Monday, January 6, 2014

Facebook fantasies

I was having a very exciting night Saturday - and by exciting, I mean I had take-out sushi for dinner and watched some NCIS and SVU reruns. A little after midnight, when I should have been in bed but wasn't, I got a Facebook message.

The message came from a guy who is in my friends list, but have never met. The truth is, we connected through a mutual Facebook friend, but we've never communicated. I mean never - I'm not even sure either of us has so much as "liked" a post. 

His message came through as just a wink. Well that's odd, I thought. Did I mention this person is married? Not just married, but in one of those facebook-fantasy marriages, where everything is rainbows and unicorns online. I don't know the guy's wife, and since I barely know him, for all I know they are honestly that happy. Hey - it could happen.

At first I thought perhaps he sent the message to the wrong person. Then I thought maybe he was just trying to open up a dialogue. Either way, I was intrigued and, honestly, a little bored. So I replied, hello....?

What followed was a terrifically boring exchange about the weather and how quickly the holidays past. Then he said, maybe we'll see you [around] sometime, and I said, have a great night.

The guy is almost a local celebrity, so a message trying to network or sell me something wouldn't be shocking. But at that hour, my single-girl brain assumed it was some sort of flirt. Since he did none of those things, and since the messages were being sent from the web (thanks Facebook messaging for that helpful hint) I can only conclude one thing: 

It was his wife posing as my facebook friend.

I obviously don't know for sure if that's the case - but it's my guess. Here's why.
  • If a married guy is going to reach out to a single female friend past midnight on a Saturday, he isn't going to talk about the weather. He has another reason for reaching out - and this guy never went there. 
  • After I said hello, he replied with "Hi [GGS]!" Guys are not big on names or exclamation points. Most guys would have picked a nickname, or just said hi, and there would have been no punctuation. 
  • What it would look like if my cat pretended to be me
    on Facebook. Except for the device - I'd never used an Apple.
  • Even if he just wanted to talk about the weather, the hour alone makes the conversation a little inappropriate, given that he's a married guy talking to a single woman. Any guy with half a brain would initiate that sort of conversation from his phone - not a computer. 
I could be wrong. But if I'm not, then it begs the question - what the hell?!

If it was her, my guess is the perfect marriage is really just a fantasy created for Facebook; at least for her. I would guess that she really doesn't trust her husband - to the point that she accesses his Facebook account, looks for unattached women, and then tries to catch them flirting with her husband.

I know people who have done similar things online (which is probably what makes me so suspicious of this little encounter). I understand the temptation - we always want to know rather than guess. 

But what do these little traps prove? Say I had sent a flirty what? All that proves is that if her husband messaged me, I'd flirt with him. Congratulations, you've proven that some random woman in your husband's Facebook list has questionable boundaries. You've learned nothing about him.

Maybe she hoped by opening up a message, she'd learn that he'd been messaging me all along. But still - without context, that information is really not all that helpful. 

I guess the point is - if you're pretending your relationship is all that great - stop. You're not helping anyone, least of all yourself. If you have to create a fantasy, maybe it's time to look a little closer at the reality.

1 comment:

  1. Remember when you wrote that post, and said something along the lines that you would try NOT to over think things. Hahaha... I think you just reverted back to your old ways!

    Happy New Year GGS