Thursday, January 12, 2012

Choose you

A while back, I posted an open invitation for guest posts. Sarah responded with this post about disappointing relationships, finding yourself esteem, and choosing to love yourself. 



We all know certain things when we are in a relationship. We know what makes us unhappy, lonely, anxious, jealous, angry, disappointed and what makes us feel threatened. We focus on these things – hypersensitive to them even – and as soon as we feel one of these feelings creeping in – BLAMO! We’re in crisis. And it’s someone else’s fault….right?

Maybe not all of us…maybe just me.

I was 16 years old when I met W .. he was terrible to me, cheated all the time, drank all the time, spent hours and hours playing video games and ignoring me. We would argue – break up – and I would find myself begging for him to stay with me. Why?

At 18 I had my first baby, at 19 my second…we were married when I was 21 – my 3rd baby came one year later. My self esteem had yet to be born.

The cycle continued consistently. I did that for 11 years.

Eventually I decided that I should love myself, make myself  happy. I took control. I filled my time with learning new things – and finding adventure. I did things I always told myself I couldn’t.

I was a divorced single mother of 3, and although I had the most life altering year ever it was the very best thing that ever happened (other than my children, of course).

When you look inward and choose yourself – when you decide that you are worth happiness – you are truly free.

After about a year and a half I met M – best compliment to my life – he helps me smile when I find it hard to do myself., we’ve been married now for 4 years.

I’ve learned that feeling crisis, and all of the craziness that comes with it – is my choice. I may not have control over other people, how they feel, act, respond – but I can change the way I feel about it – and where I let it touch MY life.



  1. Yes, happiness comes from within, not from others. Sometimes people punish themselves and live miserably because they don't put themselves first. A valuable lesson is to be taken from this post!

  2. I love that you can apply that to everything in your life. I feel so motivated right now.

  3. This is the reason why I dumped my college boyfriend, as well as saying good-bye to all the toxic friends in my life. Those were the most liberating moments of my life.

    Excellent post! You should guest post on my blog (just kidding.)

  4. Thanks for posting this! I didn't realize when I wrote it how much I was still hanging on to - and having typed it all out for everyone to read has taken me to a very different level of closure...THANKS! :)