these types of situations are the toughest to crack. You enjoy him - he enjoys you, but there is so much substance missing, that you just know in your heart it's not right.
I think you need to give him his pink slip. Nicely, as I'm sure will, but do it now before you have too much time invested in this "green thumb", to get out civilly. Good luck, cookie.