Choose you

A while back, I posted an open invitation for guest posts. Sarah responded with this post about disappointing relationships, finding yourself esteem, and choosing to love yourself. 

Fabulous. 

************************

We all know certain things when we are in a relationship. We know what makes us unhappy, lonely, anxious, jealous, angry, disappointed and what makes us feel threatened. We focus on these things – hypersensitive to them even – and as soon as we feel one of these feelings creeping in – BLAMO! We’re in crisis. And it’s someone else’s fault….right?

Maybe not all of us…maybe just me.

I was 16 years old when I met W .. he was terrible to me, cheated all the time, drank all the time, spent hours and hours playing video games and ignoring me. We would argue – break up – and I would find myself begging for him to stay with me. Why?

At 18 I had my first baby, at 19 my second…we were married when I was 21 – my 3rd baby came one year later. My self esteem had yet to be born.

The cycle continued consistently. I did that for 11 years.

Eventually I decided that I should love myself, make myself  happy. I took control. I filled my time with learning new things – and finding adventure. I did things I always told myself I couldn’t.

I was a divorced single mother of 3, and although I had the most life altering year ever it was the very best thing that ever happened (other than my children, of course).

When you look inward and choose yourself – when you decide that you are worth happiness – you are truly free.

After about a year and a half I met M – best compliment to my life – he helps me smile when I find it hard to do myself., we’ve been married now for 4 years.

I’ve learned that feeling crisis, and all of the craziness that comes with it – is my choice. I may not have control over other people, how they feel, act, respond – but I can change the way I feel about it – and where I let it touch MY life.

BE HAPPY. CHOOSE YOU.